Customer: “God d*** it! I wanted a soy mint frappe! This is wrong! I can’t believe you guys expect $15 an hour when you’re this stupid!”

Me: “Sorry, sir. I can remake that for you.”

I remake it, he watches me do so, and he tries it.

Customer: “It’s wrong again! What’s the matter with you? You guys deserve minimum wage!”

Me: “Sir, what is it that’s wrong with the drink? You asked for a soy mint frappe and that is what I made.”

Customer: “There’s no milk in this! It tastes like s***!”

Me: “It has soy milk like you asked.”

Customer: “I wanted soy-mint! Not soy milk!”

Me: “Sir, soy mint means your drink comes with soy milk instead of regular milk, and mint syrup. I don’t know what a soy-mint is.”

The customer stares for a moment, trying to come up with a comeback.

Customer: “Well, you should have explained that better.”

Me: “I’m only on minimum wage, sir. I expect those earning more than me to know the difference between soy milk and mint. Thank you for choosing us, and have a great day! Next customer!”

I work in a supermarket, and I’m on holiday for two weeks when this story takes place. It’s a small town, and we’re the only supermarket for miles; therefore, we’re inundated with people buying alcohol, with some of it for people under eighteen. In the UK, it’s against the law to knowingly buy alcohol for underage people; at the time this occurred, the assistant making the sale could be fined up to £1,000 and the store could lose its license to sell alcohol.

As always with retail you’re taking it from both sides; the customers and the company. Local police and councilors announced a crackdown on underage drinking (a good thing) by fining the stores. The company decides to boost morale by making the most senior staff member culpable for any mishaps with disciplinary action and possibly the sack.

News of this happens whilst I’m on holiday. My friend, recently promoted to a very senior duty manager (to close down and lock up the store on an evening, when alcohol sales are at their highest) pushes back against the new rule, obviously stating how unfair it is and that there should be training for staff, extra signage to warn customers, etc.

Nothing.

So, he makes signs to put up in the store. Head office doesn’t like it and demands they be taken down.

So, [Friend] demands to change his hours so that’s he’s not responsible.

Nothing.

I get a text on Friday evening from another colleague to say at the start of [Friend]’s shift, he closed the store. No alcohol sales means no chance of being out.

Since those in charge are tucked up in bed, the news doesn’t hit them until Monday morning that the store has closed at 6:00 pm instead of 10:00 pm for three days running.

I arrive back in fresh on Monday morning to hear that [Friend] was summoned up to head office for a meeting — and he took the union representative up with him.

He leaves a few months later, the store gets increased signage warning of underage drinking, and all the staff receive training on asking for ID. Funny that.

I am a cashier at a superstore. An older gentleman is buying blue jeans but is already wearing the new pair. He pushes his old ones across my counter.

Customer: “Can you bag these for me? They’re soaking wet.”

It was pee. He had peed his pants and didn’t mention it until his piss-soaked pants were in a bag.

I used to work in tech support for a satellite television company during the time that DVRs were first coming into widespread use. I once got an angry phone call from a customer.

Customer: “The fast-forward feature isn’t working on my new DVR!”

After troubleshooting for a little bit, I learned that she was not trying to fast-forward through the commercials of a show that she had recorded on her DVR but rather was trying to fast-forward through the commercials of a live television show.

I then got to explain to her that her new DVR was a recording device, not a time-travel device.

Me: “You can fast-forward through the commercials of programs that you’ve already recorded on your DVR, but you cannot time-travel and fast-forward through commercials that have not even aired yet.”

This happens during lunchtime in kindergarten. One of the parents calls and wants to talk to me. Apparently, both parents have gotten [contagious illness], and they tell me they’ll pick their kid up ASAP.

One hour later, the dad is finally here. Parents aren’t allowed to enter the building because of the health crisis. While his kid is getting ready, I talk to the dad. There are also other parents outside waiting for their children.

Dad: “So, now that we have [illness], what about our child?”

As he says this everyone takes a huge step back from him.

Me: “What do you mean?”

Dad: “We can still bring him, right?”

Me: “I have to talk with my boss about this, but I’ll let you know as soon as possible.”

He stays for thirty more minutes, telling me how he’s vaccinated and he’s thinking about going grocery shopping. I say goodbye like five times because I want him to leave. I don’t have time for small talk, and I don’t want him here when he has [illness]. He finally leaves.

I ask my boss if they can bring their child, and he gets furious. Apparently, they weren’t even allowed to pick up their child at all. As soon as they got their positive test, they should have gone to quarantine. And he most definitely wasn’t allowed to stay here and talk about the weather and stuff.

I email the dad.

Me: “[Child] can come, but you’re not allowed to bring or pick him up. Someone else has to do this until you have a negative test and can leave quarantine again.”

Dad: “This is outrageous. We’re just staying outside. Can’t you make an exception? We don’t have family or friends that can do this for us. [Child] needs to go to kindergarten. And we’re vaccinated so it should be okay. We don’t even go into quarantine.”

Me: “I am sorry, sir, but there is nothing I can do. I don’t make rules and it doesn’t matter if you’re vaccinated or not. You NEED to stay at home because you got [illness]. You’re not even allowed to get groceries or mail, and if you bring your child, we won’t take him inside.”

Dad: “Then [Child] won’t attend kindergarten. Even though I don’t understand these rules. They’re dumb. It’s your fault that he’ll miss out on everything. What are we supposed to do with our child? We can’t play with him for a week or even longer.”

Me: “As I said, I don’t make the rules. Please stay home and get well soon.”

The dad never talked to me again about anything. The audacity of some people…

When the kindergarten was closed due to [health crisis], or children weren’t allowed to come to kindergarten, we got so many complaints like: “What am I supposed to do/play with my child?” “My child is bored. What should I do?” “I can’t do this anymore; when can I finally bring my child again?” “My child is driving me nuts; when are you open again?” 

Don’t have a child if you apparently don’t want one!