(I am just getting off work at [Large Chain Store], and am waiting outside in uniform for my ride to come pick me up. Keep in mind that the uniform has the store’s name and logo on it, in addition to the store’s name being plastered onto the side of the store, and a large sign advertising for the store is out front. At this time, a woman drives up to me.)

Woman: “Excuse me, is this [Large Chain Store]?”

Me: *looks at the store*

Me: *looks at my shirt*

Me: *looks at the sign*

Me: “No, it’s around the block.”

Woman: “Thank you!” *drives off*

(I work at the customer service desk of a hardware store. The returns registers are located behind the desk. There are two returns registers, but there is usually only one cashier stationed there since it doesn’t get super busy. If a line does start forming at returns, a service desk associate will step over to help out. At this specific time, I’m working the service desk alone, as the mid-shift hasn’t arrived yet. A few customers show up to make returns at the same time, so I step over to help the cashier out. The cashier and I are each in the middle of a transaction when a customer waiting in line — a customer who’s well-known, and not for good reasons — speaks up. The customer I’m currently helping is only returning a single item, and the well-known customer is the very next person in line.)

Customer: “Hey! Are you open over there for returns?”

Cashier: *looking up from her current customer* “Excuse me, sir?”

Customer: “Ugh. Are you open over there?”

Cashier: “Sir, I’m open right here, but I’m with a customer.”

Customer: “I didn’t ask that! Hey!” *I realize he’s now trying to get my attention* “Are you taking returns over there?” *pointing to my desk that has no one standing near it*

Me: “We’re taking returns right here, sir, but please give me a moment. I’m still helping this customer.”

Customer: “Ugh! That’s not what I asked you! Are you open over there for returns?”

(I look behind me at my still empty desk.)

Me: “No. I’m open right here taking returns. It will only be a moment.”

Customer: “That’s not what I asked!”

My Current Customer: “Unbelievable. I really feel for you. I worked retail for way too long, so I understand!”

Customer: *talking to himself but loud enough for us to hear* “This is just f****** bulls***.”

(The transaction that the customer was complaining through took maybe two minutes. Luckily, I was needed at the desk, and a different associate showed up to relieve me just as I called the rude customer to my register.)

(Our store closes at different times each day, so some customers are confused about closing times. Two ladies enter together just before closing time and start browsing the shelves.)

Customer #1: “Hey, why did the lights go out?”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. It’s 7:58, and we close at 8:00. Do you need help finding anything?”

Customer #1: “What do you mean you close at 8:00? I thought you closed at 10:00?”

Me: “Our hours are very confusing, I agree. We close at 10:00 on Fridays and Saturdays, but at 8:00 on Mondays through Wednesdays.”

(My coworker comes with keys to lock the front door, and I switch off our open sign. It is now 8:01.)

Customer #2: “What is she doing? Is she locking us in here?”

Coworker: “No, I’ll let you out when you’re finished, but we have to close the doors since it’s now after 8:00 pm. I’ll wait right here so you can get out.”

Customer #2: “But I thought y’all closed at 10:00?”

Me: “Again, I know it’s confusing. We close at 8:00 tonight. Is there anything I can help you find? We really need to finish closing up for the night.”

Customer #1: “Absolutely not! You’re kicking us out!”

Me: “No, miss, I’m not. You were here before we closed. If you know what you’d like, I’d be happy to ring it up for you.”

Customer #2: “This is so rude. I cannot believe this.”

Customer #1: “We are paying customers like anyone else; how dare you kick us out?!”

Coworker: “She wasn’t kicking you out, but now that it’s 8:10 and you’re still squabbling about it, I’m going to have to kick you out.”

Customer #2: “How dare you?! I’m writing a letter to the manager! No, to the state! You’re both getting fired! This store closes at 10:00!”

(The customers left together, without purchasing anything. Once outside they went to take a photo of our posted hours, at which point they noticed that the sign clearly says we close at 8:00 pm on Monday.)

(I work in a coffee shop, and I have this conversation at least 30 times in a day.)

Customer: “Coffee.”

Me: “What size?”

Customer: “Cooooffeeee.”

Me: “Yes, what size?”

Customer: “Cooo-fffff-eeeee, crreeeeeeeeam and sugaaaar.”

Me: “Right, one extra-large with cream and sugar it is.”

Customer: “Wait, no! I wanted a small! I… Oh…”

(My fiancé and I have been dating since we were in high school, ten years ago. My extended family is very close-knit, and in the past decade he’s come to at least two or three family events with me every year, including holidays, vacations, etc. We wait to get engaged until I am out of graduate school, and this is what happens when we announce it to my extended family.)

Me: “So… [Fiancé] and I have news. We’re getting married!”

(I expect a bit of a reaction, since my family usually goes all-out for events like weddings. Instead…)

Aunt: “You’re getting married?”

Me: “Uh, yes.”

Cousin #1: “But you guys are already married.”

Cousin #2: “Right, yeah, I was thinking that.”

Me: “No, I’m not.”

Uncle #1: “Yeah, you are, right? I remember sending a gift.”

Me: “You sent us a housewarming gift when we moved in together, but we didn’t get married. There was never a wedding.”

Uncle #2: “But you’ve been together for so long.”

Me: “We wanted to wait until I finished school before we made it official, though. You all really thought we were already married? Why wouldn’t I have invited you to the wedding?”

Cousin #1: “I thought you were just being a b**** about it or something.”

(Yeah, apparently my whole extended family, all of whom I see on a semi-regular basis, all thought that I was married. Silver lining, at least my fiancé and I are so compatible people just assume we’re going to be together forever.)