(I am a nurse practitioner, assisting my coworker inserting a vascular catheter for dialysis use. The patient is very restless.)

Coworker: “Please stay as still as you can; we don’t want to puncture the wrong blood vessel.”

Patient: “Okay, okay, sorry. It’s just that it really hurts.”

(My coworker continues with the catheterisation, but the patient still keeps wriggling.)

Coworker: “On a scale of one to ten, what is the pain level? I have given you lots of local anaesthetic already.”

Patient: “Nine to ten!”

Coworker: “Okay, let’s give you a little bit more local.”

(My coworker turns to me.)

Coworker: “Okay, let’s give him some more [anaesthetic].”

(I then point to the tray containing all the items required for the procedure, specifically the syringe containing the local anaesthetic — the FULL syringe that hasn’t been used.)

Coworker: *eyes bulge* “Oh, s***!”

(She turns back to the patient.)

Coworker: “Okay, we’re giving you some more local now. How is that?”

Patient: “Oh, much better!”

(The rest of the procedure went by without a hitch. To clear it up, my coworker has been working in the dialysis ward for almost twenty years and this was her first minor mistake at the end of a very long cover shift, but she d*** well hasn’t made that mistake again!)

(We offer a rough cut panel saw for the guys in the lumber department to make cuts for a few people. At first, we don’t charge the cutting fee — $.25 per cut after two cuts — but after a few people keep walking up for 20, 30, or 40 cuts at a time, we — or rather management — decide to start charging. One day, a student from the art department of the nearby university walks up to the saw with a bunch of wood to cut.)

Student: “I need each of these cut into three four-foot pieces.”

(With the number of boards, and the length, it’s about 14 cuts.)

Me: “You got it.”

(I measure and cut the boards to his wants. After the cuts, I give him a write-up of the cuts.) 

Me: “Okay, here’s your sheet for 12 cuts, as the first two are free!”

Student: “Wait, the first two are free? I thought they were all free!”

Me: “We started charging several months ago. We were supposed to be charging for a while but they started last year. Other stores have actually been charging all along.”

Student: “Well, you could post a sign!”

(I say nothing; I just point to the 8×10 sign behind him that says in big, bold print, “Wood Cutting $.25”!)

Student: “Um, well, you could put up more than ONE!” 

(Again, I say nothing; I just point to another sign on the other side of the saw saying the exact same thing.)

Student: “Aw, s***!”

I am the bad customer, though unintentionally.

We went to our favorite sushi restaurant and it was packed. One waiter was running around, taking care of everyone, and doing his best. We could tell he was a good waiter but a bit flustered.

I did not receive one of our rolls we ordered, but we were stuffed by that point anyway, so we told him it was fine and he took it off our tab. We paid him in cash and he said he’d be right back with our change, but we told him to keep the change, tipped the sushi guy, and left happy.

I got home and realized I had too much money left — I knew how much I started with — and realized I had paid for our food, tipped the sushi guy, and stiffed the waiter! I immediately drove back, explained what had happened, and apologized. He was very gracious and said, “Well, drinks were a little slow, and I did miss one of your rolls.”

I told him he did a great job and that I was embarrassed that I had forgotten his tip, and gave him a few extra bucks. He held out his hand for a shake and thanked me for returning. I redeemed myself, but what a dummy! I am still cringing at my “keep the change,” remark as, at that point, it was literally just some change, about 11 cents. Ouch.

(After moving into our home, we receive occasional phone calls asking to set up a hair-styling appointment. A little online research shows that our new phone number once belonged to a local hair salon. The salon went out of business many years ago, but some online business directories still have the listing. For almost all the callers, telling them that they’ve reached a private residence is enough; they apologize and hang up. One caller refuses to accept that:)

Me: “Hello?”

Caller: “Yeah, uh, this is [Caller], and I need to make an appointment.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but this is a private residence. We’re not a hair salon.”

Caller: “But I need to get my hair done.”

Me: “Wish I could help, but that salon is out of business. We just got their phone number.”

Caller: *apparently referring to their computer* “But this says you’re open! I need to get my hair done next Thursday.”

Me: *giving up* “Okay, fine. What time next Thursday?”

Caller: “Between 10:00 and 11:00, but I’d like Stephanie. Does she still work there?”

Me: *just making stuff up now* “Yes, she does, and you’re in luck; Stephanie has an opening at 10:30.”

Caller: “Okay, that’ll work.”

Me: “See you then!”

(I am curious where the caller went that day, but I never heard from her again.)

(I am buying color-mix paint, where you choose a color from a card and then colorant is added to white paint to make the shade you have chosen. I have chosen a brick red color, and it is currently in the machine being mixed.)

Employee: “So, this paint gets returned a lot as it looks pink when you first apply it. You need to do two or three coats and let it dry, and it will end up the same color as the test card.”

Me: “Okay, that’s fine, as long as it ends up red.”

(The employee takes the paint out of the mixer and pops the top so I can see the color. It is bright pink.)

Me: “Wow, that really is pink! It does end up red, though, yes?”

Employee: “Yes, it really does. It even looks pink on the wall, but I promise when it dries it will be red. We keep getting customers returning this color and we have to tell them to go home and check it again when it’s dry. None of them have ever come back a second time.”

Me: “Okay, that’s fine, thanks.”

(I take my paint and go to leave, but as I do, a second employee comes into the paint mix area and happens to glance at the color I have chosen.)

Employee #2: “Oh! Did you know that this paint will look pink, but will end up red when it’s dry?”

Me: “I take it this happens a lot…”