(I work in a science centre. We have a regular who comes in and is adamant that her kid is a genius, frequently telling us how her kid could attend the teenager-focused lectures and get more out of it than the teenagers, how she’s been teaching her friend’s kids maths, etc.; it’s just that she feels shy today and that’s why she isn’t speaking in the full sentences her mother says she can definitely do. This child is two, and while bright and attentive, she seems about on par with other two-year-olds. We’ve always wondered if the parent sincerely believes this and is a little delusional or if she’s lying for attention. We give her a wide berth as she gets upset if we treat her child like a normal two-year-old — offering her toys or colouring, speaking to her in a “patronising tone,” etc. But we overhear her talking to the other parents.)

Mother: “We came all the way here to look at the Christmas lights and they haven’t even got them on today? That’s ridiculous! Why even have them if you’re not going to switch them on?!”

Other Parent: “Well, they don’t run them during the day.”

Mother: “Well, that’s stupid. Some of us have small children. It’s not practical for us to come out at night. They should have them on during the day so we can enjoy them, too. [Child] was just devastated that the city doesn’t think she deserves to see the Christmas lights!”

([Child] is currently eating paper and chewing on texta lids and having a great time.)

Other Parent: “No, as in, they don’t have them on because you wouldn’t be able to see them during the day.”

Mother: *scoffs* “Of course we can’t see them; they’re not on.”

Other Parent: “No, because the lights wouldn’t be visible during the day. Even if they were on, you wouldn’t be able to see them, because the sun is so bright they would look like they’re off. There’s no effect during the day.”

Mother: “You’re being ridiculous; you can still turn lights on during the day. Electricity doesn’t just stop working when the sun is out.”

Other Parent: “Yes, I know that, but you wouldn’t be able to see… You know what? I think my son needs the bathroom. Excuse me.”

Mother: *to me* “God, can you even believe how stupid some people are?”

(New theory: her daughter is a genius because the bar is set very low.)

(I am sixteen, working for a pub that is rather mismanaged. I am often sent down to the supermarket multiple times on a shift. It is December and there is a Christmas menu in place. My boss has sent me to the supermarket for Christmas crackers and says the kind he wants have animals on them. I get to the supermarket and head straight for the snack aisle and look at all the cracker boxes, trying to find one with animals on, whilst also wondering when we started doing cheese and biscuits. We’re not allowed phones on shift, even when running errands, so I can’t phone and ask. Eventually, I decide to ask an employee for help.)

Me: “Excuse me. Do you have any crackers with animals on?”

Employee: “What kind of crackers?”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Employee: “The food kind or the ones you pull at Christmas?”

(Cue me staring off into space for a solid minute wondering why I was so stupid.)

Me: “The ones you pull at Christmas.”

(The employee led me to the crackers and, sure enough, there was a set with animals on the front. From then on, I always made sure to get proper clarification before journeying down to the supermarket.)

(I’m at a restaurant where my server is a young woman named Joy. I hear her talking to the table next to me that just came in.)

Server: “Welcome to [Restaurant]. My name is Joy; I’ll be taking care of you tonight.”

Customer: “Your name is Joy?”

Server: “Yep.”

Customer: “Are you joyful?”

Server: *being polite* “I think most of the time, but there are moments when I’m not.”

Customer: “Are you going to serve us joyfully?”

Server: “I’ll try.”

Customer: “Do you enjoy being a server?”

Server: *passing around the coasters* “It pays for college.”

Customer: “Do you like Christmas? There’s lots of joy then!”

Server: “I do like Christmas. Can I get you started with some drinks?”

Customer: “Which drink would make me the most joyful?”

(It went on and on like this. She kept her cool the entire time. I wonder if he also does this to people named Hope or Faith.)

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(One of my pet peeves is when sales associates respond with “I don’t think so” when asked a question. In my mind, that leaves the question unanswered, since it is the employee’s responsibility to either know for sure, or to find out one way or the other. “I don’t think so” leaves the customer hanging. Do they? Don’t they? Which is it? For example, this happened just a few minutes ago while calling a local hardware store:)

Me: “Do you sell lighted Christmas garland?”

Employee: “Umm, I don’t believe so.”

Me: *pause* “Uh…”

Employee: “Umm, I don’t think so.”

(I’m working up a snarky “So when will you know for sure?”, but before I can say anything…)

Employee: “Okay, thanks! Have a nice day!” *click*

(My boyfriend of three years has invited his parents for Christmas at our home. I refer to them as my in-laws and they are notoriously poorly behaved, demanding things and being very rude at times for no reason. This occurs on Christmas Eve when there’s a problem with their car. After texting my own father, who is a red seal mechanic, I tell them what he believes the problem is based on the facts.)

Me: “My dad said it sounds like the hose wasn’t attached properly and came off; it should be an easy fix.”

Mother-In-Law: *condescendingly* “That’s not the problem.”

(They continue to talk amongst themselves, all getting irritated and angry at each other until eventually, my boyfriend has to tell them to stop fighting and calls a car-savvy friend to take a look.)

Friend: “Yeah, they didn’t attach that hose right. Looks like it fell off. It’s a pretty easy fix; I’ll do it now.”

Mother-In-Law: *giving me an “I told you so” look* “See, I knew that was the problem.”

Me: *proceeds to Irish up my coffee*

(Turns out they didn’t actually replace the hose, either, just poorly fixed it, so it’s still messed up. When it comes detached again, [Father-In-Law] starts asking the friend why it stayed on before but not for him in a very rude way that makes everyone uncomfortable. The in-laws then go outside, likely to smoke.)

Friend: *to me* “Alcohol?”

Me: *already tipsy* “Have as much as you want.”

(At least my boyfriend is a sweetie.)