Why Egg-Nog Was Invented

(My boyfriend of three years has invited his parents for Christmas at our home. I refer to them as my in-laws and they are notoriously poorly behaved, demanding things and being very rude at times for no reason. This occurs on Christmas Eve when there’s a problem with their car. After texting my own father, who is a red seal mechanic, I tell them what he believes the problem is based on the facts.)

Me: “My dad said it sounds like the hose wasn’t attached properly and came off; it should be an easy fix.”

Mother-In-Law: *condescendingly* “That’s not the problem.”

(They continue to talk amongst themselves, all getting irritated and angry at each other until eventually, my boyfriend has to tell them to stop fighting and calls a car-savvy friend to take a look.)

Friend: “Yeah, they didn’t attach that hose right. Looks like it fell off. It’s a pretty easy fix; I’ll do it now.”

Mother-In-Law: *giving me an “I told you so” look* “See, I knew that was the problem.”

Me: *proceeds to Irish up my coffee*

(Turns out they didn’t actually replace the hose, either, just poorly fixed it, so it’s still messed up. When it comes detached again, [Father-In-Law] starts asking the friend why it stayed on before but not for him in a very rude way that makes everyone uncomfortable. The in-laws then go outside, likely to smoke.)

Friend: *to me* “Alcohol?”

Me: *already tipsy* “Have as much as you want.”

(At least my boyfriend is a sweetie.)