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Whatever You’re Thinking Of Doing… Don’t

, , , , , | Legal | November 1, 2021

I am travelling on the bus from Vancouver to Seattle. As I am getting on the bus, I see another traveller rock up who immediately looks suspicious. He’s arrived with zero luggage and looks far too relaxed. Something about his body language and demeanour looks funny, and a couple of travellers even mention the fact he has no luggage. I put this down to me just being paranoid and decide that as long as he’s not causing trouble I’ll pay him no mind.

When we get to the US/Canada border, his demeanour immediately changes. He appears a little more jittery and nervous and begins to pace around. Immediately, one of the US border agents takes notice. 

Border Agent: “Hey, sir… Are you all right? Why are you pacing around so much?”

The guy tries to ignore him.

Border Agent: “Sir… why are you pacing around?”

The guy then gives him an extremely arrogant sneer and shrugs. Instantly, all of us can tell this was a dumb move! 

Border Agent: “Come with me, please, sir!”

He gestures for him to follow, but the guy remains rooted to the spot.

Border Agent: “Sir, come this way immediately!”

The guy very sheepishly followed him into the building. When we left the border, the guy wasn’t on the bus. I have no idea what he was doing, but I have a feeling it was illicit. The lesson here when dealing with border agents: don’t be that guy!

Just Tell The Family You Went To Borders

, , , | Right | September 17, 2021

My mom and I are from Germany and we went to visit our relatives in Canada. They live close to the American border.

One day, we wanted to drive to a tourist attraction. There was road work ahead and our lane suddenly ended. I had to drive left into some kind of parking lot because I was unfamiliar with the road. We were confused and tried to get back on the road. I wanted to take a road that could get us back. My mom thought otherwise.

Mom: “Don’t take that road, I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

I wanted to follow her advice but couldn’t. Then, we saw a strange official sign.

The next thing we knew, we were on a single road on a bridge going to the US. We were both horrified. There were cars behind me and I couldn’t go back. Fortunately, I was able to turn my car around and avoid entering the US, but we still had to wait in line to enter Canada — and without our passports; they were safely back at the house.

It was so embarrassing to tell the customs officers sheepishly what happened.

Me: “We took a wrong turn and never wanted to leave Canada.”

He looked at us sternly. We could only give our German ID, which he couldn’t read, of course. Then, we had to park and wait in an office. The people there looked also very unimpressed. The last person, finally, was really nice.

Worker: “Don’t worry about it; this happens a few times a week. But next time, please take your passport with you.”

We were really relieved. But we never told our relatives, although our trip was about an hour and a half shorter than planned.

Gotta Love Consequences

, , , , , | Legal | September 14, 2021

This happened when my parents went on their honeymoon in Spain. Back then, there were ID checks each time you transferred from one nation to another, and the one at the France-Spain border in particular had a queue going on for miles.

My father, who was driving, moved to the emergency lane, went past a line of 100+ cars, and merged back into the queue just before the Border Police shack.

Out of the shack came a French gendarme with the red and green traffic baton. He singled out my parents’ car and directed them to move onto the median strip. Once they were there, he put the baton under his armpit and walked back inside the shack while the other motorists jeered and cheered.

It was more than an hour before my parents were allowed to join the queue again.

The Municipality Needs To Hire More Mediums

, , , | Right | September 2, 2021

I answer the main phone line for a municipality. We collect the caller’s information and then dispatch our workers out to fix issues as necessary. We take traffic light issues very seriously and immediately contact staff to have them fixed as it is a safety hazard. We have hundreds of crosswalk buttons across the city, and while they do regular maintenance, there is no way they could check each button every day, so we rely on callers to inform us of problems.


Me: “Okay, I am sorry to hear that. Can I ask what intersection those lights are at?”

Caller: “Are you f****** listening? I said I was almost hit by a car! You need to fix the lights!”

Me: “Yes. I need to know where they are on [Street] in order to have them fixed.”

Caller: “They are at [Intersection]! You need to fix them right now! That’s a f****** safety hazard! I was almost killed! I have a daughter! If I was hit by a car, you would have a bigger problem! You need to do something!”

I keep trying to get a word in while she is screaming over me.

Me: “Okay, I am going to let the crew know right now and have them fix it.”

Caller: “You have to fix it now! You can’t just ‘let them know’! You have to do something!”

Me: *Trying to interject again* “Okay, this is the first I am hearing of it so I will let them know right now.”

Caller: “Are you f****** kidding me? You can’t just use the excuse that this is the first you are hearing of it! You have to fix it! I was almost hit by a car! I have a daughter! I could have been killed!”

Me: *Trying to speak over her screaming* “Okay, I am going to dispatch them now.” *Disconnects the call*

I called the crew right away and they said they would be there shortly to fix the button. She ended up emailing to say I was rude and didn’t care about her issue and didn’t fix it immediately. I am not sure how she thought we would know it was broken if no one had to told us, or how she thought I would dispatch a crew while she was screaming at me on the phone.

The Power To Point Out Stupidity

, , , , , | Right | July 2, 2021

I work as a level-two help desk tech at a major university under contract with a government agency to provide computer support. We aren’t bound by any agreement that we can’t point out someone’s stupidity to them when deserved.

This was in the day when everyone was getting laptops but not everyone knew how they worked (so it really could have been yesterday).

Me: “[Agency Help Desk], this is [My Name].”

Client: “I can’t get my laptop to turn off.”

Me: “Okay, did you try holding the power button for five seconds?”

Client: “Yes, but it wouldn’t turn off.”

Me: “Try unplugging it from the power outlet.”

Client: “I did, but it still won’t turn off.”

Me: “So, let’s remove the battery and see what happens.”

Client: “It’s still powered on.”

Me: “So, send it to me, and I will split the money with you.”

Client: “Money? What are you talking about?”

Me: “Well, we’ve found the only laptop in the world that doesn’t require any source of power, and we are going to be rich.”

Client: “Umm, I’ll call back later.”

Me: “Okay, but I was hoping to buy a yacht.”

Client: *Click!*