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This Is Not A Drill!

, , , , , , | Legal | September 18, 2022

Many years ago, the local volunteer fire department held drill (training) every Monday night at 6:00 pm. The call signal for the drill was to sound the call sirens three times.

One Monday, a firefighter going to drill saw that the elderly couple who lived just up the street was having a chimney fire.

Naturally, he ran in and told the chief, who called out the department, and then the firefighter telephoned the couple to tell them that the fire department was on the way.

The elderly couple, being hard of hearing, hadn’t noticed the chimney fire… and were somewhat confused to receive a call telling them the fire department was on their way!

The Tip Of The Sith

, , , , , , , , | Right | September 8, 2022

I work in a food service store. It’s much like a grocery store, but we focus on serving restaurants, caterers, or those planning big events — bulk food. Every so often, I am asked to help someone load their vehicle, either because they have large volumes or, in the case of this story, the customer is just not strong enough to load three fifty-pound sacks of flour into their SUV.

Two sweet elderly ladies had me help load their SUV, and I had a genuinely nice time chatting with them as I did so. But as I closed their doors and thanked them for shopping, I felt my hand get grabbed.

This sweet woman suddenly had the vocal intonation of Senator Palpatine as she hissed:

Woman #1: “Take it. Shut up. Shut up and take it.”

Then, she released her grasp, leaving me with a $5 bill in my hand.

Suddenly, sweet as candy, she thanked me for helping and got into her car. I was amused, and I began gathering a couple of carts to take back into the store. Then, the same SUV stopped beside me as they made their way out of the lot.

The second lady rolled down her window and produced her hand as if to shake mine. I obliged, and as I was expecting another thank you, I got:

Woman #2: “I just want to thank you for— don’t say a d*** word and just take it — and have a nice day!”

This lady also spoke with the snap change to Sith Lord mid-sentence before she pulled away, leaving a second $5 bill in my hand.

I’ve rarely received tips — no, not tips, monetary gifts — at work. And talking with my coworkers, I am the only one to have gotten a drive-by donation that we know of.

No One Can Stop Grandma!

, , , , , , , | Friendly | September 7, 2022

My grandma just turned eighty-five, and she made the two-and-a-half-hour drive to visit us. We had a few friends over, and one of them struck up a conversation with my grandma. She is known for her sense of humor and quick wit.

Friend: *Concerned* “It’s such a long way. Did you drive all the way here?”

Grandma: *Very indignant* “Well, I don’t have a helicopter!”

She still drives down, and she’s ninety-one now.

Tough As Nails; The Tilt-A-Whirl Won’t Make Her Hurl!

, , , , , , | Related | September 6, 2022

Tonight is the last night of my vacation with my parents. They have a few rides on the boardwalk, and I treat my mom to a ride on the Tilt-A-Whirl. When we get off:

Attendant: *To my mom* “How old are you?”

Mom: “I’m eighty-two.”

The attendant was absolutely tickled pink, and he gave her two thumbs up. She high-fived him.

I think we made his night!

Sooo Not Ready For The Internet, Part 4

, , , , , , | Right | August 30, 2022

An older lady who has purchased her first smartphone comes into the store.

Customer: “I need to know, who is Mimi?”

Me: “Uh… I don’t know, ma’am. Is that a person?”

Customer: “Yes, my grandchildren love her. They keep sending me pictures of her, but I don’t understand.”

Me: “May I see?”

The customer shows me a group chat that she is part of, seemingly a family chat. Most of the messages are memes with accompanying “lols”.

Customer: “See? They’re all different! How can they all be Mimi?”

Me: “Ah, I see. Ma’am, these images are Internet jokes called memes, not Mimis.”

Customer: “Oh, so Mimi isn’t the one in the picture, she’s the one sending them?”

Me: “Uh… no. It’s the name of the joke… format? Like a comic. It’s a picture joke.”

Customer: “Oh… I don’t get this joke, then. Can you explain it for me?”

The example in question is basically a fifth-generation meme that would require a deep explanation of Internet culture going back years. I see that it has been sent by the contact “Thomas – Grandson.”

Me: “I think it would be best if you asked your grandson, ma’am.”

Customer: “I did! He said I should ask you guys instead.”

Gee, thanks, Thomas!

Sooo Not Ready For The Internet, Part 3
Sooo Not Ready For The Internet, Part 2
Sooo Not Ready For The Internet