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Gotta Make Up For That Wage Gap Somehow

, , , , , | Working | September 18, 2020

My great-grandmother was an incredible woman and quite a bit of a penny pincher. She was women’s lib before that even existed. She had a separate bank account from her husband and actually owned land in her own name — an unusual thing back in the 1930s. She once threw a fit when the bank added my great-grandfather’s name to her bank account without permission. He also told the bank that what they did was wrong.

So, because of this, she was very careful and shrewd with her money. She had a business and believed in giving customers full benefit for their money… but she also demanded the same from others.

One day, when she is around ninety, she has a plumbing issue and has to call a professional. He actually is able to fix it in less than thirty minutes. The problem comes when he presents the bill.

Great-Grandmother: “Wait. Why are you charging me for two hours of labor when you only worked for less than thirty minutes?”

Plumber: “That is our minimum labor charge.”

Great-Grandmother: “Then you owe me an hour and a half of work.” *Hands him a rake* “You can rake up the leaves in my yard.”

Plumber: *Incredulous pause* “You have got to be kidding me. I am a plumber.”

Great-Grandmother: “Good for you. If I am going to pay for two hours of labor, you will earn two hours of labor. Now get to work.”

After standing there for a minute, he realized that this little old woman was not kidding. The plumber picked up the rake and spent the next hour and a half raking up leaves.

My great-grandmother came out after an hour and a half with a glass of lemonade and the money to pay the bill.

She did this with anyone and everyone she hired to do anything. They did not argue and she paid them gladly. 

I miss her.

This story is part of our Best Of September 2020 roundup!

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The Beery Dearies

, , , , | Right | September 7, 2020

I am arranging some food at the grocery store when two elderly ladies come up to me, looking conservative in their long skirts and very simple shirts.

Elderly Lady: “Hello, dearie!”

Me: “Hello! Can I help you?”

Elderly Lady: “I think you can.”

Her voice suddenly becomes more rough and casual.

Elderly Lady: “Where’s the beer?”

Me: “The beer?”

Elderly Lady: “Yes, the beer! All I see is wine around here, but I want beer. Where is it?”

Me: “Uh, it’s in the back near the soda.”

Elderly Lady: “Oh! That would make sense.”

She switches back to the little-old-lady voice.

Elderly Lady: “Thank you, dearie!”

The two ladies trotted off to the back to find their beer. More power to them.

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Life Goals!

, , , , | Related | September 4, 2020

I am on holiday on the Gold Coast, Queensland. I go for a walk while my wife takes a nap. I walk 12km, but along the way, I need a “rest stop” and go into a local Surf Lifesaving Club. 

When I come out, there is an older woman sitting there looking out at the beach. I ask her what city I am looking back at.

Woman: “I don’t know; I’ve only been here a week.”

It’s Coolangatta.

Me: “What brought you here?”

Woman: “Well, I lived in Tasmania, and I sold my house when my husband died and rented a smaller place. My son and daughter-in-law moved in with me as they had a few problems and they could save a bit of rent money that way. I just had my seventy-fifth birthday, and my son said to me, ‘Well, Mum, time to get a power of attorney for me and for you to move into a retirement home.’”

She pauses and looks out at the beach again.

Woman: “I left them a note on the kitchen table that night and came over here. I’m going to live here where it’s nice and warm. Move into a retirement home and give them access to my money, my foot. They can go find another sucker to be their goldmine.”

I laughed and said I thought she was fantastic. I’m sorry I didn’t give her a hug. Good on you, ma’am; I hope it’s all still working for you!

This story is part of our Best Of September 2020 roundup!

Read the next story in the Best Of September 2020 roundup!

Read the Best Of September 2020 roundup!

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Dressed Up For Your Non-Birthday

, , | Right | July 9, 2020

An old gentleman with a walker comes up to me.

Old Gentleman: “Is it your birthday?”

Me: “Um… no? Mine was in the spring.”

Old Gentleman: “Oh. The last two ladies I talked to in the photo department, it was their birthday.”

Me: “Nice timing!”

Later, after I punch out and head for the door, he asks where to find a specific candy he likes. I lead him to it.

Me: “So, all jazzed up. What’s the occasion?”

He has on a dark suit and a tie.

Old Gentleman: “Well, today I went to the doctor, then I got a haircut, and now I’m here at [Store] on my way home.”

Me: *Confused* “A suit, to get your haircut?”

Old Gentleman: “No, the doctor’s office, for the nurses!” *Sly wink*

Very sweet customer!

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At That Age, You’ve Earned The Right To Sleep In

, , , , , | Related | July 5, 2020

My eighty-four-year-old grandmother recently moved into a nursing home. Naturally, it’s been a bit of an adjustment for her. I’ve called her up to chat and she’s complaining that she has to wait until 8:15 to go down for breakfast.

Me: “Well, can’t you just go down an hour earlier so you eat at the same time you would at home?”

Grandmother: “No! I wouldn’t go down that early. There are old people there then!”

We both promptly started laughing hysterically. She meant there were older men down at that time that she had no interest in talking to, but it’s nice to know she doesn’t think eighty-four is old!

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