Dressed Up For Your Non-Birthday

, , | Right | July 9, 2020

An old gentleman with a walker comes up to me.

Old Gentleman: “Is it your birthday?”

Me: “Um… no? Mine was in the spring.”

Old Gentleman: “Oh. The last two ladies I talked to in the photo department, it was their birthday.”

Me: “Nice timing!”

Later, after I punch out and head for the door, he asks where to find a specific candy he likes. I lead him to it.

Me: “So, all jazzed up. What’s the occasion?”

He has on a dark suit and a tie.

Old Gentleman: “Well, today I went to the doctor, then I got a haircut, and now I’m here at [Store] on my way home.”

Me: *Confused* “A suit, to get your haircut?”

Old Gentleman: “No, the doctor’s office, for the nurses!” *Sly wink*

Very sweet customer!

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At That Age, You’ve Earned The Right To Sleep In

, , , , , | Related | July 5, 2020

My eighty-four-year-old grandmother recently moved into a nursing home. Naturally, it’s been a bit of an adjustment for her. I’ve called her up to chat and she’s complaining that she has to wait until 8:15 to go down for breakfast.

Me: “Well, can’t you just go down an hour earlier so you eat at the same time you would at home?”

Grandmother: “No! I wouldn’t go down that early. There are old people there then!”

We both promptly started laughing hysterically. She meant there were older men down at that time that she had no interest in talking to, but it’s nice to know she doesn’t think eighty-four is old!

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Tomatoh-My-God!

, , , , | Right | June 25, 2020

I have just started working at a local restaurant, doing the salad bar. It is my first day working on my own after training. I am very easily startled.

I am carrying a full tin of tomatoes out to the salad bar.

Tiny Old Lady: “Excuse me, miss?”

She taps me on the shoulder. I am startled and accidentally spill the whole tin all over her.

Me: “Oh, my goodness! I’m so sorry!”

Tiny Old Lady: “It’s all right, honey; I’m eighty-seven years old! I need some excitement in my life!”

I apologized many more times and this lady gave me a hug upon finding out it was my first day.


This story is included in our Feel-Good roundup for June 2020!

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Having A Pew Pew Fight

, , , , , | Right | June 7, 2020

I work at a church as a sacristan helping keep the church orderly for Mass. There are often special elderly parishioners in attendance who have issues.

Old Lady #1: “This is my pew!”

Old Lady #2: “No, this is my pew.”

Me: “Excuse me, ladies. Here at [Church] we believe that community members should share the Mass together. How about both of you sit in this pew?”

Old Lady #1: “This is the 10:30 Mass and this pew is my pew for the 10:30 Mass. I have always sat in this pew for the 10:30 Mass. I have been sitting in this pew for the 10:30 Mass since 1932. Long before you or this bat have been here!”

Old Lady #2: “No, I’ve been sitting here. This is my pew!”

The conversation proceeds on like this with me trying to interject and break things up to no avail. Eventually, a priest comes over.

Priest: “Excuse me, but what seems to be the issue here?”

The two old ladies are practically at blows. They shout their pew story at the priest and he takes [Old Lady #1] by the hand and leads her to a different empty pew, talking with her all the way.

Old Lady #1: “No, no, that’s my pew!”

Eventually, we started Mass and they stopped. This happens every other week. We still have yet to figure out how to resolve it.

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You Think Being Old Is Hard? Try Listening To Unsolicited Lectures!

, , , , | Friendly | May 12, 2020

My boyfriend and I are out for a stroll at a popular walking park and have sat down at a picnic-style table along the route to catch a breather after walking for forty-five minutes.

An elderly couple approaches and the woman is huffing and puffing exaggeratedly. She slumps down on the bench beside me. I stand up to make room for her. 

Woman: “Oh, don’t get up for poor old me! It’s okay; you can sit. I just have to rest for a bit. I’m over ninety years old you know! Not unlike you healthy young lot!”

Me: “Well, we were sitting here for a while already, so we don’t mind getting going again. Have a nice day!”

Woman: “Oh, no, don’t let us shoo you away! But if you were sitting here for quite a while… ha! Isn’t that just lazy? Are you tired already from your little walk? You and your young legs!”

Her husband chimes in. 

Husband: “Yeah, we’re both over ninety and still taking long walks! Let’s see if you can still keep that up when you reach our age! You think you have it easy now? Just wait until you’re old! Same with jobs nowadays. You youngsters think you have it tough, but we had it much tougher back in the day, you know!”

Both of them go into a spiel on how young people are spoiled and lazy and their generation had it worse, etc. All the while, they keep a friendly smile going. They ask what kind of jobs we are doing and how it’s probably all a piece of cake for us.

I stand to the side a bit, biting my tongue and restraining myself from giving them a piece of my mind and telling them how I’m currently struggling to get a job with my muscle-condition, which is also causing quite some pain on my legs and feet at this very moment, even after the ”little walk” we had. 

My boyfriend is politely answering their questions but also giving signs that we want to continue our walk. The couple seems determined, however, to keep us there as long as they like so they can tell us how privileged our generation is. 

We finally shake them off and walk along.

Me: *To my boyfriend* “Jeez, with all due respect for the elderly, did they just really want us to keep them company so they could spew their opinion about lazy youth on us?”

Boyfriend: “Babe, do us both a favor and let’s never become an old, spoiled, rich couple with matching designer parkas and [Expensive Brand] walking shoes like them!”

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