Client: “On that map of Maryland graphic… can you get rid of that jaggy thing? My client doesn’t like that.”

Me: “Uhh, that’s the Chesapeake Bay.”

Client: “I don’t think it’s part of Maryland, plus it’s annoying, so delete it.”

Me: “Yeah, it’s definitely part of Maryland.”

Client: “I still don’t think so… I’m Googling it right now, hold on.”

Silence.

Client: “Okay, just show the state boundary.”

Me: “Uhh, the Chesapeake Bay defines part of the state’s boundary. I can’t delete a body of water.”

Client: “Just fill it in, then.”

We have a regular who is quite nice, although not the brightest bulb. She is telling us about her upcoming trip to Europe.

Customer: “We’re going to England first, and then France, and then the original Mexico.”

Me: “Sorry, what was that last one?”

Customer: “Oh, you know, the original Mexico. The one before the actual Mexico.”

Me: “Do you mean Spain?”

Customer: “Maybe. Do they speak Spanish there?”

Related:
Totally Estúpido! Part 22
Totally Estúpido! Part 21
Totally Estúpido! Part 20
Totally Estúpido! Part 19
Totally Estúpido! Part 18

One evening, my wife and I went out in Belfast to see a friend who was performing at a comedy club. After the event was over, we said goodbye to our friend and walked back to the car. It was early summer, so even though it was well after 9:00 pm, it still wasn’t dark yet.

As we reached the street where our car was parked, we were approached by a young man in his late teens or early twenties on a bicycle.

Young Man: “Excuse me, guys, can you help me?”

We stopped walking.

Me: “What’s up, mate?”

Young Man: “I’m a bit lost. I’m trying to get into Belfast. Can you give me directions?”

My wife and I looked at each other.

Me: “You’re in Belfast. Are you trying to get to the city centre?”

Young Man: “No, I need to get to Belfast!”

Wife: “My husband already told you that you’re in Belfast! If you want to go to the city centre, then…”

She gave him directions to the city centre from where we were.

Young Man: *Nodding* “Oh, right, and that’s how I get to Belfast?”

Wife & Me: “You’re in Belfast!”

Young Man: “Really?!”

Me: “Yes! This area you are in now is the Cathedral Quarter. It’s all Belfast.”

Young Man: “Are you sure?”

Wife: “We’re definitely sure!”

Young Man: “Oh. Okay. That’s strange!”

He cycled off. My wife and I looked at each other and laughed.

This remains the weirdest interaction we’ve ever had with a stranger. If the young man had smelled of drink or drugs, we’d have known what was up, but he didn’t! He appeared to be completely clean and sober. We’re not sure if he was joking around or just really confused!

My South African spouse and I are watching a live performance of “The Lion King” and enjoying the costuming, songs, etc. After intermission, the stage opens on a nighttime scene. My spouse glares at the display for a moment, and then turns to me and says, in his best radio announcer voice:

Spouse: “That is not the correct Southern sky!”

Galloping stick giraffes, dancing baboons, and costumed lions were all acceptable, but for authenticity, get the constellations correct!

Caller: “My Internet is being weird! I’m in Hawai’i and I should still be getting coverage!”

Me: “Our coverage of Hawai’i is only in the urban areas, sir. The further you are from the contiguous United States, the spottier our coverage becomes.”

Caller: “But I can see Hawai’i on my map! It’s right next to Alaska!”

Me: “That map is probably putting Alaska and Hawai’i next to each other for ease of use, but Hawai’i is not actually placed next to Alaska.”

Caller: “Well, can they place it back?”

I… had no words.