(I am a huge “Game of Thrones” geek, and have just finished a ramble about how it’s likely that Daenerys will die during the War for the Dawn and Jon Snow will take the Iron Throne.)

Mom: “For the sake of peace in this house, I hope Jon does end up on the Iron Throne. Otherwise, you will be angry and ranting about it for months.”

(I stare at her for a good ten seconds.)

Me: “I really want to be offended by that… but I can’t; you’re absolutely right.”

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(A customer comes up to the counter. He’s a man in his twenties, kind of rugged-looking, and is wearing a t-shirt with a popular sports logo on it. He puts a pink shirt, a star-shaped stencil, a can of yellow fabric spray paint, and a huge pink plastic gem on the counter. Being a massive fan of the cartoon “Steven Universe,” I immediately recognize these items as key components for making a cosplay of the main character. Since it’s rare to find fellow Steven Universe fans in my age group, especially fellow guys, I decide to strike up a conversation regarding the show.)

Me: “So, are you excited for the new Steven Universe episode tonight?”

Customer: *looks startled and a bit embarrassed* “Wh-what? No, no way, man. That show’s for kids. This is for, uh, my little sister.”

(Note that the shirt is an adult large. I don’t want to embarrass the guy, so I go along with it.)

Me: “Oh, okay.”

(As I finish ringing him up, his cell phone goes off… and his ringtone is the “Steven Universe” theme song. The guy’s face goes scarlet, and he scrambles to power his phone off.)

Me: *smiles in what I hope is a reassuring way* “No judgement, dude. I’m as big a fan as your ‘sister.’ Enjoy!”

(I’m in the stockroom with my coworker, opening boxes. It’s not going as quickly as I hoped it would, with only two of us working most of the day. It’s also been raining all day, and he only has maybe 30 minutes left of his shift, whereas I still have over an hour.)

Me: “Are we done yet?”

Coworker: “No.”

Me: “Ugh, I’m not going to be able to finish these by myself.”

Coworker: “Nah, you can do it.”

Me: “Not unless I get struck by lightning and become The Flash. I’d finish in, like, 30 seconds.”

Coworker: “Well, there are a bunch of metal rods over there. You could go stand outside for a while.”

Me: *makes a face* “I forgot; there was also a particle accelerator explosion. I can’t be Flash.”

(No matter how many times I’ve wished I were The Flash, it just doesn’t seem possible — let alone safe. Sigh.)

(My friends and I are playing a tabletop roleplaying game similar to “Dungeons and Dragons.” We have three players and our Game Master. We have been given a fairly standard fetch quest, gathering up a bunch of items to be brought back. One part of the quest leads us to a series of caves that requires us to swim through an underwater lake. That forces us to leave most of our weapons and armor behind. The three of us venture into the cave, armed only with what little we can carry through the water. Our wizard, though, has a magical dagger. Once a day, it can cast the spell “Stand Still.” As the name implies, the target is frozen in place, unable to move. The caverns are largely uneventful, and at last we reach the macguffin. In this case, it’s a crystal on a pedestal. I check it for traps, then pick it up. This causes a stone door to rise, opening the way. But it also reveals a cave troll! Properly equipped, it will be no match. But in our current state, it is a dangerous foe. Our wizard draws his dagger.)

Wizard: “I cast–”

Me: “Wait! Is it in the doorway yet?”

Game Master: “Uh, yeah. The troll is in the door.”

Me: “Now!”

Wizard: “I cast Stand Still!”

Game Master: “The troll is frozen, its body blocking the exit.”

Me: “I put the crystal back.”

Game Master: “You… Wait, you what?”

Me: “I put the crystal back on the pedestal.”

Game Master: “You… Oh, man. The door closes, bones snap, and flesh pops as the massive stone crushes the troll.”

Me: “I pick up the crystal.”

Game Master: “The door opens, blood and viscera dripping…”

Me: “I put the crystal back.”

Game Master: “The door closes.”

Me: “I pick the crystal up.”

Game Master: “The door opens.”

Me: “I put the crystal back.”

Game Master: “The door closes.”

Me: “I pick the crystal up.”

Game Master: “The door opens.”

Me: “I put the crystal back.”

Game Master: “IT’S DEAD!”

Me: “Just checking!”

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(I am in year-eleven chemistry class. I am one of those people who is capable of retaining interesting — but completely useless — information. We are looking over a series of revision questions for the exam. The teacher has continually stressed that unless the question specifically tells us what a certain compound is and we haven’t learnt it in class, then we don’t need that information in order to answer the question, as the question will provide the info we need. One student who is notorious for not paying attention raises his hand.)

Student: “Mr. [Teacher], we haven’t learned what EDTA is.”

(The teacher looks like he is going to spontaneously combust out of annoyance. He asks the class at large:)

Teacher: “Who here can tell [Student] what EDTA is?!”

Me: “Ethylenediaminetetraacetic acid.”

(The entire class and the teacher fall silent, staring at me. Eventually, the teacher manages to find his tongue.)

Teacher: “Well… [My Name] is correct, but you don’t need to know that… [My Name], how do you know that?”

Me: “It was on an episode of Torchwood.”