Need To Turn It On? Copy That!

, , , | Working | March 21, 2018

(I work as a receptionist in a small company. Since the office space here is pretty small, the firms share some of the office equipment, including a copy machine that’s located right next to where I’m sitting. Each firm has their own code they need to input before they can start copying. It’s morning and I’m working away on my computer when I hear someone walking up to the copy machine. I ignore them, but then they start grunting aggressively, so I turn around and recognise one of the secretaries.)

Me: “What’s wrong?”

Secretary: “This machine isn’t working. The numbers aren’t showing up on the screen.”

Me: “Is it on? You’re the first to use it today.”

(She sheepishly looks at the side of the machine, face-palms, and presses the “ON” button. I turn back to my own work, but she speaks up again.)

Secretary: “It’s still not working. It shows dashes instead of numbers, and when I press the ‘start’ button, nothing happens.”

(I get up to look at the machine myself and immediately see what’s going on.)

Me: “You just forgot to use your code first.”

(Since I know all of the codes for work-related reasons, I quickly insert her firm’s.)

Me: “Here. Now you can use it.”

Secretary: “Oh, the numbers are back!”

(She then proceeds to put in the code I just inserted, and I barely manage to stop her from pressing “start.”)

Me: “Whoa, wait! I already unlocked it. You just nearly made over 700 copies.”

(She literally jumps back from the machine, then she hides her face in her hands, groaning.)

Secretary: “I shouldn’t have skipped my morning coffee.”

(We eventually managed to get the copies she needed. And after she got a late cup of coffee, her work quality increased drastically.)

Someone Has To Be The Responsible Party

, , , | Right | December 31, 2017

(This happens on New Year’s Eve. We open the club about ten minutes after the fireworks and soon a girl approaches me.)

Customer: “Why are you working today?”

Me: “Because you want to party?”

(She looked really confused as to how this made any sense but left soon, leaving my coworkers and me confused as to why else we would be working.)

Robowolf: Let’s Make It Happen

, , , , | Related | November 13, 2017

(I’m watching a werewolf movie on TV. My father walks in just as the werewolf walks, fully transformed, onto the screen.)

Father: *excitedly* “Hey! It’s RoboCop!”

Me: “Um, isn’t it a bit too furry for that?”

Father: “No one said RoboCop can’t be furry.”

Unfiltered Story #99550

| Unfiltered | November 11, 2017

Backstory: my dog really doesn’t like one of my aunts. The rest of us theorise that it’s because she keeps calling the dog, a french bulldog, ugly. Said aunt lives in the same town as me.

This incident happens in winter. It’s been snowing quite heavily recently and while the streets have been plowed, the snowbanks left behind are as high as the fences. I’m walking my dog when she suddenly runs up the snowbank next to my aunt’s fence. I panic at first that she might try to jump into the yard, but she stops when she gets to the top. Then she turns around and defecates over the fence. And then calmly climbs back down and continues her walk as if nothing happened.

I guess the moral of the story is that frenchies are cute and they won’t let you say otherwise.

Smoking Out The Pranksters

, , , , | Learning | October 26, 2017

(My school has recently installed a proper fire alarm system, and naturally, the pranksters love to set it off. It is quite insane; we have alarms every day, sometimes even several times a day. After a while, we get used to it. This particular day is like any other. We are sitting in the class when the alarm starts blaring. No one even blinks; the teacher just raises her voice to be heard over the noise.)

Teacher: *after a few minutes* “This is taking oddly long this time. [Student], go see what’s going on.”

(The student leaves the classroom, but returns very quickly.)

Student: “The hallway is full of smoke! I think this is a real alarm!”

(Luckily, it turned out to have been just one trash can that someone had thrown a cigarette butt into, which was swiftly dealt with by the janitors. However, we weren’t the only class to have had a non-reaction to the alarm; some didn’t even learn about the smoke until later in the day. It was a chilling realisation that had there been an actual fire, everyone in the building could’ve easily died because we didn’t associate the alarms with danger anymore. The prank alarms stopped abruptly after that day.)

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