Robowolf: Let’s Make It Happen

, , , , | Related | November 13, 2017

(I’m watching a werewolf movie on TV. My father walks in just as the werewolf walks, fully transformed, onto the screen.)

Father: *excitedly* “Hey! It’s RoboCop!”

Me: “Um, isn’t it a bit too furry for that?”

Father: “No one said RoboCop can’t be furry.”

Unfiltered Story #99550

| Unfiltered | November 11, 2017

Backstory: my dog really doesn’t like one of my aunts. The rest of us theorise that it’s because she keeps calling the dog, a french bulldog, ugly. Said aunt lives in the same town as me.

This incident happens in winter. It’s been snowing quite heavily recently and while the streets have been plowed, the snowbanks left behind are as high as the fences. I’m walking my dog when she suddenly runs up the snowbank next to my aunt’s fence. I panic at first that she might try to jump into the yard, but she stops when she gets to the top. Then she turns around and defecates over the fence. And then calmly climbs back down and continues her walk as if nothing happened.

I guess the moral of the story is that frenchies are cute and they won’t let you say otherwise.

Smoking Out The Pranksters

, , , , | Learning | October 26, 2017

(My school has recently installed a proper fire alarm system, and naturally, the pranksters love to set it off. It is quite insane; we have alarms every day, sometimes even several times a day. After a while, we get used to it. This particular day is like any other. We are sitting in the class when the alarm starts blaring. No one even blinks; the teacher just raises her voice to be heard over the noise.)

Teacher: *after a few minutes* “This is taking oddly long this time. [Student], go see what’s going on.”

(The student leaves the classroom, but returns very quickly.)

Student: “The hallway is full of smoke! I think this is a real alarm!”

(Luckily, it turned out to have been just one trash can that someone had thrown a cigarette butt into, which was swiftly dealt with by the janitors. However, we weren’t the only class to have had a non-reaction to the alarm; some didn’t even learn about the smoke until later in the day. It was a chilling realisation that had there been an actual fire, everyone in the building could’ve easily died because we didn’t associate the alarms with danger anymore. The prank alarms stopped abruptly after that day.)

Measuring The Time

, , , , | Right | October 9, 2017

(I usually work in the factory, but on this day I am replacing our sales person who is sick, when a customer comes in.)

Customer: “I need someone to come to my house and take the measures for the windows I want to order, but they can only come after four in the evening because I am at work until then.”

(I set it all up and tell her our technician will call her and come by next day after four. The next day, the lady returns.)

Customer: “What kind of a business is this?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “You said someone would come to my house and take the measurements. Why hasn’t anyone come?”

Me: “Didn’t you say that we can’t reach you before four o’clock?”

Customer: “So?”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s half past two.”

Customer: “Well, I got off early.”

Queen Liver-beth

, , , | Related | September 23, 2017

(This entire conversation, except for one word, takes place in Estonian. My father’s English isn’t very good, but he does know a lot of words.)

Father: “What was the name of the new British prince again?”

Me: “George.”

Father: “Jaws? That’s an odd name for a kid. Wait, is the entire British royalty named after body parts?”

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