(I am putting out the most beautiful, bright yellow, spotless bananas I have ever seen. A man in his thirties approaches:)

Customer: “Do you have any greener bananas?”

Me: “Greener?”

Customer: “Well, yes. These bananas are too ripe. I like them greener so I can buy them a few days in advance.”

Me: “Sorry, no. I have put out everything we have in stock. Maybe we’ll get some greener ones tomorrow.”

Customer: *almost cutting me off* “WELL, TELL THE PERSON ORDERING TO GET SOME GREENER BANANAS! EVERYWHERE I GO, THEY HAVE GREENER BANANAS, BUT NOT YOU!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but there’s really nothing I can do. I put out the merchandise sent; we can only specify the quantities.”

Customer: “THEN I’LL TALK TO THE OWNER OF THIS STORE CHAIN!”

Me: “You go do that.”

Customer: “I WILL!” *walks off angrily*

(I was jokingly mocked about too ripe bananas for the better half of two weeks by coworkers. It has been one of the weirdest complaints to be filed against our store.)

Related:
Banana-Drama, Part 9
Banana-Drama, Part 8
Banana-Drama, Part 7

(I work in a photo lab at a photo store. A woman comes up to me and asks me for a USB cord for her laptop. As I’m busy at the moment and there is a free — female — coworker, I ask the customer to turn to her.)

Customer: *looks at me with big eyes and gasps* “How does she know? She’s a woman!”

Me: *calmly* “So am I!”

(She looked at me for a moment and left quickly.)

It was almost at the end of our shift when the dispatcher called out information that a driver had fuelled up his car at a petrol station, left the fuel nozzle on the ground — a clear indicator of a fuel thief — and driven off without paying.

Usually, fuel thieves use stolen license plates that frequently don’t even match the make of the car. Nevertheless, I ran the license plate. Surprisingly, everything matched. Even the registered owner’s address was nearby.

I told my partner the address, and although we both agreed that nobody would be stupid enough to go to their registered address after stealing in broad daylight, we still gave it a shot. When we were almost there, we saw the same car stopping in front of the house, with the owner in the driver’s seat. When he saw our police car, his eyes went wide and he froze. I could see that he honestly assumed that his plan of filling up and going home without an issue would be perfect.

We arrested him for theft, and he also had to pay for the fuel.

(We let customers use hand scanners for their shopping. You just grab a hand scanner at the entrance, scan the barcodes while you are shopping, and at the checkout you just have to swipe a store card and pay your bill. To prevent theft, the system randomly assigns some customers to the purchase check, where the store employee will scan ten random items in the basket. If something goes wrong, they have to scan all your items. This has happened to me twice.)

Check-Out Machine: “Purchase check; please wait until an employee comes over.”

(The employee starts scanning items, and the very first thing — a grocery bag — does not scan. I know it’s a problem with their scanner, because this has happened before.)

Employee: “Please come over.”

Me: *grins and goes over to the till with my 100+ items* “I hope you realise I did not come here to steal grocery bags?”

Employee: “Yeah, I know, but the system is set up that way.”

Me: “It’s not a problem; it’s just funny.”

Employee: “Everything checks out. Thank you and goodbye.”

Me: “Have a nice day.”

(The store gives a small candy bar to everyone who has to go through the purchase check. And it’s still lot faster than waiting in line for a human cashier.)

(I work at a hostel reception. We have two main sites for bookings: a main site, where bookings go through automatically, which we use for check-ins, and a secondary site, from which we have to manually enter the bookings to the main site. A lady checks into a mixed dormitory, then returns and starts yelling.)

Lady: “I have booked a bed in a female dorm, and you have put me in a mixed dorm.”

Me: “One moment, please; let me check.”

(I check and see that she has used our main site for bookings, and therefore booked the mixed dorm and not the female one. As I try to explain that to her, she cuts me off.)

Lady: “As an American, I am a customer, and I don’t care what you have to say. I will leave the worst review ever.”

Me: *trying not to laugh* “As you wish! But as I tried to explain before, we have not modified your booking, and you got the confirmation by email stating that it is, indeed, mixed dorm.”

Lady: *yelling* “I don’t care what you say! Do you understand that I will leave the worst review?”

Me: *calm* “Yes. If you want, I can give you a refund, and you can look for something else; however, it is Friday night, and pretty much everything nearby is fully booked. So, do you want the refund?”

Lady: “Well, I have to sleep somewhere!”

(Later, when I told my manager that story, he said I could have just kicked her out without a refund. My manager is awesome!)