Queen Liver-beth

, , , | Related | September 23, 2017

(This entire conversation, except for one word, takes place in Estonian. My father’s English isn’t very good, but he does know a lot of words.)

Father: “What was the name of the new British prince again?”

Me: “George.”

Father: “Jaws? That’s an odd name for a kid. Wait, is the entire British royalty named after body parts?”


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You’re Barking Mad

, , , | Friendly | August 29, 2017

(I’m hanging out at the park with my friends, when a man walks his dog past us.)

Friend #1: *shrieking at the top of her lungs* “DOG!”

(This causes everyone, including the dog, to jump.)

Friend #2: *after a beat* “What the h*** was that?”

Friend #1: *suddenly in tears* “You don’t understand; it’s so adorable!”

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Kids’ Movies Cost An Arm And A Leg

, , , , | Right | August 13, 2010

(A mother and her young daughter approach the counter. She puts down ‘Princess Mononoke’ and begins to get out her card.)

Me: “I’d just like to point out while this is an excellent movie, it’s probably something you’d be uncomfortable with your daughter watching.”

Customer: “Why? It’s just a princess cartoon!”

Me: “It’s actually quite violent; it deals with a lot of complex subjects, and has scenes with realistic sword fights. There are several dismemberments in the first few minutes. But I can recommend several other movies by the same animation studio that both of you could enjoy.”

Customer: *slightly taken aback* “Um, yes, that sounds like a good idea. I wouldn’t want her to be scared.”

Customer’s daughter: *to me* “What’s a dismem-peppermint?”

Customer: “Don’t answer that!”


This story is part of our “Bad Parents & R-Rated Movies” roundup!

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One Last Parting Shot, Part 3

, , , , | Right | September 2, 2008

(An couple of US tourists come into our library and use the public computers for the Internet. When they start leaving, they come to me again and give me 2 Estonian Crowns.)

Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t take this.”

Customer: “What do you mean you can’t take this?! I got it from the bank just down the street. I know it’s not fake. And it says in the rules that it costs 2.”

Me: “No, I mean–”

(He cuts me off and starts ranting on how he never wanted to come to Europe anyway and how everything is better in the States. His wife and I manage to calm him down after a few minutes of loud ranting.)

Me: “Sir, I can’t take your money because just using the computer is free. Only printing costs 2 Crowns.”

Customer: “Oh. I thought… I mean, I always have to pay in… well… America is still better than Europe!” *hurries out with his wife*

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