I’m sitting on the floor in the back room sorting stock while listening to a coworker serving a customer.

Customer: “I want two cups of black coffee and one with milk.”

Coworker: “So, a cup of black coffee and a black coffee with milk?”

Customer: “No. I want two cups of black coffee, and one with milk.”

Coworker: “Yes? A black coffee without anything and a black coffee with milk.”

Customer: “I… No. Two cups of black coffee and one with milk.”

I can’t take it anymore, so I stick my head out of the door.

Me: “[Coworker], he wants three cups of coffee in total.”

Customer: “Thank you!”

I work for an online shopping company. If there is something wrong with a delivery or return, we often send a legal statement out that will usually help with getting a refund pulled through faster while an investigation is made.

Most customers are okay with filling it out and sending it back as a picture or scan, while others need help. Some have — for a lack of better words — funny ways to fill out the document.

Some have used MS Paint with crayon-lookalike writing or used all the different colours, fonts, and other decorations available in MS Word.

My coworker, however, got a slightly bigger surprise than most, when this customer’s picture of the document had a very good view of their… private area.

At least they were wearing underwear?

Back in 2005, I was doing customer service for an online payment service. One day, I got a call from an irate gentleman who wished to report fraudulent transactions on a debit card. Uh-oh.

I’d learned by now that, rather than going through the “Do you have an account with us? Does anybody else in your household?” motions, it was heaps easier to just ask for the full card number and run a search across all accounts. If the card has already been compromised, what damage can it do at this point to tell me the full card number, right?

An account indeed popped up on which the card had been used. However, the name on the account didn’t match that of the caller, so I did some more probing and sniffing, all within rules and regulations. 

Long story short, it was Junior who had gone on a shopping spree. Apparently, for his fifteenth birthday, his parents had given him a Visa debit/credit card with no spending limit. And our service required that all customers be at least eighteen years of age when opening accounts.

Customer: “Well, how do we get his money back?!” 

Me: “Um… we rather… don’t, sir. There’s been no fraud committed because, well, the card owner spent his own money, which was well within his right.”

Christ on a bike, how Daddy Dearest blew a fuse!

Customer: “But that can’t be, because that was money for Junior’s birthday! Why didn’t you stop the transactions, then?!”

Yup. Daddy actually blamed us for not verifying Junior’s age prior to letting him open an account with us and go to town with his card.

It took all of my composure not to burst out laughing. Instead, I diplomatically replied:

Me: “Sir, it’s clearly written in our terms and conditions that account holders must be at least eighteen years of age when signing up for our services. That alone frees us from any responsibility — not that we had any in the first place. Secondly, it was not our company that decided it might be a good idea to give a fifteen-year-old his own debit card with no spending limit. You’re quite welcome to dispute the charges with the card issuer and see if they’re willing to reverse the charges, but, quite frankly, I doubt it, seeing as the card was always in the cardholder’s possession and all charges were made knowingly by said holder. As such, no fraud has occurred, and we are unable to assist you further. Thank you, and goodbye.”

And the amount squandered? Roughly DKK 4,200. Adjusted for inflation and the exchange rate, we’re looking at US$600 or €590 in 2022 money.

Happy birthday, kiddo! I hope you at least got to keep your stuff, whatever you bought.

In my early twenties, I was doing technical support for a phone, Internet, and TV service provider. This was in an age long gone, before we had phones with Internet and such.

I get a caller who has lost both TV and Internet. While troubleshooting, we chat about random things, and during the conversation, she casually mentions that she and her husband are in their forties.

Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t fix the issue from here. I’ll need to dispatch a technician to troubleshoot on site.”

Caller: “How soon can he be here?”

Me: “He won’t be able to get there until Thursday next week.”

Caller: “Young man, if you don’t get him out here sooner, I’ll end up pregnant again!”

As a graphic designer, I created an online catalogue for a client who wanted to give their retailers the opportunity to post it on their own web pages, including the respective retailers’ own logos, addresses, etc.

The retailers who were interested in this setup were told to send their logos and information to me, and I would fit it into the catalogue.

This was going perfectly fine until I got a call from one of the retailers.

Retailer: “We need your address so we can send you our logo.”

Me: *Kindly* “Actually, the fastest way to get your logo through is by sending it via email. You can send it to [email address].”

They insist on sending it by mail.

After a little back and forth, I give up and give them the mailing address. A week later, I get an envelope. I’m expecting a USB drive, but instead, there’s just a piece of the retailer’s stationery, which has their logo on it. I call them.

Me: “I’m sorry, but I need a digital copy of the logo that’s on your stationery.”

They seem to understand what I’m asking for.

Retailer: “Okay, I’ll send it to your email shortly.”

Five minutes later, I got an email with an attached photo of the stationery.