Cancer Can Spread In Different Ways

, , , | Right | March 12, 2018

(I used to work in the same store as my mom. It was a small, local store where I usually worked at the checkout. Behind me was a wall of cigarettes which people could buy. Note: My mom was a smoker for most of her life and died of lung cancer. At the time this story takes place, she is still alive but heavily affected by the cigarettes, as am I. I’ve always hated all types of smoking and see no evil in telling people that it is a horrible thing to do. However, as I am working, I have to put on a professional face, which I really try to maintain during this exchange.)

Me: “Hello.”

Customer: “Hi.”

Me: “Will that be all?”

Customer: “I want a pack of cigarettes, as well.”

Me: “Of course. What brand?”

Customer: “I don’t know. Whatever you like.”

Me: “Sorry, sir, but I don’t smoke.”

Customer: “I don’t believe that. Everyone smokes at some point in their lives.”

Me: “Only second-hand smoking, I’m afraid. And I can’t say that I liked it. Now, what brand do you prefer?”

Customer: “You should try a real cig, then. I promise you’ll like it.”

Me: “I doubt that, sir. If you’re looking for the cheapest cigarettes, we have [Cheap Brand], but I sell many of [More Expensive Brand].”

Customer: *completely ignoring me* “I still think you should try a smoke.”

Me: “I’d really rather not. Now, what do you usually smoke, sir?”

Customer: “Oh, well, all types of cigs, of course. I ain’t got no type!”

Me: “In that case, would you like [Cheap Brand]?”

Customer: “Well, I don’t know, do I?”

(I have a long line of customers waiting. I get a bit desperate to get him away, so I say this:)

Me: “Well, my mom smokes [Expensive Brand], so I suppose I can recommend this one?”

Customer: “What does it taste like?”

Me: “Uh, I don’t know, really. But she seems to like it, so…”

Customer: “I’ll take one of those, then.”

Me: “Of course, sir. That’ll be [price].”

Customer: “Nah, those are too expensive. Can you cancel the cigs?”

Me: “Since I’ve already set the payment in motion, I can’t really cancel that particular item unless I cancel the entire thing.”

(I look at his other items, which are numerous. My coworker opens up another till and the rest of the customers rush to it, talking about how slow I was.)

Customer: “Hmm… I don’t know. Maybe you should just cancel it all, then.”

Me: “I can do that for you, if you think that’ll be best.”

Customer: “Nah, I’ll take it, anyway.”

(When he finally completes the payment, he opens the cigarettes and leaves one on my till.)

Customer: “That’s your tip!”

The Terrible-Twos And The Terrible Parents

, , , , , | Right | March 9, 2018

(I work at the self-service checkout. A mother and her young son, probably around two years old, come and start scanning their items. The son is very energetic and he starts to climb up on the part of the machine that weighs the items. A messages pops up on the screen saying that there’s an unknown item in the bagging area.)

Me: “I’m so sorry, but this part of the machine is actually a scale, so when your son is climbing around on it, it gets all confused. You won’t be able to continue to scan until he’s down from there.”

(The mom doesn’t speak very good Danish and is obviously a little confused, but she grabs her son and puts him on the floor. He immediately runs out of the self-service area and stands at the front end of the store. The mother looks after him, but then continues her scanning, so I follow the boy to keep an eye on him. Usually, kids will run over to the bakery department to look at cakes, but not this boy. When he sees I’m following him, he starts to run, laughing, towards the store exit. Even though I’m not supposed to leave the self-service area, I decide to follow him, to see if he is actually going to leave the store. I doubt that he will, but our store is placed on a very busy street that has a lot of both bikes and cars. The boy runs out of the store, and I start running after him. I almost lose him out on the sidewalk, because there are people everywhere, but I manage to grab him right before he enters the busy bike lane. I pick him up, and he grins at me. I carry him back into the store and give him to his mother.)

Me: “You better hold on to him. I just got to him before he ran out onto the road.”

Mother: “Oh, okay.”

(She picked him up and held him for the rest of the transaction. I didn’t get a thank-you.)

Has No Beef With This Sith

, , , | Related | February 8, 2018

(My mum and I have just seen the new Star Wars and are walking home, discussing the movie.)

Mum: “I really liked Kylo Ren; he was very well played. And, you know, the actor is a beefcake.”

Me: *bursts out laughing* “I knew you would say that! I kept glancing at you during his shirtless scene, just waiting for you to lean over and whisper, ‘Beefcake…’”

A Fee-ble Excuse

, , , , | Right | February 7, 2018

(I work in the support department of a webhotel provider, answering the phones. I take a call from a customer who is calling in because his website has been suspended due to lack of payment.)

Me: “You have reached [Provider], [My Name] speaking.”

Customer: “Yes, hello. My site has been suspended, and I need to get it re-opened.”

Me: “Certainly, sir. What is the name of your site?”

Customer: “It’s [domain].”

(I look up the customer’s account in our system.)

Me: “Ah, yes. I can see that you have missed paying for the renewal of your webhotel.”

Customer: “I know; that’s what it says when I load my site. Can you please send me the invoice, so I can pay it?”

Me: “We have already sent it to you. I can see in our records that we have sent several reminders to you by email over the last few months before suspending your site.”

Customer: “Oh, yes. I saw those, but I thought they were scam emails, so I didn’t read them.”

(The customer opens his email and I direct him to click the invoice link.)

Customer: “Wait. There’s a late fee on here. I’m not paying that. You didn’t send me my invoice on time. You usually send it as a regular letter.”

Me: “We used to send a letter alongside the emails before, yes, but we have gotten a new system since then, so we are no longer able to do that. Still, we have sent the invoice to you several times via email. You have no excuse not to have seen it.”

Customer: “I work in security, so I know people can send fake emails. That’s why I always assume the emails I receive from you are scam mails, just using your logo. I work with physical security, so I don’t know any of that online stuff.”

(At this point, I give the customer a detailed explanation of how he can tell a potential scam email apart from the official emails we send, by checking that the invoice link points to our domain. He is still insistent that it is our fault he didn’t pay on time because we didn’t send him a letter, even though he totally ignores the emails we send him without even opening them.)

Customer: “Fine, I’ll pay the late fee, since it’s apparently so important to you, but I’m not happy with your level of customer service.”

(Apparently it is unreasonable for a webhotel provider to communicate purely via email.)

Unfiltered Story #104540

, , | Unfiltered | January 29, 2018

(I work as tech support at a web-hosting company. Some times we have customers turning up on our chat-support, who seem like they’ve never used a chat before, or aren’t aware they’re writing with a real person.)

(The customer clicks the chat button.)

Me: “Welcome to [company name] support; how may I help you?”

Customer: “I have an email address.”

(I pause, while I wait for the customer to elaborate.)

Me: “Yes? Can I help you with something?”

(There is a long pause, and then the customer disconnects.)

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