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Don’t Bring Me Into Your Daddy Issues!

, , , , | Right | March 19, 2022

I’m finishing up drinks and calling them out to customers.

Me: *Reading the name written on the cup* “I’m… I’m not reading that, I—” *huge sigh*

I slam the drink down with the most disappointed voice I can muster.

Me: “Daddy. I have a drink here for Daddy.”

Plus-Sized Bad Attitude

, , , , | Right | CREDIT: Blueartbird | March 15, 2022

I work at a Danish plus-size clothing store with “XL” in the name. As the name proclaims, this store is only for XL people — sizes XL to 5XL). I am a 2XL, so I consider myself fat.

This thin old lady comes in and complains that she can’t fit in the clothes, and I explain the brand.

Me: “I’m sorry, but you’ll have to look somewhere else. Have a nice day.”

She goes away for a minute and then comes back.

Lady: “You are probably going to be mad when I say this…”

I think, “Then don’t say it.”

Lady: “…but I don’t understand how people can let themselves get so big.”

Me: “Well, there are many reasons why someone may be fat, and most people hate it. It’s often because of mental health, because of money issues, or because they sit down too much at their job.”

Lady: “I have always been small, and even when I was a child, people always commented on how small I was. And I’m very vain, so I like to take care of my look. Don’t you want to do that?”

Did she just call me ugly and brag at the same time?

Me: “Fat people can be beautiful, too.”

Lady: “In the war, there were no fat people. We didn’t need plus-size stores back then. But in Germany, fat people cost society so much today!”

I internally facepalm.

Me: “Is there anything I can help you with?”

Lady: “No, no. Thank you. I just wanted to talk.”

She walked away, oblivious to my anger.

You can have your own opinion, but don’t come into a clothing store that specializes in making large women look beautiful and feel confident to fat-shame the employee.

She Probably Thinks A Meal Still Costs A Buck Fifty

, , , | Right | March 10, 2022

I’m a taxi driver. In the autumn of 2020, I picked up an elderly lady. When we got to her destination, the meter read 90 DKK (Danish Kroner) — roughly 15 US dollars at that time. She handed me a 100 DKK note.

Customer: “You also deserve a tip.”

Rather than the Danish word for “tip,” she used a term for a coin (skilling) that went out of circulation on January 1st, 1875. For some time after that, the term was used to designate a small but unspecified amount of money. My grandparents who were both born before 1920 used it occasionally, but I had never heard anyone younger than that use the term.

The lady then held out her hand indicating that she expected the 10 DKK back. She put the 10 DKK coin in her small clutch wallet and then rummaged around a bit and came up with a 2 DKK coin (roughly 33 cents USD). She gave me the 2-DKK coin and looked rather pleased with herself. As I always do when I get a tip, I said:

Me: “Thank you very much.”

And, of course, I gave her a hand getting out of my taxi.

I couldn’t help thinking that she lived very much in the past.

This Camp Is Bananas!

, , , , , , , | Learning | February 20, 2022

This happened some years ago. I was one of the leaders at a scout camp for around twenty scouts, age ten to fourteen or so. One of the activities that we always have on any scout camps is a “night run”. This means we let the scouts go to sleep for an hour or two, and then after midnight, we wake them up with some kind of noise, ask them to hurry out, and then give them a task to do in the dark.

This camp was during the wintertime. Anyone unfamiliar with the weather on the Faroe Islands should just know that you do not want to sleep in a tent during this time of the year unless you are absolutely sure you want to catch a nasty flu. It’s just wet and miserable. All the scouts were sleeping in a long low-rise building with loads of rooms on either side of a long hallway.

This year, we wanted to make the night run about a murder mystery. The leaders responsible for waking up the scouts had borrowed a smoke machine because they wanted to fill up the hall with smoke. After it was full enough, they would make a huge amount of noise as if there was a fire and then chase all the half-awake scouts up.

The next part I was told afterward since my task was further away from this building.

The leaders had started to fill up the hallway with smoke, which turned out to smell like bananas. After just a tiny amount of smoke had come into the hall, the real fire alarm went off! The leaders got very surprised since they either had forgotten these alarms or they for some reason didn’t think this smoke would set it off.

But even more surprised were they when non of the scouts came running out. Not one! After opening some doors, they found out, that all of the scouts were still sound asleep, while the alarm was blaring away in the hallway.

The leaders had to personally bang on each and every door to wake up the scouts, who came out in a daze and acted like there wasn’t a fire alarm going. Even after they got out, the leaders found out that three or four scouts had just gone back to sleep! The leaders weren’t too happy about that.

Now, as I said, this happened some years ago, and the building was already at that point a bit old and needed an update. This update has since come for the whole campsite, and the fire alarm has also been changed for a better one. But I am very, very glad that this was discovered during a night run and not during an actual fire!

Cancel The Fare And He Might Be A Big Baby About It

, , , , , , | Right | February 10, 2022

One evening, a fare came up on the screen in my taxi. I could see that I was supposed to do some shopping, but that I had to go to the customer’s address first to get the specifics.

When I arrived, I started the meter, went to the door, and rang the doorbell. The door was opened by a man wearing nothing but an adult diaper. He spent the entire thirty seconds I was there with one hand roaming around inside the front of that diaper.

The man told me that he needed a bottle of vodka and a bottle of cola. Somewhat grossed out, I just turned around and went back to my taxi. Then, I called my taxi company and explained why I was unable to complete the fare I had been given and suggested that none of my colleagues would be interested in that particular one, either.