A Buildup Of Spice

, , , , , | Working | April 17, 2019

(I’m on a bus tour of Eastern Canada, and so far I’ve had no reason to complain about the tour or the guide. One evening, our guide takes our party to the revolving restaurant in the CN Tower for dinner and eats with us. Note that I have Asperger’s, which means that repeated small stresses accumulate into really big ones.)

Me: *between mouthfuls* “Hmm. It’s very spicy.”

(I’m just making a comment here. I’m enjoying the spicy food, as well as the view. However, the guide seems to take this as a complaint for some reason.)

Guide: “Oh, it’s all right. I can get you something else—“

Me: “No, that’s all right. I just—“

Guide: “No, really, let me—“

(I’m starting to get really annoyed at this point, since all I want to do is eat the rest of my meal and I don’t need her constant interruptions.)

Me: “I’m not complaining!”

Guide: “No, seriously, it won’t take me a moment to—“

(By now I’ve really had enough.)

Me: “WILL YOU LEAVE ME ALONE? I AM NOT COMPLAINING ABOUT THE FOOD! I LIKE THE FOOD! I’M STILL EATING IT, SEE? JUST LEAVE ME ALONE AND LET ME FINISH MY MEAL IN PEACE!”

(I felt guilty about yelling, especially in front of the others, but at least it shut her up and I was allowed to finish eating. I have resolved never to comment on my food in public again in case somebody takes it the wrong way.)

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Bridging The Facts

, , , , , | Learning | December 6, 2018

(Our school is taking a trip to New York City, and the teacher in charge has hired a local tour guide to come onto our bus to tell some facts about landmarks. While talking about the Brooklyn Bridge, the guide brings up the architect, John Roebling.)

Guide: “Now, does anyone by chance happen to know where John Roebling is from?”

Literally Everyone On The Bus: “Saxonburg, Pennsylvania!”

Guide: “No, that’s not right. Hmm… I can’t remember, either. Oh, well. Moving on.”

Teacher: “No, they are right and you are wrong. He is from Saxonburg, and that is a fact. Our school is in Saxonburg; our park is named ‘Roebling Park’ after him, and they even have a model of the Brooklyn Bridge in it. If there is one thing we know, it’s where he’s from.”

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No One Insults Quite Like The French, Part 2

, , , , , | Friendly | March 17, 2018

(I am a Canadian on a tour of a plantation house in Louisiana. There is a man on the tour who keeps interrupting the guide with questions that are actually designed to show off his knowledge. The guide just gets a rousing story going and the man cuts him off, ruining the pace and throwing off the guide. Four rooms in, and this interrupter will not stop. Even his wife is uncomfortable with his actions.)

Guide: *low, under his breath, in French* “Oh, my God. Shut up.”

(I gasp, and he looks at me with an expression that says he’s even more shocked than I am.)

Guide: “Oh. Oh! You’re Canadian!’

(He knows this because he asked where everyone was from at the beginning of the tour.)

Me: *in French* “Don’t worry. It’s fine.”

(No one else knew what was going on for this tiny exchange, so we continued — the interrupter still showing off as best he could — but there was some French thrown in for me after some of the halting stories were done.)

Related:
No One Insults Quite Like The French

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One Is Not Impressed

, | Friendly | September 4, 2015

(On a tour bus going north from Cairns, I sit near the driver who has a hands free microphone on to talk to passengers and gives information about the places we are passing. I am Irish and most passengers are British/Japanese.)

Driver: “Can anyone tell me what animal is featured on Australian currency?”

Me: *quietly to my Friend* “The Queen?”

Driver: *through the microphone* “No, [My Name], the Queen is not an animal!”

(The British passengers were not impressed with me!)

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Needlessly Lost In Translation

, | Friendly | July 7, 2015

(My friend and I are from Singapore on a holiday in UK. We are on a tour bus and the tour leader is getting everyone to introduce themselves. Note: We speak English as our first language, and Mandarin as our second. We have never learnt Malay and do not speak it.)

Tour Leader: “So, where are you from?”

Friend & Me: “Singapore.”

Tour Leader: “So, what language do you speak?”

Friend & Me: “English.”

Tour Leader: “I mean, what language do you speak there?”

Me: “English? Like the language I’m speaking now?”

Tour Leader: “No, no, what language do you speak there?”

Friend: “Well, we have four official languages. English, Malay—”

Tour Leader: “Yes! It’s not English! You speak Malay!”

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