(I am talking with a coworker about classic cars whilst working the coffee machine. A customer has just come in, so I serve while he finishes off the last few orders. When you face the coffee machine, you have your back to the till.)
Me: “Hi. What can I get you?”
Customer: “Just a latte, please.”
Coworker: “I tell you what I do like: midgets.”
Me: “Umm, [Coworker]?”
Coworker: “Sure, you have to smack them when they stop working, but they are sexy little things.”
Me: “[COWORKER]!”
Coworker: “WHAT?!”
Customer: “Hello!”
(My coworker peers over the counter to see a dwarf man standing there.)
Coworker: “I’m so sorry! We were talking about classic cars, not people with your… um… condition?”
Customer: “It’s okay.” *laughs* “First time I’ve ever had another man call me sexy.”
(The customer took his drink and we laughed about it for the rest of the day.)
(I have just sneezed four times in a row.)
Coworker: “Bless you. Are you okay?”
Me: *trying to be funny* “Yeah, I’m just allergic to Wednesdays.”
Coworker: “Then, you’ve got a real problem, because today is Thursday.”
(We are invited to a family party by my in-laws. As usual, they only remember to call on the day of the party. I work most weekend nights and am not able to attend as I have to give more than two weeks notice. I mention to a coworker that I am missing out on a party and that I wish it could have been held the next weekend when I have the Saturday night off.)
Coworker #1: “You should do what I do; you should have just called in sick and gone to the party.”
(I go to work the following Sunday. I notice that I am working with a different staff member.)
Me: “Oh, is [Coworker] sick?”
Coworker #2: “You didn’t hear what happened?”
Me: “No, is she all right?”
Coworker #2: “She got fired last night. The idiot called in sick so she could attend her boyfriend’s staff Christmas party.”
Me: “Um… Doesn’t her boyfriend work here as security?”
Coworker #2: *nods yes* “And the party was held here, and our management was invited, too.”
(I’m working for a privately-owned restaurant. My manager has developed a bad habit of forgetting to bring in my paychecks. It has even resulted in me being late on rent on multiple occasions, because I couldn’t get the money in time. My morale has dropped considerably to the point where my coworkers have noticed. I have been trying to find another job, but I’ve had no such luck.)
Coworker: *as I’m clocking in* “I had a talk with [Manager] earlier today.”
Me: “Huh? About what?”
Coworker: “I told him that because he’s been late with your checks, you’ve been looking for other jobs.”
Me: “You did what?!“
(While I have been looking for another job, I haven’t told anyone at work about it.)
Coworker: “Yeah, he wants to talk to you.”
Manager: “[My Name], can you come to my office?”
(That was the day I learned that I had job security. My manager was so worried about losing me, I never had a late paycheck again. I eventually had to quit when I moved out of state, but my now-former coworker and I still regularly keep in touch. I even came back up for his wedding.)
(I read a story about Japan on this site and I remember a story a coworker once told me.)
Coworker: “I was in Japan for a business trip and we went to a cafe of some sort. It was quite noisy, and I thought one of the Japanese businessmen asked me what I thought about Japanese cows. I thought it was weird, but since I was just served steak, I just went with it. I told them I thought their cows were nice and firm, having good meat on them. As a response, the businessmen started laughing. It turns out they asked what I thought about Japanese girls.”
