(At our pharmacy we have cashiers who run the till when customers pick up their prescriptions. The cashiers have no pharmacy school education. A woman is picking up an antibiotic for a urinary tract infection.)

Customer: *in a loud voice* “I keep getting these urinary tract infections!”

Cashier: *awkwardly* “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that.”

Customer: *still very loud* “Do you think it’s because I wipe from back to front? They say you shouldn’t but I’ve done it all my life!”

Cashier: *trying very hard to remain professional* “Er… I really couldn’t say.”

(Meanwhile the rest of the staff are trying very hard not to laugh out loud.)

(A couple and their three-year-old son are shopping in my bookstore. We have a back section accessed by three steps, and the little boy has decided to run up and down the stairs a few times. He ends up landing in a heap at the bottom and sits there for a bit, deciding if he’s hurt enough to cry.)

Woman: “Oh, dear, [Son]. Did you get a boo-boo? Do you want me to kiss it better?”

(The little boy nods and his mother kisses his forehead.)

Boy: “But I hurt my butt!”

Woman: “Okay, do the downward dog, and I’ll kiss that, too.”

(It was so hard to keep from laughing.)

(I work as a telephone operator. We have routing and billing issues where if an operator transfers a customer to directory we are unable to bill the call, so when we get a call requesting transfer we will instruct the customer to dial 411. This weakness is quickly discovered by customers, and we get many requests for transfer, which we are to refuse and give dialing instructions, instead.)

Customer: “I want to be transferred to directory.”

Me: “Please hang up and dial 411 for directory assistance.”

Customer: “114?” *obviously engaging in social engineering*

Me: “411, sir.”

Customer: “144?”

Me: “Actually, sir, there is not much point in you calling directory, anyway.”

Customer: “Why do you say that?”

Me: “They will give you a seven-digit number. You seem to be unable to get a three-digit number correct.”

Customer: “F*** you!” *click*

(I’m the stupid worker in this one. I pick up the phone to make a page, but while I’m dialing I realize that the phone isn’t making a dial tone. I keep pressing buttons but don’t hear anything. I turn to my coworker as they walk up to me.)

Me: “The phone’s not working. I can’t hear a dial tone or anything.”

Coworker: “That’s a stapler.”

(I look at the object in my hand and, sure enough, I have grabbed a stapler instead of the actual phone.)

Me: “Look: it’s been a long day.”

Coworker: “Apparently!”

(A customer comes up to my till to buy a John Grisham book.)

Customer: “Oh, these books are so good!”

Me: “That’s great. I hope you enjoy this one.”

Customer: “Didn’t John Grisham publish books under another name?”

Me: “I don’t know. Not that I know of.”

Customer: “Why don’t you know?”

Me: “I just haven’t heard that. Plus, I don’t read John Grisham, so…”

Customer: “What? How can you even work at a bookstore if you don’t read John Grisham?”

Me: “Um, because I read other stuff.”

Customer: “Like what?”

Me: “Like fantasy.”

Customer: “Fan… ta… sy? Fantasy?”