S.H.I.E.L.D. Me From This Stupidity

, , , , , , | Right | February 24, 2012

(A customer walking out of the theater for “Captain America” with her two kids starts talking to me. She’s about 45 years old.)

Customer: “My goodness, the Nazis were awful people!”

Me: “Yeah.”

Customer: “I’m just glad that terrible Red Skull got what was coming to him.”

Me: “Yeah, it was a pretty sweet ending.”

Customer: “It’s funny. I don’t remember learning about him or Captain America in the history books.”

Me: *thinking she’s joking* “Ha ha, yeah. Weird, right?”

Customer’s Son: *to me* “No, dude. She’s not kidding.”

Customer: “Kidding about what?”

(Embarrassed, her two kids try to walk briskly away from her.)

Customer: *chasing after her kids* “Whaaat?! What is it?!”

1 Thumbs
2,574

Who’s Dating Who

, , , , | Right | February 22, 2012

(I work as a server in a popular restaurant. This happens on the toughest day of the restaurant year: Valentine’s Day. A couple in their 20s has just been served their meal.)

Me: “How are you both doing this evening? Can I bring you anything else?”

Customer: “We aren’t doing very well at all! You aren’t doing nearly as much as you can to make my lady feel special!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I was trying to make you both feel special this evening. I thought you might want to be the one to make your lady feel extra special.”

Customer: “It’s not my job to make her feel special. It’s your job!”

Customer’s Date: *looks like she wants to die of embarrassment*

1 Thumbs
1,961

Tis The Season To Be Tired (Of Customers)

, , , , | Right | December 25, 2011

(During the Christmas season, we managers at my store often work 12+ hour days. This day is one of them, and I have been there since 7:30 in the morning; it is now 8 pm. A customer approaches me.)

Customer: “Wow, you sure look tired. When did you start?”

Me: “7:30–”

Customer: “That’s the problem with today’s generation. Can’t work a full day without looking like they are falling asleep!”

Me: “AM, sir.”

Customer: “Oh…” *walks off with a blank stare on his face*

1 Thumbs
2,078

At A Loss

, , | Right | May 31, 2011

(We offer third-party services to obtain home loan modifications.)

Me: “Hello. Please be advised that during the loss mitigation solution, we will be requesting updated financials.”

Client: “Loss… migration solution?”

Me: “No. Loss mitigation solution.”

Client: “Loss m… miti… mitigigration?”

Me: “No, ma’am. Loss mitigation. Spelt m, i, t-”

Client: “Well, whatever it is. Yeah, I’ll get the stuff for you for the migration solution.” *pauses* “Oh, d***! You know, that ‘M’ word.”

1 Thumbs
869

The Deaf-initive Guide To Parenting

, , , , | Right | May 24, 2011

(I work at the disability services office at a major university. We have an open house event.)

Parent: “What sorts of services you offer for students with hearing impairments?”

Me: “Oh, lots. We have real-time captioners–”

Parent: “Oh, like on TV.”

Me: “Yeah, sort of. The captioner attends the class and types the captions in real-time.”

Parent: “Oh, cool. Well, my son’s hearing impairment is pretty mild, so I doubt he’ll need any of that. But I told him it’ll be important to hook up with your office because of extra funding and stuff. These days it’s all about the money, baby.”

Me: “Yeah, it’s true. There’s a certain amount of money available for students with disabilities. It can’t hurt to have him come see us. Feel free to have him email or call, and we’ll set him up with an appointment.”

Parent: “Oh, he won’t be needing that for a while. He’s only five. I’m just trying to get a jump on things.”

1 Thumbs
1,795