Questionable Questions

, , , | Right | November 12, 2010

Customer: “Excuse me, can you tell me what time the mall closes today?”

Me: “Yeah, seven o’clock, so about five minutes ago.”

Customer: “Okay. And do you know about how long it takes for everyone to evacuate the mall?”

Me: “I– What? Why?”

Customer: “Oh, no reason.”

1 Thumbs
2,121

Suffering For Art

, , , , , | Right | November 8, 2010

(There are giant “No Photography” signs posted on all doors and all over the gallery. A gallery patron pulls out her camera and starts photographing artwork.)

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am, but we do not allow photography in the gallery.”

Patron: “Oh, sorry. Why can’t I take pictures?”

Me: “These are copyrighted images and if we let everyone take pictures, they would have no reason to purchase the art.”

(The patron shrugs, pulls out her cell phone, and walks around the gallery. She holds it up in the air while taking pictures of the wall art.)

Me: “Excuse me, but like I said before, we do not allow photography in the gallery.”

Patron: “I wasn’t taking pictures; I was talking on the phone!”

Me: “Ma’am, you were holding it over your head, and you weren’t even talking.”

Patron: “Well, it’s none of your business how I talk on my phone. Besides, I don’t think any of them were in focus.”


This story is part of our “Not Getting Art” Roundup!

Read the next “Not Getting Art” story!

Read the “Not Getting Art” roundup!

1 Thumbs
2,508

A Golden Snitch Short Of A Quidditch Match

, , , , , | Right | November 5, 2010

Me: “How can I help you?”

Caller: “This a bookstore?”

Me: “Yes, this is a bookstore.”

Caller: “Oh. I need the eighth Harry Potter book.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but there are only seven Harry Potter books.”

Caller: “But I need the eighth one.”

Me: “There are only seven books, sir.”

Caller: “Why?”

Me: “Because there are only seven years at Hogwarts.”

Caller: “What does that mean?”

Me: “Sir, have you read the Harry Potter books?”

Caller: “No, my son reads them and he finished the seventh one and asked me to get the eighth one.”

Me: “Sir, if he read the seventh one, he would know that that was the final book in the series.”

Caller: “But he wants to read it. What can I do?”

Me: “Contact the author?”

Caller: “Do you have his number?”

Me: “Do I have J.K. Rowling’s number?”

Caller: “Yes.”

Me: “No. I… uh… don’t happen to have that on me.”

Caller: “Oh. Can you tell my son that there are only seven?”

Me: “No, I’m sure you’re quite capable of doing that all on your own.”

Caller: “He will be very upset!” *hangs up*

1 Thumbs
2,487

Ah Fathers, Part 4

, , , | Right | November 4, 2010

(A customer walks up to the counter in a very aggressive way.)

Customer: “You sold a very violent game to my fourteen-year-old son!”

Me: “I apologize. Which game did we sell him?”

(The customer hands me copy of the game.)

Me: “Sir, this game is rated “M.” We won’t sell this game to anyone under the age of 17 without proper I.D. Are you sure he got it here?”

Customer: “Yeah!” *hands me receipt*

(The receipt had been printed at my register, and is marked for earlier that day.)

Me: “The only copy of this game we sold today was sold to a twenty-one-year-old.”

Customer: “Well, he acts like a fourteen-year-old!”


This story is part of our “Bad Parents & R-Rated Movies” roundup!

Read the next story in the roundup!

Read the “Bad Parents & R-Rated Movies” roundup!

1 Thumbs
2,352

Wish You Could White-Out That Last Comment, Part 2

, , , | Right | October 29, 2010

Customer: “Excuse me, do you have any black paper?”

Me: “Sorry, we have lots of colors of paper, but no black. There is black construction paper on the art supply aisle, though.”

Customer: “Why don’t you have any here?”

Me: “Because it would be really hard to see the ink on a black piece of paper, so most of our paper colors are bright, pastel or white.”

Customer: “You don’t have white ink like the other printers?”

Me: “There is white ink, but I’m pretty sure it’s used for printing on fabric, not on paper.”

Customer: “Then how did they make this?”

(She shows me a flyer with a black background and white text.)

Me: “That’s called knockout text. The black background is printed with ink, and the white lettering is just the white paper underneath. I can certainly do something like that for you if you want.”

Customer: “Well, that’s just wasteful. Can’t you put some white-out in your machine and print on black paper?”

1 Thumbs
1,418