(I am on the phone with the local elementary school to find out what the cut off date is for kindergarten, so I can send my twins to school.)

Receptionist: “I am sorry, but [Twin B] can’t be enrolled until next year; his birthday is after the cut off. [Twin A] is able to start though.”

Me: “How is that possible?”

Receptionist: “Because January comes after December.”

Me: “Not in the same year. December 2006 comes after January 2006. Besides, if [Twin A] is old enough, then [Twin B] has to be old enough because they are twins and share the same birthday.”

Receptionist: “I don’t know what to tell you. [Twin B] can be enrolled next year because January comes after December.”

(This goes back and forth for about 15-20 min.)

Me: “Look, this is how a calendar works. January 2006, February 2006… November 2006, December 2006, January 2007. My kids were both born in 2006.”

Receptionist: *quiet as if thinking about this* “Oh, they are TWINS! Why didn’t you say so?!”

Me: “Seriously?”

(I’ve had some pain for several weeks, but recently had a medical test that found nothing wrong. After telling me this result, the doctor left and sent me on my way without any recommendations about how to feel better. I was frustrated so I asked her assistant to have the doctor call me back as soon as possible. I don’t get the call for a few days, and when the doctor finally does call, she sounds annoyed and uninterested.)

Doctor: *on the phone* “So there’s really nothing I can do for you. This sort of thing happens to everyone as they get older…” *stops listening to me and launches into a long standard spiel about aging and health*

Me: *struggling to get a word in edgewise, I finally have an idea* “So, how are you feeling?”

Doctor: “Wha… what?”

Me: *trying not to laugh at how I finally stopped her in her tracks* “I said, how are you feeling?”

Doctor: “You… you’re not supposed to ask me that! I’m supposed to tell you what to do!”

Me: “Well, you must feel one way or another. You are human, right?”

Doctor: *speechless*

(When she finally got her brain back on track, she humbly recommended a doctor at a different hospital who might actually be able to help me!)

(I work at a fast food place. A customer walks up to the counter and stares at the overhead menu board.)

Customer: “I want the bundle; what comes in the bundle?”

(I tell her what it comes with, which does not include fries.)

Customer: “Yeah, I’ll take that!”

(I finish taking her order and hand her her drink cups.)

Customer: “What are you doing with those? Aren’t you supposed to get my drinks?”

Me: “No, ma’am. We have a self-serve station for beverages.”

Customer: “Well, I’m going to use the restroom. Can’t you get them for me?”

Me: “No, ma’am. I’m not allowed out from behind the counter while I’m working.”

Customer: “Then use the drive-thru machine.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. The drive-thru is very busy and I cannot use their machine.”

Customer: “Well, I’m not asking you to!”

(She takes her cups and fills them up before using the restroom. Her bundle is ready before she comes out so I watch it for her. When she comes out, she marches to the box and begins searching it.)

Customer: “Where are my fries?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. It doesn’t come with fries.”

Customer: “What? I didn’t know it didn’t come with fries! Why didn’t you tell me? Customers don’t know what they’re ordering! That makes it your job to inform them what they order!”

(I work in a wake-up call company. We provide wake-up calls for hotels, and for independent people who schedule wake-up calls to make sure they can catch their planes, etc. We also provide these kinds of calls to old people to remind them to take their pills, or for their varying appointments, etc. I work night shifts, and I am alone in the call center when the phone rings.)

Me: “Wake-up call service. How can I help you?”

Caller: “That was a good show, dude!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Caller: “The show was awesome, man! I loved it!”

Me: “Sir, you’re calling a wake-up call company; I think you might have the wrong number.”

Caller: “No, dude, Mick gave us the number to call him!”

(At this point, I’m starting to realize this guy is coming back from a Rolling Stones concert in the same state where I live, and is high as f***. Since I don’t have any calls to make for another 20 minutes, I decide to play along with it.)

Me: “Okay, sir, I’d be happy to help you, but I need to know who you want to speak to.”

Caller: “Is this Mick Jagger? Dude, you’re so cool, man! Hey, where are you? We left the show like five minutes ago.”

Me: “You wish to speak with Mick Jagger? Just hold on for a second; I’ll patch him through.”

(I put him on hold, go on [Video Website] to look at a Mick Jagger interview for two minutes, and come back with my not-so-good Mick Jagger voice.)

Me: “Hello, who is this?”

Caller: “Mick? Holy s***! I’m on the phone with Mick Jagger. Dude, the show was soooo awesome! I’m your biggest fan! Mick, tell me when your next show is; I’ll follow you!”

Me: “Okay, son, what is your name?”

Caller: “I’m [Caller]!”

Me: “Okay, [Caller], leave me a phone number and I’ll make sure to call to tell you when my next show is. Now, I have to go back to sleep; I’m tired.”

Caller: “Yeah, cool, okay! My phone number is [number].”

Me: “Okay, I’ll make sure to call you tomorrow and give you my next show date!”

Caller: “Thanks, man. You’re the f***** best!” *click*

(The guy called about six hours later, completely sober, and told me he saw our number on his phone and was wondering why he called our company. I explained everything, and he laughed his ass off and apologized. I realized he lived about 45 minutes away from me and we decided to meet, and we became friends for about a year before I shipped off to college.)

(I work part-time at a department store. I am in a bad mood about some trivial things when a very nice man comes up to the cash register to buy something. We are having a pleasant, even fun, conversation. After I learn that he is from a foreign country, I ask:)

Me: “Are you here [in Southern California], for business or pleasure?”

Customer: “Pleasure. I am here with my two little kids.”

Me: “Have you been to [Amusement Park #1]?”

Customer: “Yes, and to [Amusement Park #2], [Amusement Park #3]… All over.”

(Then he points to a surgery “bump” on his mostly bald head and says matter-of-factly:)

Customer: “I have a brain tumor, and I won’t be here much longer. I want to leave my kids with as many pleasant memories of me as possible.”

(I was so shocked that I didn’t know what to say, so I just continued in silence. Then, he went to buy something in another department, but before he left the store, he came out of his way to shake my hand and thank me. I felt ashamed of myself for being in a bad mood over such trivial things.)