(My boyfriend is shopping while I’m looking after the trolley filled with things from a previous shop. When he returns he is smirking.)
Boyfriend: “So, the girl behind the counter just asked for my number.”
(My eyebrows shoot up in surprise.)
Me: “Really?”
Boyfriend: “Yep.”
(He throws something down on the table.)
Boyfriend: “For a loyalty card.”
Me: “Wha… oh. Oh!”
Boyfriend: *laughs at my expression*
(This takes place back in 80s before I am born. My mum is saying goodbye to her boyfriend at an airport. They are passionately kissing, with my mum straddled across his lap; they can barely take their hands off each other and they are being rather public about it. Eventually, they pull themselves apart and she goes to the check-in to get on the plane. In her defence, my mum has always had a wicked sense of humour.)
Air Hostess: *while at boarding gate* “Aw, saying goodbye to a loved one?”
Mum: “Yeah, that was my brother.”
Air Hostess: *literally jumps and stares at my mum in horror*
(Mum says she hopes one day that hostess realised she was joking.)
Related:
Oh, Brother!
(My girlfriend and I are both bi women. She is in the hospital to have a minor operation. I have to work, but I stop by after my shift. She’s woken up already, and I find out she’s had a panic attack — which is apparently fairly normal when waking up from anesthetic — and is recovering from it still. I go to see if I can help, being a friendly face and all. When I get there, she is still having the attack and is clinging pretty desperately onto the male nurse. When her panic does subside enough, I end up taking over so the nurse can do nurse things. My girlfriend is self-conscious over the fact she had a panic attack, so I try to lighten the mood.)
Me: *joking* “Are you being like this because I caught you with a man?”
Girlfriend: *super confused* “What?”
Me: “I mean, getting to cuddle up that real cute nurse. You sly dog.” *I nudge her playfully* “I mean, if you wanted to add a man to us, I wouldn’t be against it.”
Girlfriend: “I don’t understaaaaand!”
(She lightens up after that, and I hang about for a few hours until she’s released. As we’re leaving, we walk by the male nurse, who says goodbye. When he’s out of earshot…)
Girlfriend: “He was so cute!“
Me: “He’s the nurse you clung to when you were panicking!”
Girlfriend: “D*** it! I don’t remember!”
(My girlfriend and I are waiting in line to check out at a store. We’re in our late 30s, and while I’m into a lot of geeky things, she’s not. While in line, a rather attractive younger woman comes up behind us. She’s wearing librarian glasses, a [Popular Old Video Game] pendant necklace, and a t-shirt printed with one of those parody [Role-Playing Dungeon Game] alignment charts. I can’t help but notice and start to read her shirt, which means I’m staring directly at her chest. My girlfriend notices after a moment, grabs my sleeve, and gives me a nostril-flaring death stare.)
Me: *doesn’t get it at first* “What?” *gets it* “What? I was reading her shirt!”
Young Woman: *also doesn’t get it* “Oh, you like?” *pulls shirt out a bit making it easier to read*
Me: “Yeah, that’s really cool. Have a great day!”
(The girlfriend and I get through the register quickly, fortunately. Let’s say that her driving on the way home is a bit, um… aggressive. After she takes a turn that screeches the tires:)
Me: “I really was just reading her shirt. It was a [Role-Playing Dungeon Game] alignment chart, but with [Popular Space Movie] characters.”
Girlfriend: “Uh-huh.”
Me: “No, see, there’s this idea of a grid that your character can fall into, and that determines what you..”
Girlfriend: *cutting me off* “SHUT UP!”
Me: “But that’s–”
Girlfriend: *cutting me off again* “SHUT. THE. F***. UP. NOW!”
(After getting home, she shut herself in the bedroom. I have a feeling I’m sleeping on the couch tonight, all because I couldn’t not know that whole chart.)
(I am female in my late 20s. This has been the worse fortnight of my life so far; I was made redundant at work, I fell out with a very close friend over something really stupid, and someone rear-ended me. My period has also started, making everything a lot worse, as I get extremely hormonal during this time. Now, my glasses have broken. I emotionally break down, and cry at my boyfriend.)
Me: *whilst sobbing* “I have no friends, no vision, no car, and no money to sort out two of those problems! AND I’M BLEEDING EVERYWHERE!”
Boyfriend: “Shall I go get some cake?”
Me: *stops wailing, but still sniffing* “Cake?”
Boyfriend: “Yeah, let’s go to [My Favourite Cake Place].”
Me: *sniffing* “Really?”
Boyfriend: “Really, really.”
(He goes on the cake trip. He comes back sooner than I’d expect, and hands me the bag, which is too light to have cake in it. I open it up and find a ring box with a ring in it.)
Boyfriend: “Will yo—”
Me: *truly distressed* “Where’s the cake?!”
Boyfriend: “I… Erm.”
Me: “You said there would be cake!”
Boyfriend: “Okay… You’re irrationally—”
Me: *irrationally upset* “I am not irrationally upset! You promised cake! Instead, I get a ring that I can’t even see properly, because I have no vision! How could you betray me like this?!” *ugly, hysterical sobbing*
(He did go get me cake. And I did apologise to him over being overly emotional and dramatic. Surprisingly, he still wanted to marry me after that, so I said yes.)
This story is part of our Proposals roundup!
Read the next Proposals roundup story!
Read the Proposals roundup!
