(My anatomy and physiology class has started cadaver dissections, and although the professor is on hand to help or answer questions, he tries to let us do as much of it as possible. When a student accidentally nicks his palm with the scalpel, the professor ducks out of the lab to help him disinfect and bandage it, and since I have to change my gloves anyway, I take the opportunity to text my boyfriend.)

Me: “Warning: unsupervised undergrads with scalpels.”

Boyfriend: “It’s important to stab someone first to establish superiority.”

Me: “Nah, [Classmate] managed to stab himself with no help from me, which is why we’re currently unsupervised. My superiority is already established by my ability to properly wield the tools of dissection. I rule as Queen.”

Boyfriend: “Enjoy your reign of the land of corpses, and for any potential mutineers, threaten that they shall share the fate of the unwilling subjects of evisceration!”

Me: “The dissection cadavers donated their bodies to science, though; they’re not unwilling.”

Boyfriend: “Oh. Well, enjoy your stint as the queen of the dead things, then! Stir-fry tonight?”

(This counts as normal for us. He may be The One.)

(My boyfriend and I are texting about a stupid way he injured himself. As we’re saying goodbye, because he has to leave, I say:)

Me: “I love you, too, idiotic boyfriend.”

Boyfriend: “I will always be like this.”

Me: “You won’t stay an idiotic boyfriend forever.”

Boyfriend: “You’re right; I’ll evolve.”

Me: “Into?”

Boyfriend: “From idiotic boyfriend into idiotic husband.”

Me: “I was thinking corpse, but husband is good, too.”

This story is part of our Valentine’s Day 2023 roundup!

Read the next Valentine’s Day 2023 roundup story!

Read the Valentine’s Day 2023 roundup!

(I’m talking with my girlfriend online. She tells me she is taking her sister in for some medical tests and asks me what I’m doing.)

Me: “I’m watching Criminal Minds and drinking whiskey.”

Girlfriend: “That sounds good, except for the Criminal Minds and the whiskey.”

(My boyfriend and I are sitting on the couch when my cat jumps up and lies down between us. I start petting him, when my boyfriend gets my attention.)

Boyfriend: “Ow!”

Me: “Huh?”

Boyfriend: “He lay down on my hand and when you were petting him, the static built up and discharged through me.”

Me: *starts petting the cat again*

Boyfriend: “Ow. Ow. Ow. It’s going through my pinky, of all fingers!”

(My boyfriend and I are hanging out on the couch watching television. He’s got his yarn and crochet hook out when I have a realization.)

Me: “You know, I think we’re crazy cat people.”

Boyfriend: “Why? Because I’m crocheting a sweater vest for the cat?”

Me: “That may have something to do with it.”