I used to work at a barbecue restaurant.

Customer: “I’m vegan. What do you have to offer that I can eat?”

Me: “Um… probably just our corn on the cob without the butter, and our steamed broccoli.”

Customer: “Hmm… I’ll have the rib platter.”

Me: “Are you sure?”

Customer: “Yes!”

We brought her the rib platter, and she ate it. All of it.

I know that it can be confusing when starting a vegan diet since there are animal byproducts in many foods that you don’t expect, but I figured barbecue RIBS were a dead giveaway that they didn’t fit into the diet.

Related:
Their Vegan Knowledge Is A Bit Sloppy, Part 3
Their Vegan Knowledge Is A Bit Sloppy, Part 2
Their Vegan Knowledge Is A Bit Sloppy

I work in the imaging department of a hospital. Our phone lines are not public, so I’m not sure how this random older lady got through — possibly a misdial. I’m used to getting calls asking about imaging protocols or questions that I can easily direct to scheduling and registration. This lady has a heavy accent of some sort.

Lady: “Hello. I need, uh, whole foot.”

Me: “I’m sorry? Are you a patient?”

Lady: “Yes. Is it whole foot?”

Me: “Do you have an order for a foot X-ray?”

Lady: “Yes, yes, the whole foot.”

Me: “You need your whole foot X-rayed? Are you over in Ortho right now?”

Lady: “I, uh, is whole foots?”

Me: “…you want Whole Foods?”

Whole Foods is a supermarket chain.

Lady: “Yeah!”

Me: “Ma’am, this is a hospital…”

Lady: “Whole Foot!”

I hung up. It was going nowhere.

I work in a burger and fries place. A customer who has already ordered and eaten returns to the checkout counter.

Customer: “There is a customer eating his meal in one of your toilet stalls!”

Me: “I… see.”

Customer: “Well, aren’t you going to do something about it? It’s disgusting!”

Me: “While I agree that it doesn’t seem very… hygienic, what a customer is doing in the bathroom stalls is their business, and there’s not much we can do unless they’re being a nuisance or they have been in there for a while.”

Customer: “They are being a nuisance! They’re chewing loudly at the same time that they’re pooping!”

Me: “I… will let my manager know.”

Customer: “Good!”

Off they go, and I inform my manager of their complaint. 

Manager: “Well, if he’s not out in fifteen minutes, I’ll ask him if he needs any help, but honestly, as disgusting as that is, I’m impressed with the efficiency! In and out at the same time!”

I am a young woman working one of my two jobs as a checkout clerk at a big box store. One of the older male customers is staring intently at me while his wife is organising their items on my belt.

Customer: “You look so familiar. Where have I seen you before?”

Me: “I couldn’t say, sir. I work multiple departments here.”

Customer: “No, it’s not here. I’ve seen you outside of the store.”

Me: “I’m also a lifeguard at [Local Pool]?”

Customer: “That’s it! You’re the one with the leg tattoos! I usually only recognize you from your bottom half!”

I stifled laughter, and the wife kept on unloading like it was the most normal statement in the world.

I’ve just pulled up to the drive-thru speaker at a fast food restaurant.

Employee: “Welcome to [Restaurant]. May I take your order?”

Me: “Hi. Can I get—”

Employee: “AH, F***, HE’S BACK! [OTHER EMPLOYEE], HE’S IN THE KITCHEN! HELP ME!”

I pull out my phone and dial nine and one. I’m about to hit the final one when the drive-thru window pops open and an opossum goes flying out.

Employee: *Clearly out of breath* “Sorry… We’re… closed, due to, uh, sanitary reasons…”

Me: “…did it bite you?”

Employee: “Nah, he got a mouth full of chicken and he was not letting go.”