(I am working the customer service desk at a large retailer. A customer comes to the desk while I am on the phone with another customer, slams an Xbox game on the counter, and starts talking immediately.)

Customer #1: “This game doesn’t work!”

Me: *covering the phone* “Just a moment, ma’am. Thank you for your patience.”

(Two more customers get in line.)

Customer #1: “Don’t tell me to wait!”

Me: *holds up one finger* “I’m sorry, I’ll be right with you.”

Customer #1: “You’ll be with me now!”

Me: *holds up one finger again* “Just a moment.” *turns my back to her and takes a deep breath*

Customer #1: “DO NOT TURN YOUR BACK TO ME, B****!”

Me: *finally done with the phone* “I apologize for your wait. How can I help you?”

Customer #1: “You can get me your manager!”

Me: “Okay.” *calls manager* “She’ll be over shortly. Anything else I can do for you?”

Customer #1: “No!”

Me: “Okay. Next?”

([Customer #2] comes up.)

Customer #1: “What the f*** are you doing?!”

Me: “You said I can’t help you anymore.”

Customer #1: “I’ll have your job you f****** b****!”

Me: “Management will be up shortly, ma’am.”

Customer #1: “First you ignore me, then you shove me off? F*** this store and f*** you!”

Customer #2: “How about you take that tampon out of your a** and wait like a decent human being?”

Customer #1: “I will never be back!” *storms off*

Customer #2: “Thank God!”

(I work for a fast food mega-company that has run an annual Monopoly competition for about the last ten years. The rules are simple: buy food, peel stickers, maybe win stuff. The vast majority of the prizes are food and these can be redeemed on your next order, etc. To avoid people carrying over stickers from the previous year or gathering large amounts of them via online purchases, they carry an expiry date which is roughly two weeks after the promotion itself ends. It is now about three weeks since the promotion has ended and I am working drive-thru at the order window — face to face — when a woman pulls up to the window with four kids and produces the largest stack of Monopoly stickers I’ve ever seen; there are literally hundreds of them.)

Customer: “I’d like to redeem all of these, please.”

(There are two issues with this. One is that there is a two-prize limit per person, so even with five people in the car she could only claim ten. Issue number two is that the promotion stickers expired five days ago and are now entirely invalid and worthless, which I explain to her.)

Me: “I’m very sorry, but all this year’s Monopoly stickers expired on [date five days ago] and it’s now [current date]. The stickers are now invalid and can’t be redeemed again. I’m very sorry.”

Customer: “But I know there’s some way to redeem them, so get started.”

Me: “Again, sorry, but they can’t be redeemed. The till literally no longer possesses the function to put them through.”

Customer: “Well, now my family has to go hungry; you’re just a b****** and your mother can burn in Hell!”

(She then drives off and as she does so one of her kids, who is at best ten years old, shouts at me.)

Kid: “You worthless c***!”

(My manager rang around the local stores later in the day. She’d tried the other five stores in our franchise group and a further four stores at least, coming out with similar comments to everyone else who turned her down.)

My wife and I were staying at a decent four-star hotel. The service was lovely except for the fact that all the workers seemed to wear the same gods-awful perfume. It wouldn’t have been that big of a deal, but my wife is deathly allergic to artificial scents. It’s not “getting a runny nose and watery eyes” allergic, it’s “her throat closes up” allergic.

I made a note to the lady at the front desk to put down “no heavy perfumes” on their notes for us as guests in the system, and to notify the rest of the staff. The front desk lady was very kind and put it in, and she even called up the manager to let him know. He was also very nice.

We came home from a day exploring the city. Considering we live in a rural town, it was wonderful. The desk lady that checked us in greeted us when we came back and told us to have a wonderful evening. We told her the same and retired to our room.

When we walked in, the stench of the workers’ perfume was everywhere, and me being the concerned wife I am, I dragged my wife out, handed her the inhaler, and gave her a filtration mask. That wasn’t enough and we went down to the lobby. The receptionist saw my wife and dialed an ambulance immediately.

Meanwhile, the afternoon cleaning lady came down. She saw my wife and said, “Oh, bravo. What good effects makeup. Your wife is a good actress. I hope you enjoy our signature perfume; the room is non-refundable.”

When the ambulance got there, cops also came.

I don’t know what happened to the cleaning lady, but when we came back last month, a good two years after this story took place, the kind front desk lady had been promoted to manager and offered us a discounted visit due to our last visit. We bought her some candy and enjoyed our perfume-disasterless vacation.

(I work at a small wine store in the heart of downtown. The store is right at street level and by one of the busiest intersections in the city. As such, odd characters, as well as theft, are daily occurrences, and I get used to them quickly. We also always have samples of wine — corporate policy — for patrons to try our sale items. A man walks into the store.)

Customer: *pointing at a tray of wine samples* “Are these free to try?”

Me: “Of course! Feel free to have one.”

(While the man is enjoying his sample, another guy who regularly steals walks in, grabs some large bottles off the shelf, and leaves quickly.)

Customer: “Did he just steal!?!”

Me: “Yeah, it’s pretty common. And that guy hits us up a few times a week.”

Customer: “D***, it’s that easy?!”

(With that he walked to a shelf, grabbed a bottle, and left. All I could think was, “At least he grabbed a poor-selling item!”)

(I’m a cashier. It’s slow, so while we’re cleaning around the front, we’re talking. It’s also Mother’s Day, and while I don’t have a mother, I celebrate it with my grandma, who raised me.)

Coworker #1: “Hey, [My Name], doing anything for today?”

Me: “I’m taking my grandma out to dinner after work.”

Coworker #1: “Oh, nice! What about your mom?”

Me: “Oh, I don’t have one. I just do all the Mother’s Day stuff for my grandma.”

Coworker #1: “What? Everyone has a mother!”

Me: “No, that’s completely false. I don’t have a mother.”

Coworker #1: “Why not?!”

(The reason is VERY personal. Only a few people outside of my family know.)

Me: “It’s none of your business.”

Coworker #1: “You probably did something and she disowned you. It’s because you’re a [lesbian slur], aren’t you?!”

(Another coworker, who’s also a good friend of mine, hears this and comes over.)

Coworker #2: “Okay, no. First of all, [My Name] is gay, but that is neither related to that situation or anything bad. Second, she’s right; you don’t need to know why she doesn’t have a mother. Third, you watch your mouth around here.”

Coworker #1: “Why did [Manager] hire a [lesbian slur]?! You’re just gonna try and get in my pants!”

(My other coworker goes to get the manager. I just look at the cashier.)

Me: “…[Coworker #1], I don’t want in your pants. I have standards.”

(She was suspended for her comments, since a lot of other coworkers complained about her.)