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Stories about people who clearly aim to misbehave.

Beat It, Kid

, , , , | Right | November 26, 2020

I work in a bank. We are super busy. I see a kid, no older than eighteen, come in the door.

Me: “Hello! We’ll be with you in just a minute!”

The customer immediately turns his face in the other direction and pulls his hat low over his eyes. I continue chatting with my current customer, who is a regular, but keep an eye on the kid. He starts studying the cameras and pushes on our side door, which is locked during the day.

Me: “Excuse me, sir. Do you need a deposit slip?”

The kid scowls at me and adjusts his hat over his eyes again. My regular turns around to see what’s going on.

Regular: “What’s up with that?”

Me: “Do you mind if I call the manager real quick?”

Regular: “Go right ahead, hon. I’ve got time.”

I call my manager’s extension.

Me: “Hey, I need you to come out and talk to someone.”

Manager: “Kid with the red hat who just tried the side exit?”

Me: “That’s the one. He’s eyeing the cameras, and he keeps hiding his face.”

Manager: “Leave it to me.”

She comes out of her office and approaches him.

Manager: *Loudly* “Good morning, sir! What can I help you with today? Do you want to open an account? Buy a new car? I can help you with that! Why don’t you step into my office?”

Several customers turn around to see who’s speaking. The kid turns around and runs out the door. My regular laughs.

Manager: “And that’s how you take care of that. Nice catch, [My Name].”

You’ve Heard Of The Dead Parrot Sketch, Now It’s Time For…

, , , , | Right | CREDIT: DangerMorg | November 26, 2020

It’s a week before Thanksgiving. While I am checking out customers, my supervisor hands me a frozen turkey.

Supervisor: “It needs to go back to the meat department. I’ll take over for you while you take it back.”

This is routine and I think nothing of it, so I accept and headed toward the meat department. I arrive at the frozen turkey selection and place a turkey down within the freezer. A friendly old lady walks up to me:

Old Lady: “Excuse me, do these turkeys get any bigger?”

Remembering a certain meme I had found, I chuckle and say:

Me: “No, ma’am, they’re dead.”

She laughs wholeheartedly along with me, and I tell her I’ll check with the meat department since I’m only a cashier and they’d have a larger turkey for her. She thanks me and I meet with the meat manager in their cooler and tell him about the customer. I then retire back to my post on the checkout line.

I would have forgotten about this altogether if it wasn’t for my manager calling me to her office to talk to me.

Manager: “We’ve got a complaint from a customer about you telling a joke. The customer said a joke about dead turkeys is insensitive towards the animal and that if you wouldn’t be making those jokes about people you shouldn’t do it with turkeys.

We both agree that it was kind of stupid and that I shouldn’t have done it, but she did find the joke funny so I think I got off easy with that one.

A few hours later I am on self-checkout when a lady approaches me, with a leather purse and fur coat.

Customer: “Why are you still here? I filed a complaint against you! You should’ve been fired for what you said!”

Everything had made sense to me at that point. This lady had overheard my joke with the older lady and had taken offense to it. She begins to berate me saying that if someone were to joke about my death I wouldn’t take kindly to it.

Me: *Politely retorting.* “Ma’am, I wouldn’t mind because I’d be dead.”

She starts fuming. With a smug confidence, she gets in my face:

Customer: “Would you kill me if I was a turkey?”

She then starts doing chicken motions and making chicken noises at me, and I can’t help but laugh. From the other self-checkout kiosks, I can see customers stifling giggles and pointing towards the chicken customer. Now finished with her poultry outburst, she repeats her question.

Customer: “If I was a turkey, would you kill me?”

While I am enjoying this tirade, all good things must come to an end so I begrudgingly tell her:

Me: “Ma’am, I’m gonna have to ask you to leave; you’re causing a disturbance to the other customers.”

She demands that I answer her question.

Me: “No, I wouldn’t kill you but I would call security if you do that again.”

Fortunately, she seems to be deterred, and as she walks towards the door she begins to yell the standard spiel like:

Customer: “I won’t ever shop here again until you get fired! Your soul will burn unless you repent you animal-killer!”

I can’t help but ask the question: why was someone like her in the meat department anyway?


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It Was A Bad Idea To Begin With, But He Picked The Wrong Kid

, , , , , , | Working | November 25, 2020

I work at a gift shop in downtown Austin. We’re not exactly a huge business, but Austin’s got a lot of people in it, so there’s pretty much always enough revenue coming in to keep the place up and running. Plus, though I don’t mean to brag, a lot of the customers do talk about how nice and friendly an employee I am and how good I am at customer service.

However, my coworker is not as nice, friendly, or good at customer service. He often goes around playing pranks on the customers, scaring the children with stories, and behaving like an overall jerk to everyone who comes in the store. He is even pretty mean to the other employees, which is why most of us tend to dislike him, as well.

The manager is out sick, so [Coworker] is being more of an a**hole than usual and getting on everybody’s nerves. Apparently, his favorite hobbies when the boss isn’t around are blowing air horns in our ears at random intervals, lying to customers about where to find stuff, and doing whatever else he can think of to make us hate him more than we already do.

At one point, I am restocking shelves when I notice a little boy, seemingly about seven or eight years old, at the other end of the aisle. He doesn’t seem lost, considering he isn’t really yelling out for his parents or anything, but it also seems a little off that he would be in the glassware section of the store and not the children’s section, especially without anyone else around.

I begin to walk up to him and ask him if he is lost, when [Coworker] pops up seemingly out of nowhere and begins talking to him before I can.

Coworker: “Hey, little guy. What’s your name?”

Boy: “My name is [Boy].”

Coworker: “Well, [Boy], are you lost or anything?”

Boy: “A little. I think my mom is still in the store, but I can’t find her.”

Coworker: “That’s unfortunate. Do you know what we do with little children that get lost here?”

“Oh no,” I think. [Coworker] isn’t going to help this kid out at all.

Boy: “N-no. What?”

Coworker: “We grab ’em by the feet…”

He picks [Boy] up by his legs, at which point the boy begins screaming.

Coworker: “…and then we take ’em to the ’employees only’ part of the store and feed ’em to the hungry crocodiles!”

The boy is now really beginning to shriek, undoubtedly alerting the whole store to his presence. I, of course, have finally had my fill of [Coworker]’s d*****baggery, and I begin walking up to him to give him a piece of my mind.

Out of nowhere, a lady’s voice suddenly shouts.

Lady: “FREEZE!”

[Coworker] quickly turns his head around to his side, where he sees an armed officer pointing her gun in his direction.

Lady: “DROP THE BOY AND PUT YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR!”

[Coworker], of course, complied immediately and put the boy on the floor. The boy shouted, “Mommy!” The officer then put her gun back in its holster and hugged the boy tightly. I, of course, was absolutely stunned.

Of all the kids [Coworker] picked out to pick on, he chose a boy who just happened to be the son of a Dallas police officer. Honestly, I thought it was pretty incredible Karma that had taken place that day.

Long story short, while [Coworker] did manage to avoid getting arrested, the manager unsurprisingly found out about the incident and fired him from the gift shop the following day. I’m still in awe over the incident, and honestly, I think I may never be able to forget that day when the kindergarten bully in a grown man’s body got taken down by local law enforcement.

Is Throwing Her Out The Window An Option?

, , , , | Friendly | CREDIT: sassy-cheese-cube | November 25, 2020

When I am fourteen, I have to go to Australia with my parents for my uncle’s wedding. To a fourteen-year-old me, that sounds pretty good. Little do I know that I will be encountering an entitled jerk on the plane.

Our seats are a bit far from each other, but I am okay with it. I sit next to a woman and her toddler, who is asleep. I offer one of those fake salutation smiles, but she just stares blankly at me. I think nothing of it. I just sit down and open my laptop and play some games. After a while of playing, I decide to do my summer homework, basically translating some English paragraphs into Hindi — I’m Indian.

I have not been thinking about the woman next to me, but suddenly:

Woman: “What do you think you are doing?!”

Me: “My assignment? I am a student.”

Woman: “Uh, no! You are a terrorist! That’s what you are!”

I just give her a confused look.

Woman: *To the air hostess* “Excuse me, miss! This is a very dangerous man; he is writing something in Afghanistan!”

Hostess: *Visibly sorry for me* “Ma’am, he is a child.”

Woman: “But he’s Pakistani!”

Me: “I’m Indian, and I’m just doing my homework—”

Woman: “SHUT UP, YOU TERRORIST”

At this point, a gentleman stepped in and started full-on verbally attacking the woman. He called her out on her racism and called her a stupid b**** and an Islamophobe.

My angry parents came up, wanting to kill the woman.

The sleeping toddler woke up crying.

IT WAS TOTAL CHAOS.

The airhostess reprimanded the woman, and most people of colour on the plane were trying to strangle her with their eyes. To my shock, the woman decided to shut up. She did not, however, apologise to me.

The air staff apologised profusely for the woman’s behaviour, and ultimately, they decided to give me an upgrade so that I didn’t have to sit with her. I was not scared, but I was really disappointed in the woman.

My family and I thanked the gentleman who interceded, and the rest of the trip went well.

People, be like that gentleman. Sir, if you’re reading this, thank you again!

Whatever She’s On, It’s Not Strong Enough

, , , , , | Right | November 25, 2020

I have clinical depression and anxiety. It isn’t fun and has gotten worse since having children. I am in therapy and take a carefully prescribed amount of medication which keeps me functional.

One day, I am at the pharmacy getting a refill on my meds. I have been waiting for about twenty minutes when another woman comes up and hands in her prescription.

We wait together, but the woman next to me — who has been waiting two minutes at this point — starts to gripe and moan about how long it’s taking.

Pharmacist: “[My Name], your meds are ready, if you want to come to the window.”

Woman: “That’s me! That’s me!”

Pharmacist: “Ma’am, you just handed in a prescription and I know for a fact that your name is not [My Name].”

Woman: “Just give me my medicine so I can go!

Me: “Excuse me? Can I get through?”

Woman: “I’m next!”

Pharmacist: “Here you go, [My Name].”

I take the meds and pay, but before I can put them in my bag, the crazy lady swipes them!

Pharmacist: “Hey! Give those back!”

Me: “Those are mine, you lunatic!”

The woman starts to open the bag and rifle through my medicine as the cashier/pharmacy assistant comes around the till and tries to convince the woman to stop and give my medicine back.

Woman: “Woah, boy! There’s a lot of antidepressants in here! Are you suicidal or what?”

Cashier: “The police are on their way. If you don’t hand over that woman’s medicine—”

A previously unseen pharmacist calls out.

Pharmacist: “[Woman], your meds are ready.”

The woman drops my paper bag full of meds onto the floor, spilling the pill packets out of the boxes, and skips up to the counter to merrily pick up her medicine.

We watch her leave with a massive smile on her face.

I got a gift card for my troubles and the CCTV footage was turned over to the police. I don’t know what happened to her.