You’ve Heard Of The Dead Parrot Sketch, Now It’s Time For…

, , , | Right | November 26, 2020

It’s a week before Thanksgiving. While I am checking out customers, my supervisor hands me a frozen turkey.

Supervisor: “It needs to go back to the meat department. I’ll take over for you while you take it back.”

This is routine and I think nothing of it, so I accept and headed toward the meat department. I arrive at the frozen turkey selection and place a turkey down within the freezer. A friendly old lady walks up to me:

Old Lady: “Excuse me, do these turkeys get any bigger?”

Remembering a certain meme I had found, I chuckle and say:

Me: “No, ma’am, they’re dead.”

She laughs wholeheartedly along with me, and I tell her I’ll check with the meat department since I’m only a cashier and they’d have a larger turkey for her. She thanks me and I meet with the meat manager in their cooler and tell him about the customer. I then retire back to my post on the checkout line.

I would have forgotten about this altogether if it wasn’t for my manager calling me to her office to talk to me.

Manager: “We’ve got a complaint from a customer about you telling a joke. The customer said a joke about dead turkeys is insensitive towards the animal and that if you wouldn’t be making those jokes about people you shouldn’t do it with turkeys.

We both agree that it was kind of stupid and that I shouldn’t have done it, but she did find the joke funny so I think I got off easy with that one.

A few hours later I am on self-checkout when a lady approaches me, with a leather purse and fur coat.

Customer: “Why are you still here? I filed a complaint against you! You should’ve been fired for what you said!”

Everything had made sense to me at that point. This lady had overheard my joke with the older lady and had taken offense to it. She begins to berate me saying that if someone were to joke about my death I wouldn’t take kindly to it.

Me: *Politely retorting.* “Ma’am, I wouldn’t mind because I’d be dead.”

She starts fuming. With a smug confidence, she gets in my face:

Customer: “Would you kill me if I was a turkey?”

She then starts doing chicken motions and making chicken noises at me, and I can’t help but laugh. From the other self-checkout kiosks, I can see customers stifling giggles and pointing towards the chicken customer. Now finished with her poultry outburst, she repeats her question.

Customer: “If I was a turkey, would you kill me?”

While I am enjoying this tirade, all good things must come to an end so I begrudgingly tell her:

Me: “Ma’am, I’m gonna have to ask you to leave; you’re causing a disturbance to the other customers.”

She demands that I answer her question.

Me: “No, I wouldn’t kill you but I would call security if you do that again.”

Fortunately, she seems to be deterred, and as she walks towards the door she begins to yell the standard spiel like:

Customer: “I won’t ever shop here again until you get fired! Your soul will burn unless you repent you animal-killer!”

I can’t help but ask the question: why was someone like her in the meat department anyway?

Source: Reddit (Credit: DangerMorg, Original Story)

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