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Well-To-Do, If A Bit Daffy

, , , , , | Right | May 30, 2012

(A well-dressed woman enters the store and hands me a note.)

Customer: “Could you get this order ready for me, please? I’ll be back in ten minutes.”

(I look at the note, but it’s blank.)

Me: “There is nothing written on this note.”

Customer: “Well, I decided to surprise myself today with my purchases.”

Me: “Okay… that’s new, but I’ll see what I can do!”

(Ten minutes later, she returns.)

Customer: “So, what did I buy today?”

Me: *hands her a bag* “Three pounds of bread crust to feed the ducks in the park. They are free of charge.”

Customer: *surprised* “Oh! I was planning to go to the hairdresser, but this is… DUCKS, YOU SAY? Well, off to the park, then! Goodbye!”


This story is part of our Bread roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

23 Funny Stories About Ice Cream Store Customers To Send A Chill Down Your Spine

 

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Read the Bread roundup!

Making A Difference

, , , , , | Right | May 28, 2012

(We have a big display of used books just outside our doors that we sell to raise money for a local charity. Paperbacks are $1 and hardcovers are $3, but we sometimes let them give less money if the books aren’t in great condition. An older lady comes to the counter with a brand-new-looking hardcover that I had originally thought she bought at the bookstore in the mall.)

Me: “That’s just from [the used books outside the mall]?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “Okay, that’ll be $3, please.”

(The customer puts a single loonie on the counter.)

Me: “Oh, sorry. It’s $3.”

Customer: “WHAT?! But I got some paperbacks the other day and they were only $1!”

Me: “That’s because the paperbacks are $1, but the hardcovers are $3.”

Customer: “Well, that’s just ridiculous! I don’t want it, then!”

Me: “Well, I can take it for the $1 because it’s just a donation, but they’re supposed to the $3.”

Customer: “Huh?”

Me: “The money for the books goes to a charity, so since it’s just a donation, I can give it to you for a dollar. But, just so you know, the hardcovers are $3.”

Customer: “That’s ridiculous! $3 for a book!” *leaves the loonie on the counter and takes her book*

(About 20 minutes later, a teenage girl and her boyfriend come into the store with a hardcover book.)

Me: “That’ll be $3, please.”

(The teenage girl hands me a $5 bill. I open the donation jar to get her change.)

Teenage Girl: “Oh, it’s a donation?”

Me: “Yes.”

Teenage Girl: “Well, you can just take the whole $5, then.”

Me: “Thank you very much!”

Teenage Girl: “No problem!”

(Funny, the differences between some people!)


This story is part of our Customers Who Dislike Charity roundup!

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Read the Customers Who Dislike Charity roundup!

How To Show-Up A Show-Off

, , , | Right | February 24, 2012

(Note: I’m a male customer at a coffee shop. I’m standing in line behind an obnoxious man and a beautiful blonde woman he’s unsuccessfully trying to chat up. The server is a young woman who appears to be new at her job.)

Man: “Excuse me! I ordered a non-fat, non-sugar, orange mocha chip frappuccino! This isn’t non-fat, and there’s no whip cream on it.”

Barista: “I’m so sorry, sir. I’ll remake it immediately.”

Man: *to blonde woman* “What is up with these guys!? They screw everything up.”

Barista: “Here’s your drink, sir. I hope this one is up to standard.”

Man: “What are you, f****** r*****ed?! This is a plain mocha frappuccino! I wanted an orange chip mocha frappuccino! Get it f****** right!”

(The barista remakes his drink again, but is clearly on the verge of tears.)

Man: “Oh, my God, you people need to learn to speak English! I said non-fat. Don’t tell me it is non-fat, because I can taste—”

(At this point, the blonde woman decides she’s had enough of the man and interrupts him.)

Blonde Woman: *in a strong Irish accent* “WILL YOU STOP BEING A JERK FOR FIVE F***ING MINUTES?! The girl has made the d*** coffee perfectly this time — I watched her! And, even if she hasn’t, she’s young and clearly new at her job. It’s a f***ing coffee! Cut her some slack!”

Man: “Excuse me, but I want what I asked for! I don’t see why that’s so hard!”

Blonde Woman: “She probably looked at you, assumed you were a man, and was therefore completely confused by your non-fat, non-sugar, orange mocha chip frappuccino order. Real men drink real coffee, and they don’t bully teenage girls until they cry. Now, can you please stop being an almighty dickhead, and just f*** off?!”

(Everyone in the coffee shop clapped, and the man left, embarrassed. I paid for the blonde woman’s coffee, and found out she is from the same part of Ireland as me. One thing led to another, and I asked her to marry me this Christmas. She said yes!)

Totally, Like, Imperio

, , , | Right | May 26, 2011

(I want to walk into a retail store. There is a customer of my age (around 22) standing in front of the door. It won’t open for her.)

Customer:Alohomora!”

(The door opens as I walk closer.)

Customer: “Ha! Works!”

(She goes in and I follow her. This is a little store with not much space to wander around. A customer is trying to reach something on the highest shelf.)

Customer:Accio!”

(I shake the shelf a little so the item she wants falls into her arms.)

Customer: “Whoa! It really does work!”

(We proceed to the register, and she pays and leaves. I am in line behind her. When I get out of the store, she’s already there, standing by her car. A policeman is there, too, writing her a ticket.)

Customer: “Oh, but I really just went in for a minute! I didn’t see the sign!”

Policeman: “I’m sorry, miss, there’s nothing I can do. You broke the law by parking here.”

(The customer stares at him blankly, and then glances at me.)

Me: “I think the word you’re looking for is ‘Imperio’!”

Leave Your Baggage At The Checkout

, , , , , , | Right | April 7, 2011

(I am checking out a customer.)

Customer #1: “No, no, no! I want the fruit in a separate bag.”

Me: “No problem. I was just going to do that anyway.”

Customer #1: “No, I want them separate. They’ll get squashed.”

Me: “So, separate from each other?”

Customer #1: “Yes, of course! Or they’ll get bruised.”

(By this point, the customer has been rude enough. I put each piece of fruit in its own individual bag while he pays. When he has rushed off, both I and the next customer notice he has left three of the four bags of fruit behind.)

Me: “Sorry, just be a second.”

(I run to a coworker not on register.)

Me: *to coworker* “The previous customer left these behind. He’s wearing a red cap and a black t-shirt, heading out the exit by the bank.”

Coworker: “On it!” *dashes off*

Customer #2: “After all that fuss, and he forgot about it!”

Me: “The sad thing is, I’d put money on it somehow being my fault.”

Customer #2: “No, surely not?! It was sitting on the bench, plain as day.”

Me: “You’d be surprised, really. Most people are rational, but in this job you really do get to see all types. Some people just can’t take responsibility for their own actions, and we’re easy targets for blame.”

Customer #2: “That’s sad, but you’ve got me as a witness!” *smiles*

(The first customer storms back to my register.)

Customer #1: “You stole my shopping! Where is it? You kept it to make me look like a fool!”

Me: “It’s okay. It’s right here.”

(I hand over the bags, smiling.)

Customer #1: “Where were they? You hid them behind the register?”

Customer #2: “No, they were right there on the bench with the rest of your shopping.”

Customer #1: “Oh. I thought you’d forgotten to pick them up from back there.”

Customer #2: “They sent someone after you, too.”

Me: “It’s fine. It looks like you were in a rush. Have a good day!”

(The first customer scurries off grumbling and clutching his bags.)

Customer #2: “I thought you were just kidding! I had no idea people could be so stupid! And so very rude to you for his own mistake! I’d never blame any of you for something like that.”

Me: “I know. That’s what makes you one of the good ones!”