(My friend is doing some work for another window cleaner who is recovering from an operation. She has recruited me to help her with his jobs so that she has time for hers. It’s around 7:45 am. We have cleaned the outside windows of a store and a staff member now arrives meaning that we can get the insides done in time for them to open at 8:00.)

Me: “Good morning.”

Staff Member: “Good morning.”

(She unlocks the door and we attempt to follow her in.)

Staff Member: “You’ll have to wait.”

(Assuming that she has to turn off an alarm, we wait a few moments and then open the door again.)

Staff Member: “No, you can’t come in. We’re not open yet.”

Me: *looking at our high-visibility shirts, buckets of water, and poles to reassure myself* “Um, we’re not here to shop.”

Staff Member: “Oh, I’m sorry! Hey, do you have water there?”

Friend: “Yes…?”

Staff Member: “Because there’s a mark on the outside wall that I can’t get off. I think it’s wee. Could you clean that while you’re here?”

Both Of Us: “…”

(I’m in a hotel at the breakfast buffet, where they have a self-serving station for tea and coffee, complete with little teapots and milk jugs. I am filling my own teapot when I notice the last milk jug has just been taken. I wait a while for a staff member to become available and then flag them down.)

Me: “Excuse me, are there any more milk jugs in the kitchen?” *motioning where they have been sitting*

Waiter: “What do you want?”

Me: “Oh, for milk, a creamer, a milk jug?”

Waiter: *still looks confused*

Me: “About this big—” *motions with hands* “—and you put your milk in it for your coffee or tea?”

Waiter: “Oh, something to put your milk in? Okay.”

(She returns a couple of minutes later with a milk jug and hands it to me. She then immediately walks to the milk station and picks up the only bottle of milk, about three-quarters full, and walks away with it. I wait for her to return with the milk bottle a few minutes later, having added a bit more milk to it. She notices me waiting at the same spot, and says:)

Waiter: “Oh, you wanted milk, too?”

(I’m a customer in a popular fast food restaurant, picking myself up some dinner after a night church meeting. This particular fast food franchise has added kiosks in all stores where you input your order, pay using a debit/credit card or cash, receive a receipt with a number on it, and then wait for your number to be called. You no longer give your order to the employees, which allows them to focus on cooking the food and handing out orders when finished in a quick and efficient manner. I’ve used them several times in the past and have always received my order within minutes. Just after I have processed my order, I stand off to the side, waiting for my number, when I notice a woman with four kids standing near the counter. She does not have a receipt.)

Employee: *walking around and checking on the status of customer orders* “Excuse me, ma’am, what’s your order number?”

Woman: “Oh, I’m still waiting to order.”

Employee: “Do you need help with the kiosks?”

Woman: “No, I want to order at the counter.”

Employee: “Oh, we use the kiosks now; it’s much faster, and we–“

Woman: *cuts him off* “I refuse to use something like that. I want proper, real customer service as the counter. Are you telling me you do not do that anymore?”

Employee: *clearly having no idea what to say* “Uh, well, we use the kiosks because it allows us to focus on—”

Woman: *looking quite annoyed* “I don’t care. I refuse to use technology. Don’t you know they’re trying to steal everyone’s jobs? This is just ridiculous!”

Employee: “I can help you with the kiosk if you don’t know what to do, but—”

Woman: “I absolutely refuse to use computers! They’ll put everyone out of a job! They’ll take over your job!”

Employee: “But ma’am, I can—”

Woman: *in full-blown rant mode* “I never use computers. Ever! They’ll put everyone out of a job! They’ll take over your job! I’m not going to shop somewhere like this; you’re not getting my money! I’m leaving!”

(She proceeded to storm out of the store with her kids in tow, leaving the poor employee — who looked like he was only about sixteen — looking quite confused. The surprising part is that the woman in question looked like she was only in her mid-thirties; how she refuses to use computers and modern technology in this day and age is baffling to me, not to mention that her kids likely use computers every day at school! Maybe new technology like kiosks will cut down on some jobs, but it will also create more — after all, someone has to fix the machines when they break down!)

Me: “Hello, can I please order two coffees to take away? One with coffee, and one without.”

Barista: “So… you want…”

Me: *thinking she’s misheard me over the loud din of the other patrons* “Two coffees; one with coffee, and one without.”

Barista: *looking increasingly worried*

Me: *now assuming she’s probably new and I must not be explaining myself clearly* “So, one will just be coffee, and the other one will be coffee with one coffee…”

My Boyfriend: “Sugar! One with sugar, and one without! You’re saying coffee! Stop saying coffee!“

Me: *penny dropping* “Oh, my gosh, I’m so sorry. I was so adamant I was saying the right words.”

Barista: *laughing with a tangible look of relief* “You have no idea how relieved I am. I thought this was going to end with you yelling at me for not making your non-coffee coffee!”

(It worries me that her reaction suggests people do ask for this and expect her to do it.)

(A lady approaches my register and unloads her groceries. She has about ten items. I scan the first item and bag it.)

Customer: “Excuse me, that was meant to be half-price. It’s scanned at full-price.”

Me: “Oh? I’m very sorry about that. I’ll have to call someone to go check the price for me.”

Customer: “I don’t have time for that; I’m in a rush. I guess I’ll just have to take it full price.”

(I scan the next item.)

Customer: “That was meant to be on sale, too.”

(It turns out that almost every item she was buying is supposed to be on special, but scans full price.)

Customer: “This is ridiculous. The only reason I came here today and bought these things was that they were supposed to be on special, but they’re not. This is false advertising.”

Me: “I’m really sorry. I have no idea what’s going on. Unfortunately, I can’t do anything about it unless I get someone to go check the ticket prices on each item.”

Customer: “As I said, I don’t have time. I’ll just have to take them full price. But know that I’m very angry about this and will be complaining.”

Me: “Of course. Do you have a [loyalty card] I can scan through?”

Customer: “Yes. Here.”

(She angrily thrusts her card at me. I turn it over and see that it’s the loyalty card from our competitor.)

Me: “Um, so, I think I’ve worked out what the problem is. This is the card from [Competitor].”

Customer: “So?”

Me: “This is [Our Store].”

Customer: “What do you— Oh!”

(The customer turned bright red, paid as fast as she could, and hightailed it out of there.)

Related:
Sale Fail, Part 5
Sale Fail, Part 4
Sale Fail, Part 3