Customer: “Phone!”

Me: “Sorry?”

Customer: “Phone! Do you have one?”

Me: “You want to use our phone?”

Customer: “Jesus Christ! No, my phone!”

Me: “Your phone?”

Customer: “Yes, do you have it?”

Me: “Oh, you’ve lost your phone?”

Customer: “For f***’s sake! Yes! Have you seen it?”

Me: “Not personally, but I’ll ask my coworker at the lost and found. Hey, [Coworker], has a phone been handed in?”

Coworker: “No, no one’s handed anything in.”

Me: “Sorry, sir, no one’s–”

Customer: “Thanks for nothing!”

(The customer stormed off. Ten minutes later, another customer handed me a phone she’d found in the store. Unfortunately, the angry customer stormed off so fast, I wasn’t able to get any contact information off him, so we weren’t able to reunite him with his phone. What a shame.)

(It is my last day; I have resigned due to many issues, which include my manager’s inability to come into work on time to relieve me. I am not a manager but I usually work the opening shift while she works the closing shift. Today is no exception; I watch the minutes tick away waiting to see how late she will be. Twenty minutes after my shift is supposed to end, I see her run through the door and disappear into an aisle like she always does. Usually, she will head straight for the office, and then pretend that she was actually early and that she didn’t realise what time it was because she was so busy. I am not supposed to leave the register unattended, but for some reason, this time I don’t care, so I race to the office, getting to the door right behind her.)

Me: “Hello, [Manager].”

Manager: *jumps because I startled her* “Oh, um… Hi, [My Name]… Uh, I’m sorry I am late but I stopped to get you a goodbye coffee.” *hands me an almost stone-cold coffee* “Uh, is there any way I might be able to talk you into staying on with us?”

Me: “Uh…” *looks at the coffee* “Nope, I don’t think so.”

(I signed my keys in and left.)

(I work as a salesperson, selling things like window tint and paint protection to customers who have just bought a car. I am talking to a whole family who has just bought a new car for their seventeen-year-old son. The mother is rolling her eyes next to me and the father is staring blankly the whole time.)

Me: “I’d really recommend having window tint applied to the new car. It blocks out 99% of UV rays, which is really important as they cause skin cancer. We have the highest rates of skin cancer in the world in Australia.”

Father: “Well, does it block out vitamin D, as well?”

Me: “I’ve never really thought about that. I guess it does, but the important thing is that you are protected from harmful UV rays while driving.”

Mother: “Well, you should Google vitamin D. It’s actually good for you and you need it. It’s really healthy. We won’t be getting tint if it blocks out vitamin D.”

Me: “Thanks, I do actually know what vitamin D is. Can’t you get your dose of Vitamin D at another time during the day? You need to make sure you are protected from UV while you’re driving around…”

Mother: “Well, actually, vitamin D helps your body break down the UV rays so you’re protected from skin cancer. Google it.”

Me: “So… you’re saying that… the sun protects you from skin cancer?”

Mother: “Just google vitamin D.”

Me: “Umm…”

Mother: “Also, you shouldn’t shower after you’ve been in the sun.”

Daughter: “Yeah, you really shouldn’t. It will wash off the vitamin D.”

(My friend is doing some work for another window cleaner who is recovering from an operation. She has recruited me to help her with his jobs so that she has time for hers. It’s around 7:45 am. We have cleaned the outside windows of a store and a staff member now arrives meaning that we can get the insides done in time for them to open at 8:00.)

Me: “Good morning.”

Staff Member: “Good morning.”

(She unlocks the door and we attempt to follow her in.)

Staff Member: “You’ll have to wait.”

(Assuming that she has to turn off an alarm, we wait a few moments and then open the door again.)

Staff Member: “No, you can’t come in. We’re not open yet.”

Me: *looking at our high-visibility shirts, buckets of water, and poles to reassure myself* “Um, we’re not here to shop.”

Staff Member: “Oh, I’m sorry! Hey, do you have water there?”

Friend: “Yes…?”

Staff Member: “Because there’s a mark on the outside wall that I can’t get off. I think it’s wee. Could you clean that while you’re here?”

Both Of Us: “…”

(I’m in a hotel at the breakfast buffet, where they have a self-serving station for tea and coffee, complete with little teapots and milk jugs. I am filling my own teapot when I notice the last milk jug has just been taken. I wait a while for a staff member to become available and then flag them down.)

Me: “Excuse me, are there any more milk jugs in the kitchen?” *motioning where they have been sitting*

Waiter: “What do you want?”

Me: “Oh, for milk, a creamer, a milk jug?”

Waiter: *still looks confused*

Me: “About this big—” *motions with hands* “—and you put your milk in it for your coffee or tea?”

Waiter: “Oh, something to put your milk in? Okay.”

(She returns a couple of minutes later with a milk jug and hands it to me. She then immediately walks to the milk station and picks up the only bottle of milk, about three-quarters full, and walks away with it. I wait for her to return with the milk bottle a few minutes later, having added a bit more milk to it. She notices me waiting at the same spot, and says:)

Waiter: “Oh, you wanted milk, too?”