When Is Coffee Not A Coffee?

Me: “Hello, can I please order two coffees to take away? One with coffee, and one without.”

Barista: “So… you want…”

Me: *thinking she’s misheard me over the loud din of the other patrons* “Two coffees; one with coffee, and one without.”

Barista: *looking increasingly worried*

Me: *now assuming she’s probably new and I must not be explaining myself clearly* “So, one will just be coffee, and the other one will be coffee with one coffee…”

My Boyfriend: “Sugar! One with sugar, and one without! You’re saying coffee! Stop saying coffee!“

Me: *penny dropping* “Oh, my gosh, I’m so sorry. I was so adamant I was saying the right words.”

Barista: *laughing with a tangible look of relief* “You have no idea how relieved I am. I thought this was going to end with you yelling at me for not making your non-coffee coffee!”

(It worries me that her reaction suggests people do ask for this and expect her to do it.)