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Flying First Class Doesn’t Guarantee Class

, , , , | Right | CREDIT: Mother-Dimension876 | January 6, 2022

We’re heading out for a family vacation, flying first class for the first time. Our group has seven of the eight seats adjacent to the cockpit, with one stranger seated amongst us. And boy, did we find a doozy.

Right from the get-go, [Stranger] makes her presence known. We board with my father-in-law, who is in a wheelchair, to find that, for some reason, this lady boards the plane along with the “passengers that need additional time to board,” but she seems to be moving around just fine. It seems her motivation to do so was to pack her overhead compartment with her multitude of carry-on items. She also needs to use all of my compartment and half of someone else’s, too.

Okay, fine. Whatever. We can deal with it.

Then, the flight gets delayed for being short crew, and [Stranger] immediately starts demanding wine before we even leave the ground. As soon as the stewardess tells her no and walks off, she starts complaining to us.

Stranger: “First class is so s***ty with this airline!”

I’m already thinking, “Can you shut up already?” Then comes the inevitable:

Stranger: “We can just leave without the crew member, right?”

Apparently, she wasn’t paying attention because the missing crew IS THE FREAKING PILOT.

We are released back out to the terminal for a bit to stretch because the delay is so long, and we return to our seats to find my daughter’s seat occupied by [Stranger]’s friend who is flying economy. After we stand around and clear our throats several times to try to get their attention, it is obvious they have no awareness of anyone outside their bubble. After my daughter, my mother-in-law, and I all ask them to clear out, they FINALLY acknowledge that they’re in someone else’s seat.

After all this, we eventually get up in the air. Cue [Stranger] slamming glasses of wine. After the third glass, she’s obviously already drunk, because she then dumps the entire fourth glass of wine on my teenage daughter. SHE DOESN’T EVEN ACKNOWLEDGE THAT SHE DID IT. No sorry, no “here’s a napkin”. She just immediately starts demanding another drink from the flight attendant.

All the while, she’s keeping her mask down while she is drinking, but the second I take mine off to drink some water, this lady grabs my arm.

Stranger: “Put your mask back on!”

Are you serious? You’ll complain about a mask but you’re totally okay touching strangers? Okay, lady.

At that point, I finally told the stewardess about everything, and they stopped serving her, but she still spent the rest of the trip complaining about how s***ty this airline is and trying to talk to my daughter, who was legitimately worried this moron was going to puke on her. Poor kid.

There’s Really No Diplomatic Way To Handle This

, , , , , , , | Friendly | December 2, 2021

My son and I were on the last row of an airline flight. Three teens were in the seats across the aisle. They seemed quiet during the flight and I really didn’t pay attention to them. Then, it happened. They jumped up from their seats before the plane came to a stop at the gate.

Teen #1: “Let’s get out of here!”

There was no way in h*** I was going to let them rush to the front of the plane, so I stepped out into the aisle to block them.

Teen #2: “We’re late for our connecting flight!”

Me: “No, you’re not. The plane landed fifteen minutes early.”

Teen #3: *Shouting* “We’re diplomats!”

Me: “All three of you?”

Teens: “Yes, we’re diplomats!”

Me: “You mean you have a parent who is a diplomat?”

Teens: “No, we’re diplomats! We need to get to our connecting flight!”

Me: “You need to wait your turn like everyone else.”

Teen #3: *Shouting* “You’re being racist because we have brown skin!”

Me: “No, you’re in the back of the plane and need to wait like the rest of us.”

Teens: “BUT WE’RE DIPLOMATS! YOU’RE BEING RACIST!”

The teens then started crawling over the tops of all the seats, over people’s heads, toward the front of the plane. At some point, I lost track of them because my son and I had to gather our belongings. When we finally made it into the terminal, several airport staff, including security, had detained the teens and were explaining to them that they could not possibly be late for their connecting flight because we arrived early. One of the teens spotted me and started pointing vigorously at me.

Teen #3: “There she is! She wouldn’t let us pass! She’s being racist because we have brown skin! WE’RE DIPLOMATS!”

I explained the whole situation to security. They asked me if I wanted to press charges. Since none of the teens had actually touched me, I declined and went on my way.

A few minutes later, my son and I were sitting near our connecting gate, and guess who came laughing, scampering, and skipping through the terminal without a care in the world? The teens saw me and one took out a camera phone and started filming me. I just sat there, bemused. 

Teen #3: “Ooo, you’re in trouble now!”

I checked social media for a few days after that and never saw a viral story about some old white lady being racist. Go figure.

You Shall Not Boarding Pass!

, , , , , | Right | September 29, 2021

I board a plane and take my seat by the window. There are two empty seats beside me and two more across the aisle. The seats are labeled by row number and then by letter, so each row has ABC on one side and DE on the other. A woman with three girls boards. The mother looks at my row, her ticket, and the girls, and sighs heavily.

Mother: “That’s my seat.”

Me: *Standing* “Oh, I’m sorry, I—”

I look at the seat assignment and see that I am, in fact, in my own seat.

Me: “Oh, no, this is my seat.”

I sit down again.

Mother: *Loudly* “Can I get some help here? This girl won’t move out of my seat!”

Attendant: “Let’s see what we have here. Can I see everyone’s boarding pass?”

I hand over my boarding pass but the woman crosses her arms.

Mother: “I paid for a window seat. That’s my seat.”

Attendant: “Can I see?”

Mother: “She’s in my seat.”

Attendant: “Ma’am, if you would show me your boarding pass—”

Mother: “No! That is my window seat!”

The oldest girl speaks up.

Oldest Girl: “Mom, just show her so we can sit down.”

Mother: *To me* “You’re going to be sorry.”

She hands her boarding pass over with a flourish.

Attendant: “Yes, ma’am, you did pay for a window seat.”

Mother: “Ha!”

Attendant: “Over there.”

She points across the aisle.

Attendant: “You’re in E, not A.”

Mother: “What?”

She grabs the boarding pass and looks at the assignments again.

Mother: “Oh, A, E, big deal!”

Attendant: “Please take your seat, ma’am.”

Mother: “Fine!”

She pushes two of the girls into the opposite aisle and scoots in beside me.

Attendant: “Ma’am?”

Mother: “What?!”

Attendant: “Your window seat is over there. You’ll have to move.”

Mother: “Oh, my God!”

The woman got up and switched with the girl at the other window. I sent a silent thanks to the flight attendant, who gave me a subtle nod. I put my headphones in, so I don’t know if the woman caused more trouble, but as soon as we landed, she grabbed her daughters and pushed through the other waiting passengers to be one of the first people off the plane.

A First-Class Jerk

, , , , , | Right | May 30, 2021

I’m flying back from a sales conference in Vegas, and I am able to upgrade to a first-class seat. We have a very annoying sales VP that’s on the same flight. She is the snobby, entitled type who brags about having a full-time nanny and giant mansion in the suburbs, and she generally treats people who work for her like servants.

She sees me in a first-class seat as she is making her way to coach.

VP: “How did you get that seat?”

Me: “I used points to upgrade.”

As people are getting settled in, she makes her way back up to the first-class cabin.

VP: “I want to speak with the lead flight attendant.”

Lead Flight Attendant: “How can I help you?”

VP: “One of my underlings is sitting in first class, and I need to switch with him since I’m higher on the corporate ladder.”

The lead flight attendant can’t believe what he’s hearing, but she won’t take no for an answer. Finally…

Lead Flight Attendant: “Ma’am, you have to go back to her seat or you will be escorted from the plane.”

She trotted off back to coach after having made a complete a** of herself to the entire first-class cabin.

No Such Thing As Overinflated Kindness

, , , , , | Right | May 26, 2021

My sister and I are flying from New York to Texas. I’m a very nervous flyer and get massive anxiety. We are in the air when I feel a panic attack coming on. At that moment, my sister gets my attention.

Sister: “Uh, [My Name], is this normal?”

I look at her tray and the bag of chips she bought in the airport has inflated a crazy amount. I’ve never seen that happen before.

Sister: “I really want to eat them but I don’t know if it’s safe to open.”

Me: “I’m not sure either. We really don’t need it to pop.”

The flight attendant is coming around, and when she gives us our drinks, I ask about the bag.

Me: “She really wants to eat them, but we’re worried it’ll pop. Is it okay to open the chips?”

The flight attendant is so nice and assures us it will be okay as long as we open it slowly. We have a good laugh about it, and my sister is able to eat her chips. We spend a week in Texas, and on the plane ride home, my sister gets my attention.

Sister: “Hey, isn’t that the same flight attendant from the trip here?”

I look over and I’m not sure. We argue for a bit until the flight attendant comes over to us. 

Me: “Excuse me. I’m sorry if this is a weird question, but do you fly this route often?” 

Not surprisingly, the flight attendant gives me a confused look. 

Me: “A week ago today, my sister and I flew to Texas. See, she had this bag of chips that was really inflated and—”

The flight attendant cracks up.

Flight Attendant: “Yes! I remember you! You were sitting over there! Any over-inflated bags today?”

Me: *Laughing* “No, none today. We didn’t get any snacks from the airport.”

Flight Attendant: “That’s okay! What can I get you?”

The flight attendant gives us a handful of cookies and pretzels for free!

Me: “Oh, no, really, it’s okay!”

Flight Attendant: “You were so nice on the last flight and so nice today. This is the least I can do!”

To that flight attendant, thank you for making me laugh and forget I was flying because flying is my least favorite thing to do. You helped start and end an amazing trip and that ended up being the last time we saw our dad before he passed away.