Kids Can Keep You On Your Toes

| New Zealand | Related | July 3, 2014

(I’m sitting in-between my little sisters who are five and seven. Most of the plane is silent.)

Little Sister #1: “If humans had x-ray vision we wouldn’t need windows. We could just see through the walls!”

Me: *trying not to laugh* “That’s right.”

Little Sister #2: “Yeah. When they design the new humans they should have x-ray vision and make it so that the warm drink can go to your toes.”

Me: *confused* “What?”

Little Sister #2: “You know, when you have a hot drink, like a hot chocolate, and the warmness spreads across your chest? They should make it go down to your toes because they are always cold!”

(This conversation went on for a few minutes and the people in the rows near us all laughed their heads off.)

Not Hi In The Air

| Portland, OR, USA | Friendly | July 1, 2014

(My husband and I, and our two-year old daughter, are on a plane that stops in Portland. We stay on the plane, as almost everyone else gets off, walking past us since we’re in the front. As they go past, my daughter smiles and says ‘bye’ to every single person. Almost without exception, they at least say ‘bye’ back to her. In middle of this, the following occurs:)

Daughter: “Bye!”

Lady: *looks away, no response*

Daughter: “Bye, lady!”

(She is still looking away, turns her shoulder, and sighs. She’s clearly heard Daughter. She’s just not responding.)

Daughter: “Mommy! That lady didn’t say bye! Why didn’t she say bye? I said bye! Why won’t she say bye?”

Me: “Maybe she’s having a bad day, honey. Maybe she’s just not in the mood to say bye right now. She might be tired.”

(Meanwhile, there’s been a slowdown at the front of the plane. Everyone is standing still and the lady is trapped right next to us. Everyone around us is now glaring at the lady. Daughter turns to the next person.)

Daughter: “Bye!”

Next Person: “Bye! You are adorable, and SOME people are just rude!”

Lady: *stiffens, tosses head, glares at us, looks away, and stomps down the aisle away from us*

Daughter: “I did not like that lady. Bye!”

Everyone Around: “Bye!”

(She said ‘bye’ to every single person that got off, and then ‘Hi’ to every single person who got on. All of them answered her.)

Just Plane Crazy

| SK, Canada | Related | March 27, 2014

(Two men and I are all sitting in one row of an airplane. I’m tall and willowy, and my hair is dark red. The first man is also tall, but he’s heavy and broad-shouldered and his black hair is cut very short. The second man is a small, slight man with very thin grey hair and a mustache. The flight attendant comes by to offer us drinks.)

Me: “I’ll have a Coke.”

Man #2: “I’ll have a tonic water, but could I have the full can, please?”

Me: “Oh, yeah. I’d like the full can, too.”

Man #1: “I’ll have a cranberry juice, and I’ll take the can as well.”

Attendant: *jokingly* “Now see what you’ve done. You’ve got everyone started!”

Man #2: “It’s a nice change. They listen to me so rarely.”

(The attendant looks completely blank until I speak up.)

Me: “This is my dad and that’s my brother. Our mom comes from a tall family, and I dye my hair.”

Taking The Red Eye

| Orlando, FL, USA | Related | January 28, 2014

(I am 12 years old. My family is flying home after a vacation. Our hotel has an arcade in it, with tickets to exchange for prizes. I get just enough to get a toy eye that rolls around and will always look up. My mom tells me to not take it out on the plane, but I figure they’ll never know since our seats aren’t next each other. Unfortunately, it slips out of my hands and rolls off somewhere. My mom notices me fidgeting a little seeing if I can find it.)

Mom: “What’s wrong?”

Me: “I dropped my eye!”

Mom: “I told you not to take it out!”

(The passengers next to me start to look sick. I haven’t looked at them yet, so they seem to think it’s like a glass eye. You could also hear murmurs from the front of the plane of people discussing how someone can lose their eye. The flight attendant comes over.)

Flight Attendant: “Is there something wrong?”

Me: “I lost my eye!”

Can’t Make The Connection

| Chicago, IL, USA | Working | October 6, 2013

(I am flying to Tucson, AZ for college. After a layover at Chicago, we are taxiing to the runway.)

Flight Attendant: “Hey, turn your cell phone off! They all need to be off RIGHT NOW!”

Passenger: “My cell phone is off!”

Flight Attendant: “No, it needs to be all the way off. Hit the power button!”

Passenger: “But if I hit the power button, it’ll turn back on. It’s already off!”

Flight Attendant: “I’m not joking. Turn it off. All the way off. Hit that power button!”

Passenger: “What is wrong with you? I’m telling you it’s all the way off. OFF! The power button will turn it ON!”

Flight Attendant: “Look, I’m not playing games with you. If you don’t turn it off, we’re going back to the gate and throwing you off the aircraft. Your phone could interfere with aircraft systems, and we can’t have that. So hit the power button and turn it off. I’m not telling you again.”

Passenger: “But if I hit the power button, it’ll turn ON! If it’s on, it can interfere with the aircraft systems. Lady, it’s off, I promise you. You want to check it? Go ahead, check it.”

Flight Attendant: *to the senior flight attendant* “Tell the captain to take us back to the gate. I have an uncooperative passenger who won’t turn off her phone.”

Other Passengers: “We saw her turn it off! This is delaying us! Can we just go?”

Flight Attendant: “No, we’re going back to the gate! We can’t leave because your fellow passenger here won’t turn off her phone.”

Senior Flight Attendant: “Have you actually checked the phone yet?”

Flight Attendant: “Well, no. But I don’t need to. I know it’s on.”

Senior Flight Attendant: *to passenger* “May I see your phone, ma’am?” *checks the phone* “She’s right. The phone is powered off. Now, if you don’t mind, [Flight Attendant], I’m going to tell the captain to take us back. You need to be more careful about things like this.”

(We did end up departing only five minutes late, thankfully. And the passenger got an apology. Luckily, she was a better sport about it than the rest of us.)

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