A few years ago, I was flying to Canada for a trip. Midway through the flight, I was awakened by the person behind me kicking my seat. I thought it was a kid, so I ignored it.

After a few minutes of non-stop kicking, I turned around and saw that it was a guy in his mid-twenties.

Me: *Politely* “Can you please stop kicking my seat?”

I could hear him and his friends snickering, saying something in a language I did not understand. He stopped for a moment but then restarted.

So, I took my water bottle and slowly emptied half of it on top of his backpack, which was under my seat.

I heard him freak out when we landed, and it was satisfying as f***.

I am an air steward on a long international flight. A passenger has called me over.

Passenger: “Why have we stopped?!”

Me: *Genuinely confused* “Stopped what, ma’am?”

Passenger: “The plane!”

Me: “We haven’t.”

Passenger: “I’m looking out this window here, and we’re just sat here!”

I look out the window to see no clouds and an open quiet sea below.

Me: “Ma’am, we’re over the Atlantic at thirty-five thousand feet. If we stopped, you’d know about it.”

Sometimes I attribute certain questions or behaviors to new flyers, but that was a first!

I am a lead flight attendant for a UK airline. Today’s destination: Ibiza. A popular TikTok recently did the rounds in the base where a group of influencers basically showed no respect for the entire cabin — vaping, playing music loudly on a portable speaker, and just generally being a massive pain.

It’s not relevant to this story, but the idea of this happening again has us all on our feet.

We are just about to conduct the safety demonstration when a group of lads at the rear makes enough noise that I can hear them at the front. The first time I stop the safety demo, they quiet down, but after a few seconds, they pipe up again. The third time around:

Me: “Okay, gentlemen in the rear, since you have no concept of acceptable behaviour on a plane, then this is your very own personal briefing. You can consider this your last and final warning regarding the disturbance you are causing me and my colleague’s work at this time. If you interrupt one more time, I will guarantee that each and every one of you will be off the plane, and you will not be going to Ibiza. Am I making myself absolutely clear on that?”

Not a word.

Me: “Good.”

I allow my crew to finish the demo, and then I perform my final checks. I approach the problem rows and one of the lads — clearly the ringleader — jerks my hand into his and shakes it.

Lad: “That was the best demo I’ve ever seen, pal! Great job!”

The rest of his friends, each with the same s***ty haircut, all mockingly agree, giggling like f****** kids all the way through. I smile forcibly and then go to speak with the crew member who is responsible for this section of the plane.

Me: “Come with me a moment, please. Which rows were making all that ruckus earlier?”

My coworker points out three rows; unsurprisingly, this includes the earlier lad.

Me: “Great! So, this row, this row, and this row—” *points to those three rows* “—get absolutely no alcohol for the duration of today’s flight.”

The group suddenly stops laughing. Shocking how that works, isn’t it? I look each one dead in the eyes.

Me: “Yeah, ain’t so funny now, is it?”

Throughout the entire flight, I made sure that not one member of their group would get further encouragement. Of course, that didn’t stop them from asking repeatedly for the entire flight, even though it was only two hours tops. Of course, they could and should have been offloaded anyway, but watching them plead for the whole flight was so much more satisfying. 

Airline rules are there for a reason. Don’t be a p***k.

I’m a manager at an airline. I’m travelling for business and am wearing my uniform: a suit with a knee-length skirt and heels. I have bought an upgrade to business, and sitting next to me in the first row is a kid with his mom across the aisle.

When we first board, the mom and I talk for a bit; she tells me he’s her first child and that he’s three and a half years old, so I tell her about my kids, aka “mom talk.”

Since this is a long flight, I take short naps of about thirty minutes each, followed by equal periods of awareness. I am in the middle of one such nap when I feel someone trying to unbutton my blouse! I open my eyes and see the kid sitting by my lap. I turn toward his mom.

Me: “Can you get your son?”

Mom: “He’s just hungry. Do you mind covering with this blanket and popping one out for him?”

Me: “What are you talking about?”

Mom: “I just assumed you forgot your breast pumps at home, and that they must be killing you.”

Cue me staring at her in shock.

Mom: “Didn’t you say you had almost three-year-old triplets? Since we women breastfeed until our children are four, and you have a large chest, I thought you would appreciate the gesture.”

I called the cabin chief and told her what had happened, and she made them change seats to the last row in the class, so they’d be as far away from me as possible.

Craziest thing that ever happened to me.

I am American. My wife is English, and while she is in the visa process, we take turns visiting one another as often as we can. I have a genetic disorder that prevents me from metabolizing fats and an allergy to beta-carotene, which makes for a very restricted diet. As a result, I have come to accept that there is no way for an airline to reasonably accommodate my needs, so instead of assuming they will be able to provide me with a gourmet in-flight meal, I bring snacks I know I can eat.

In the middle of my trans-Atlantic voyage back to the United States, lunch is announced. We passengers are informed that all special meals will be passed out first, and then the cart will go down the aisle for everyone else.

I have never ordered a special airplane meal in my life, so I am a bit surprised when one of the flight attendants stops by my seat with a blue tray.

Flight Attendant #1: “Here’s your vegetarian meal!”

Me: *Confused* “I’m sorry, I don’t think this is for me.”

Flight Attendant #1: *Checks her list* “Yes, this is for your seat.”

Me: “I didn’t order a special meal, sorry. I’m pretty sure there’s been a mix-up.”

Flight Attendant #1: *Slowly* “Yes, you did.”

Me: “I… promise you I didn’t. I think it’s meant for someone else.”

Flight Attendant #1: “If you didn’t select it, you wouldn’t be on the list, so here you are!”

She tries to hand it to me, and I gently press it back.

Me: “No, sorry, I can’t eat it and don’t want it.”

Flight Attendant #1: *Now visibly irritated* “We have specially allocated the number of traditional meals with our special meals—”

Me: “Full disclosure, I probably won’t get that, either. I have weird dietary needs. Which brings us full circle; I can’t eat a vegetarian meal, soooo…”

Flight Attendant #1: “Well, I’ll just put it here in case you change your mind!”

She places it on my tray.

Me: “Oh. No. No, thank you.” 

I place it on the floor. She quickly picks it up.

Flight Attendant #1: “You can’t put anything on the floor of the aisle, ma’am—”

Me: “Look, I can’t roll down the window to toss it outside, so this seemed like a fair compromise. Please just take the meal to its rightful owner, or the compactor, or wherever it should go. But away from me is the highlight of this presentation.”

Unbeknownst to me, but as I learned immediately after, my seatmate had pressed the “call attendant” button at some point. A second flight attendant arrives. She looks at me, at her coworker, and back at me.

Flight Attendant #2: “May I help you?”

Me: “I think there’s been some confusion about a vegetarian meal? I promise, I didn’t select this. It doesn’t belong to me. Its princess is in another castle. Can it just… go away? Please?”

Flight Attendant #1: “I was just explaining—”

Flight Attendant #2: “Yes, of course! The regular meals will be through in a few minutes. I apologize for the confusion!”

[Flight Attendant # 2] gently pulled [Flight Attendant #1] away. I didn’t see her again until disembarking. I waved. She didn’t wave back.

Related:
Sometimes, The Customer Is Right. Really.