(I am signing with a deaf couple, asking them if they need help. Before they can reply, a customer interrupts me.)
Customer: *gasping* “You’re in a gang!”
Me: “What?”
Customer: “I saw you! You flashed them a gang sign!”
Me: *laughing* “No, ma’am, it’s ASL.”
Customer: “I don’t care what your gang is called. It’s people like you that make me scared to go out at night!”
(She leaves with her purchase, which turns out to be a shirt that says “B****es Get Stitches.”)
(I am a customer in a used car dealership looking to trade in my car. Another customer has been looking at my car for a few minutes.)
Customer: *to Salesman* “Can I test drive that green Saturn at the end of the lot?”
Salesman: “That’s a customer’s car. We don’t own it.”
Customer: “Okay. Can I test drive it?”
Salesman: “No.”
(I’m standing close by, laughing at the whole conversation, when my dad comes to tell me he found a nice car in my price range, so we go to look at it. Five minutes later, I go back to my car to see the same woman trying to pry the window down.)
Me: “Excuse me, what are you doing?”
Customer: “I want to test drive this car, but the salesman refuses to give me the keys!”
Me: “That’s my car. I own it.”
Customer: “Oh. I thought he was just saying that to spite me.”
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(I am a vampire at a haunted house. My costume includes fangs, a cape, and of course, I am drenched in blood.)
Teenage Girl: *looking extremely mad* “What is this?! They got your costumes all wrong!”
Me: *snarling, not dropping character* “You smell delicious… It’s so rare we get fresh victims…”
Teenage Girl: “No, no, no! Vampires drink ANIMAL blood! And why aren’t you sparkling?!”
Me: “Your neck… It’s so… inviting—”
Teenage Girl: “This is WRONG! You aren’t real vampires!” *stomps away*
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(I’m preparing bananas flambé in front of several customers. Suddenly, one of them speaks up excitedly.)
Customer: “Wow, that looks so cool! Are you using gasoline?”
(My girlfriend and I are coworkers at a retail store. She is bilingual, but Spanish is her native language. If you yell at her while speaking in English, she won’t understand what you’re saying. It will sound jumbled up to her.)
Girlfriend: “Okay, sir. That all rings up to $30.42.”
Customer: *yelling* “What? How the f*** is it that expensive?!”
Girlfriend: “I’m sorry. What did you say?”
Customer: “You little b****! You’re trying to cheat me out of my money!”
Girlfriend: “Sir, can you please not yell? I don’t understand what you’re saying.”
Customer: “Yes, you do, you liar! There’s no way it can cost that much!”
(At this point, my girlfriend is getting frustrated and calls me over to translate.)
Girlfriend: “Kaycee, please tell me what he’s saying.”
Customer: “This b**** is trying to cheat me out of money!”
Me: “Sir, she cannot understand you because you are yelling at her. If you would simply talk in a normal voice, she will understand you. Also, I’m looking on the screen at your items, and she is not trying to cheat you. Your total comes up to $30.42.”
Customer: “She understood me before!”
Me: “That’s because you were not yelling. She does not understand when people yell at her. Furthermore, accusing her of cheating you when she is not will not get you a lower price. You still have to pay the full price.”
Customer: “F*** that! I’m not paying that price!”
Me: “So, you had my girlfriend ring all your items up, and now you are refusing to pay for them because you don’t like the price?”
Customer: “That’s right! See if I ever shop here again!” *storms out of store*
