Someone Needs To Switch To Decaf
(I’m at the front bar of a certain coffee shop, in the middle of making a caramel macchiato. An old, angry, hovering customer approaches me.)
Customer: “What are you doing? I didn’t ask for caramel; I’m allergic! Are you trying to kill me?! I had to wait in line all this time and I can’t get a d*** coffee made right!”
Me: “Ma’am, this is a caramel macchiato. I’m sure this isn’t your drink. What did you have today?”
Customer: “I had a latte. I’ve been waiting for ten minutes!”
Me: “Ma’am, there’s a latte right here on the counter right next to your handbag.”
Customer: “Why didn’t you tell me? I’m late for my movie!”
Me: “Ma’am, I called the drink out three times; you were standing there the whole time.”
Customer: “You should have called louder!”
Me: “I’m sorry, I was practically yelling. I figured it was loud enough. Well, there you are, have a nice day.”
Customer: “YOU MADE ME LATE FOR MY F****** MOVIE!”
Another Customer: “You get the evilest people here, don’t you?”
Me: “LA’s finest. Here’s your macchiato. Have a nice evening.”
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