(I am having a rather large yard sale and am running around setting stuff up and trying to answer questions. An older woman flags me down, who is looking at a small “as-seen-on-TV,” easy-clean fish tank.)

Woman: “Hey, excuse me!”

Me: “Yes, how can I help you?”

Woman: “Does this tank include the fish?”

(I look down at the completely waterless fish tank sitting on the table with the few parts for it inside.)

Me: “Uh… no, but all the parts are there.”

Woman: “Okay, thanks… I was going to get it for my grandson, but it’s useless without the fish.”

(I had no problem selling it, even though the fish were not included.)

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(I work the night shift, which is usually when the ridiculous stuff happens. You have to be 21 to rent a room at this hotel, because we offer complimentary drinks with every reservation. This conversation happens at about 4:30 in the morning.)

Young Man: “Is there any way I can get a room here tonight?”

Me: “Sure! Our rate is [price].”

Young Man: “Yeah, sure, that’s fine.”

(He hands over his ID, and I see that he’s only 19.)

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, but you have to be 21 to rent a room here.”

Young Man: “Oh… Well, is there anything I can do about that?”

Me: “Er… I mean if you have someone 21 or over to check you in, but other than that, no.”

Young Man: “I mean, I have another ID…”

Me: “Dude, I already saw that you’re under 21. I could lose my job.”

Young Man: “Oh… Okay.”

(He wanders off towards the elevators. I have an idea that this isn’t over, so I keep an eye out. Sure enough, about ten minutes later, he and a young lady reappear and swiftly disappear into our pool area. The pool is closed, but there are bathrooms down there, too.)

Me: *over radio* “Front Desk to Security…”

(They had a fifteen-minute romp in the bathroom before security broke them up and gave them a stern talking-to about discretion. They were more embarrassed than anything, and the guy actually apologized to me on his way out the door. I almost felt bad for the c**k-block, but if another guest had found them I’d be the one getting the earful.)

(I’m out grabbing some lunch on my break at work. A girl of about 12 notices me in the aisle and starts staring at me. I have quite a striking appearance: bright orange dreadlocks down to my bum, lots of facial piercings, heavy makeup, and very visible tattoos on my head and neck. I’m also wearing a floor-length afghan coat.)

Girl: *taps me on the shoulder* “Err… You know you look really horrible, right?”

Me: “This is what you’ll look like if you don’t eat your veggies or do as you’re told in school.”

(She shot me a bug-eyed, worried look and sped off down the aisle. I tried looking for a parent to tell them what had just happened, and maybe to teach their child some manners, but I couldn’t see anyone. Rude children irritate me.)

(I am the customer in this story. I finally got my US permanent residency “green card” and was able to reunite with my husband after nearly a year of being separated. To celebrate, we go to a fancy restaurant in Denver the day after I arrive.)

Hostess: “Are we celebrating any special occasion? Birthday, anniversary?”

Me: *too excited* “IMMIGRATION!”

Hostess: *stunned pause* “Congratulations!”

(I don’t know if they ever heard that one before.)

(I work for a state-independent children’s welfare organisation, which relies on their support members to run an anonymous hotline for children to call when they’re in need of an adult to listen to them. We’re reliant on our members, so today I call around trying to make members increase their monthly support. Most people are very positive, as we make sure to thank them for their support, and praise them for the good work. In Denmark, we don’t say, “ma’am,” or, “sir,” to each other anymore unless we’re speaking to the Queen.)

Me: *talks about how far we’ve made it with the hotline, but that many children still call in our closing-time* “…so we want to be open 24 hours a day. Will you help support that?”

Member: “Why do you people call and call?! I am so sick and tired of it, and you’re losing customers because of it. Why do you continue?!”

Me: “Because we want to help children.”

Member: “Now you’re being very crude!”

Me: “I’m sorry you see it that way; I just presume you want to help children, too, since you’re a member.”

Member: “Well, then don’t be perfidious! I want you to pass it on that no one wants to be called! You’re losing members on this! JUST DO YOUR WORK!”

Me: “I will. Have a nice day.”

(Apparently, she wanted me to do my job and NOT do my job at the same time; also I was very rude because I wanted to help kids! I put her on a DO NOT CALL list.)