(It is New Year’s Eve, and it’s INSANELY busy in our hotel. It falls on a weekend this year, so more people are out to celebrate than usual, and at least half of them have brought their children, and probably their friends’ children, as well, since most of the rooms have between two and four kids in them, some even more. To make matters worse, due to it being the end of the year, corporate decided to meddle in our scheduling for budget reasons, and we are incredibly understaffed for the volume of people we are taking care of. There are a great many issues during the night, but one recurring one is towels. The pool is forever running out of towels. One of the many guests approaches my desk.)

Guest: “Excuse me! Why aren’t there any towels in the pool?! How does a hotel run out of towels?!”

(She has four children in tow. Each one has a towel around their waist and one over their shoulders and a few have a third on their heads)

Me: *in as even a voice I can muster* “I don’t know, ma’am. I’ll get right on that.”

(We actually ran out of towels because most people were taking the dirty ones to their rooms and leaving them there, instead of putting them in the hamper by the pool, so there weren’t even any available to wash. Thankfully, it was only in the last hour of the night that we ran entirely out.)

(This happens just a few days after Christmas. The phone rings and I give my usual greeting.)

Caller: *in a very loud and drawn-out voice* “Hello. My wife…”

(There is a moment of silence.)

Me: “Hello?”

Caller: “My wife. She opened up the back. She opened the door and threw the Christmas outside the back.”

(He starts to laugh like he is drunk.)

Me: “Is there anything you needed from the store, sir?”

Caller: “A CHRISTMAS TREE!”

Me: “We don’t have trees here, but you can try [Home Improvement Chain] nearby. Have a good night.”

Caller: “Oh, okay, thank you.”

(The next day I’m next to a manager when they answer the phone and I hear this:)

Manager: “You do know you’ve called a grocery store, right? That’s not our problem. Good day.”

(He hangs up. It was the same guy. Then, on New Year’s Eve, I’m near a new manager when they answer the phone:)

Manager: “Okay, thanks for telling us. Goodbye.”

(Turns out this guy had been calling once a day to make the same call. Whether he was under the influence or pranking us, I’ll never know.)

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(I am a fast-food worker with a bit of a reputation of being good with words, especially coming up with parody lyrics. I work at a family-owned business, not a chain. My boss asks me to make a parody of a Christmas song as a holiday advertising stunt. I pick “Twelve days of Christmas.” Here are those lyrics:)

“On the twelfth day of Christmas, I ordered at [Restaurant]:
Twelve eggnog milkshakes,
Eleven cappuccinos,
Ten bacon doubles,
Nine strips with tartar,
Eight turtle sundaes,
Seven giant popcorns,
Six quarts of chocolate,
Five onion rings!
Four Snickers storms,
Three large fries,
Two chili dogs,
And an order of nachos with cheese!”

(However, inspired by this, I also come up with a version from an employee’s perspective.)

“On the twelfth day of Christmas, the drive-thru gave to me:
Twelve giant trailers,
Eleven window tappers,
Ten noisy engines,
Nine quiet talkers,
Eight shouting children,
Seven cups of pennies,
Six separate orders,
Five cars in line!
Four cards declined,
Three add-ons,
Two cars out back,
And a customer b****ing at me!”

(I work at an outdoor park that has a lot of rides for kids, including bouncy castles, carousels, and things like that. It’s term time, so we’re quiet, and it’s been raining heavily for the last day. My manager puts me on the bouncy castles, but gives me a bag of kid’s toys to make up while I’m down there. This is quite normal practice at times when it isn’t busy. The bouncy castles have signs on each end warning customers that they’re wet when it rains. I’m keeping an eye on them, but mainly concentrating on making up the toys since we restock heavily during quiet times. A man comes up to me with his daughter, quite well-spoken and dismissive. He’s wearing a membership wristband for the park.)

Man: “You could have told me the bouncy castles were wet! I sat on one, and I’m soaked now!”

Me: “Oh, I’m very sorry, sir. It has been raining for the last day or so, and unfortunately, they don’t dry out that fast. We warn you on the signs there—“ *points* “—and there—“ *points*

Man: “Well, I didn’t see them! I need to go home and change now!”

(He leaves. Maybe if I hadn’t been making up the toys I’d have noticed him and warned him, but he was fairly warned, and he’d only really got the leg of his jeans damp. Half an hour later I’m radioed up to the office by my manager.)

Manager: “[My Name], do you have your phone with you?”

(We get fired on the spot if we have our phones on us on duty, and so lockers are provided for staff.)

Me: “No. I can show you in my locker.”

Manager: “Yes, please. I’m sure you wouldn’t, but we have to check.”

(I open the locker for my manager, and sure enough, the phone is there.)

Manager: “Oh, thank goodness. I wouldn’t have wanted to let you go. It’s just we had this gentleman come up and say you hadn’t warned him about the bouncy castles being wet because you were hunched over on your phone, not paying attention.”

Me: “No, no, I was making up those toys as you asked.”

Manager: “Don’t worry; I believe you. He demanded we give him a free change of clothes from the gift shop. We do have signs down there warning it’s wet!”

Me: “That’s what I told him!”

(I went back to work, and I am still employed at the park to this day. But the man was a member, which means he likely visits a lot and knows the staff policy on phones. So, out of embarrassment over getting a bit wet, or some kind of wounded pride over being corrected by a younger man, he tried to get me sacked. The daughter he was with didn’t seem the slight bit discomfited, but if she was a bit older she might have been embarrassed for her dad.)

(I’m out grabbing some groceries when I notice that the Girl Scouts have a table set up outside selling cookies. I decide to buy some to bring home to my husband as a treat since I know he’s had a rough week.)

Me: “Hi. Can I take two boxes of these, please?”

(The little girl serving me smiles and takes the last two boxes of Thin Mints off the table in front of her, while another little girl turns and begins pulling out a new case to put up. Before she can, however, a woman in line behind me explodes.)

Woman: *in a high-pitched, hysterical voice* “You’re out of Thin Mints?! Unacceptable. UNACCEPTABLE! THIS IS RIDICULOUS!”

(She turns and storms off, ranting loudly.)

Little Girl: *looks at me with wide, shocked eyes* “I… I was putting out a new case. Right now.”

Me: “Sorry, miss. Welcome to retail.”

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