(I work in a store with mostly clothes and a few accessories and toys. On this day I sell a woman a scarf with no problem and she leaves with her daughters. Ten minutes later, she’s back at my register.)

Customer: “Hi. My daughter saw a scarf she liked better, so we’d like to return this.”

(I call my team lead because I don’t have authority to return money. I can process it but I need my lead to swipe their employee ID to finish it.)

Me: *processes return in register* “Next time, you can just do an exchange for the new item, and the other store will get the item back to us.”

(One of my team leads comes and finishes the return and leaves.)

Customer: “I’m sorry, we can just do that, then. I didn’t know we could.”

Me: “Don’t worry; it’s all done. I just wanted to save you time next time.” *asks her to fill out information that’s just company policy for loss prevention*

Customer: “But I didn’t hand you my card?”

Me: “You did not, but I don’t need it.”

Customer: “How did you get my account number?”

Me: “I scanned your original receipt, and the register got the card info from there. It automatically puts it back on.”

(I showed her the new receipt of the return.)

Customer: “This is the best return I’ve ever done!”

(She left in awe of my register because it knew to put the money back on her card.)

(I’m at a grocery store with my brother. We’re only getting some ice so we’re paying with cash. I’m the stupid customer here.)

Me: *hands money to cashier*

Cashier: *gives a dollar back in change, though we should have gotten some coins back, as well*

Brother: *looks questioningly at me*

Me: *whispering* “Let’s just go.” *I didn’t want to make a fuss out of less than a dollar*

(A few minutes later I tell my mom what happened.)

Mom: “There’s a machine the coins drop out of. You were supposed to take them yourself instead of the cashier handing them to you.”

Me: “Oh.”

(I felt very stupid and a little ashamed for thinking the cashier was trying to take our money.)

(I’ve been working in retail for many years, including owning my own store, and have made a habit of being friendly and cheerful no matter how I may be feeling at the time. I decide to hold a yard sale one Saturday. A sweet elderly lady and her daughter are checking out the offerings. The senior lady comes up to me and pays for a cream and sugar set. She smiles at me, then says:)

Lady: “You’re such a happy person! Are you a Christian?”

Me: “I’m sorry, no.”

(The lady stands there staring at me for a bit, and I’m nervous that she’s going to fling the china back at me. Then she gives me a big smile and says:)

Lady: “Well, God blesses you, anyway!”

(And she wandered off.)

Me: “Hello! Thank you for calling [Tech Support]. This is [My Name]; how may I help you?”

Customer: “My computer will not turn on. I press the power button and nothing happens.”

Me: “All right. Is the computer plugged in?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Okay. What is the computer plugged in to?”

Customer: “You need to ask that?”

Me: “The last guy tried to plug the computer into his toaster.”

Customer: “It’s plugged into my power strip.”

Me: “Okay. What is this power strip plugged into?”

Customer: *pause* “The power strip.”

Me: “Sir, it’s a fire hazard to have more than one power strip’s worth of devices plugged into one socket.”

Customer: “No… I only have one power strip. Sorry, I’m a dumba**.”

Me: “That’s not as uncommon a mistake as you might expect, sir.”

(I actually keep track of this call, and when I get it, I tell them how many other people make this mistake. I am up to 62.)

(I work in a donut shop.)

Me: “Hi. What can I get for you today?”

Customer: “Can I have a Boston cream?”

Me: “Sure! Sprinkles or no sprinkles?”

Customer: “DO I LOOK LIKE A F****** CHILD!?”

Me: “…”

Customer: “WHY WOULD I WANT SPRINKLES?! I’M NOT A F****** CHILD!”

Me: “Um… I’m just doing my job; I have to ask.”

Customer: “WELL, I’M NOT A F****** CHILD! I DON’T WANT SPRINKLES!”

Me: “Okay.” *silently hands them their donut without sprinkles*

(Sadly, this is not the worst conversation I’ve had with a customer this week.)