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Bet You Dollars To Donuts You’re Not The First To Quit

, , , | Working | December 9, 2021

I have a cleaning job, but it’s only part-time, so I figure I’ll take a second job. I apply at a well-known donut shop as a decorator and get the job. My job is to take the donuts after they’re fried and make them look pretty with icing, so I do. All of a sudden, my manager starts freaking out.

Manager: “This lady is mad because her order wasn’t ready! Why isn’t it ready?”

Me: “Did she order the specialty? They use cake and there weren’t any, so—”

Manager: “No! You were going too slow!”

Me: “But there aren’t any cake donuts made. How was I to make it with no donuts?”

Manager: “But she was mad!

No matter how I tried to reason with her, she kept blaming me for being too slow. Then, she admitted that she was bad with timing. Nooo, really? I decided to quit. Sadly, this isn’t the first time a donut shop had a weirdo for management. I guess they attract crazies. I decide to stick with cleaning. Personally, I’d rather clean a dirty toilet than be unfairly treated.

And Now I’m Craving Donuts, Too. Thanks.

, , , , , , , | Related | October 19, 2021

One night while we are doing dishes, my wife mentions really having a craving for donuts from a certain shop she likes that’s a bit of a drive away from our house. I decide I want to be nice and surprise her, so I get up early and drive to the donut shop. While I’m waiting in line, my father walks in.

Me: “Hey, what are you doing here?”

Dad: “[Mother] mentioned she was craving donuts from here and I got up early to surprise her. What about you?” 

Me: “[Wife] was craving donuts.”

Just then, my brother-in-law walks in and is surprised to see us.

Me: “Let me guess, [Sister] was craving donuts?”

He nods.

Me: “Just out of curiosity, do you guys start drooling when you hear bells like I do?” 

Turns out my wife, mom, and sister had gone out to lunch the day before and all of our “surprises” weren’t as much our idea as we had thought.

Birds Of A Feather… Don’t Want To Be Touched!

, , , , , , , | Friendly | June 4, 2021

I am visiting family in San Diego right when all the restrictions are lifted and I happen to have my blue and gold macaw, Wendy, with me. Wendy likes to travel and goes almost everywhere with me. She is very funny and polite. However, there is one caveat: for whatever reason, she does NOT like men. She won’t actively attack a man, but she does freak out when one comes near her and she’s not expecting it or she doesn’t know him.

We stop at a donut shop. I am feeding Wendy a piece of blueberry donut. She is on my shoulder, minding her own business, enjoying her treat, when all of a sudden I can feel her rock back, dig her talons into my flesh, and let out a little yell. I turn and some drunk lady has decided to take it upon herself and pull on my bird’s long tail. As if that isn’t an issue enough, once Wendy turned to investigate, the lady’s very tall boyfriend happened to be there and that’s when Wendy really freaked out.

Me: “Don’t touch my bird!”

Drunk Woman: *Whining* “Buuuut I just wanna pet it.”

Me: “You don’t just grab someone’s pet without asking.”

My sister interjects to try to keep the peace.

Sister: “Plus, she’s afraid of men.”

Drunk Boyfriend: *Gesturing to the lady* “Clearly, she is a female.”

Me: “Clearly, you are not.” 

Don’t touch someone’s animal without asking, and don’t get shocked when you get yelled at when you do.

Wendy was unharmed and enjoyed the rest of her treat.

Caramel Hell

, , , , | Right | April 25, 2021

We have a choice of white, chocolate, or caramel frosting. At least once a day, someone asks for the milk chocolate while pointing to the caramel donuts, which are clearly labeled as caramel.

Me: “Sir, that’s actually caramel. We only have one kind of chocolate.”

Customer: *Pointing at the caramel donuts and getting agitated* “That milk chocolate one! Right there!”

Me: “That’s the caramel. The only chocolate ones we have are these.” *Pointing to the actual chocolate donuts*

Customer: “No! What’s the matter with you?! You have dark chocolate and milk chocolate. I can see it right there! I don’t want dark chocolate; I want milk chocolate. You don’t even know what kind of donuts you sell!”

As he’s raising his voice and turning red in the face, I just give him the caramel donut he’s asked for. I watch him bite into it, and I see that he finally understands.


This Concept Should Not Be This Difficult

, , , , , | Right | February 12, 2021

We work in a donut kiosk at a service centre. Due to a blackout, none of the fast food shops can cook or sell food. We can, but we can’t open our till or use the register, so we’re using a small box with some change. People are grumpy when they find out they can’t get their choice of food, and that the only food option is us.

Customer #1: “I’ll have [two flavours].”

Me: “Due to the blackout, we can only accept cash. Is that okay?”

Customer #1: “Yes.”

Me: “Okay, your total is [total].”

They hand over their card.

Me: “I’m sorry, we can’t use the register due to the blackout.”

Customer #1: “They just told me the same thing over there! Why can’t I use my card anywhere here?”

Me: “There’s a blackout. No one has electricity. We can only accept cash.”

Customer #1: “I don’t have cash.”

Me: “Well, then, you can’t buy doughnuts. Have a good day.”

Another customer makes an order and pays me in cash, which I put in the cash box. A while later, she comes back.

Customer #2: “Um, I know you are only taking cash right now, but I saw that girl—” *points to coworker* “—put the coins under the counter.”

Me: “We’re keeping our cash box out of reach of customers, ma’am.”

Customer #2: “Hmm…”

She wandered away from the counter but took photos of us “hiding” the money. We got a call from our boss the next day after a complaint was made to head office.