(I’m about nine years old, and lining up for lunch. Because my lunches are packed by my parents I use a different door to the people getting school lunches. Lining up with everyone else, I notice a teacher at the front of the line wearing rubber gloves, going through the lunches of the people trying to get in. She has a bin next to her. When I get to the front of the line, the teacher snatches my bag off me before I can get in.)

Me: “Um, what are you doing?”

Teacher: *rooting around in my bag* “Looking for nuts; they aren’t allowed anymore.”

Me: “I hate nuts! I don’t have any. Can I go in?”

Teacher:  *ignoring me and taking out my sandwich* “What’s in here?”

Me: “[Famous brand of hazelnut chocolate spread], I think.”

Teacher: “That has nuts in it.”

(The teacher then unceremoniously drops my sandwiches in the bin.)

Me: “I need to eat that! I’m hungry!”

Teacher: “Nuts are banned. You should have thought about that!” *holds up small bag of chocolate chip cookies* “How about these?” *reads packet* “Ah, ‘contains nuts.'”

(She proceeds to drop my cookies in the bin as well.)

Me: “That’s my food!”

(Completely ignoring me, the teacher looked in my bag again, then seemingly satisfied she handed it back. Sitting down, I found to my horror that I only had a drink and an apple left. When I got home, I told my parents the whole story, causing them to phone the school in anger. They weren’t the only ones; so many people complained that I never heard about that rule again!)

(I’m confronted by a customer with an extremely high-pitched voice and impenetrable Highland accent. This is one of those tiny old Scottish women with a headscarf nailed on and muscles like steel wires. They are a common sight in the East of Scotland, and are almost immortal. Only the slow action of the wind off the north sea will gradually erode them.)

Me: “That will be £[amount], please.”

Old Lady: “Areyenamerican?”

Me: “I beg your pardon?”

Old Lady: “Ah sid, are ye Namerican?”

Me: “I’m sorry, I missed that.”

Old Lady: “Are… ye… an… American?”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. I misheard you. No, I’m English.”

Old Lady: “Oh… why?”

(I have spent much of the last three years trying to come up with a satisfactory answer. As yet I have made no progress.)

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(I work at a grocery store. I have just finished ringing up a customer who bought a few food items and some plants.)

Me: “Okay. That will be [amount].”

Customer: “Do you think I should get paper or plastic for my plant?”

Me: “Either one will work, ma’am. Which one would you prefer?”

Customer: “You’re just a sourpuss. Aren’t you?”

Me: “I’m sorry. What are you saying?”

Customer: “You’re such a sourpuss. I just asked you a simple question. You’re being so rude to me!”

(The customer grunts and walks over to the customer service desk. I overhear her talking to my manager.)

Customer: “That girl over there is a SOURPUSS! A SOURPUSS, I TELL YOU!”

(The manager comes back and delivers the items to the customer. She walks out the door with a sneer on her face.)

Customer: *screaming as she leaves* “SOURPUSS!”

(My mom is ordering us lunch at a popular fast food chain.)

My Mom: “I’d like a number 2 with a diet iced tea, and a number 3 with a Diet Coke.”

Employee: “Okay, that’ll be $8.75.”

My Mom: *hands employee $10.75*

Employee: “Here’s your change. have a nice day!”

My Mom: “You only gave me back $1 instead of $2.”

Employee: “No, the change is $1.”

My Mom: “Here’s the receipt you just gave me. It even says the change is $2.”

Employee: *looks at receipt, confused* “But… I gave you $1.”

My Mom: “Well, you owe me $1 more.”

Employee: “I gave you a $1 already.”

Me: “$10.75 minus $8.75 equals $2. You only gave her $1, so you owe her another $1.”

(The employee runs off with a look of confusion on her face and gets the manager. The manager looks at the receipt, and then back at my mom.)

Manager: “So, my employee gave you $1 already. What seems to be the problem?”

My Mom: “She still owes me another $1. The total was $8.75, I gave her $10.75, she only gave me back $1 in change. So, I’m still owed another $1.”

Manager: “I really don’t understand. She already gave you $1.”

My Mom: *sighs* “If you get out a calculator, you’ll see that $10.75 minus $8.75 does indeed equal $2. So, since I was only given $1, I’m still owed another $1.”

Manager: “You already got your change! Is there anything else I can help you with today?”

My Mom: “Just give me my receipt. I’ll call tomorrow.”

(We called back the next day and asked for the owner. The owner gave us a $30 gift card for our trouble!)

A couple of years ago, my dad discovered that there was a hole in the roof. He could stand in the hallway and look right up into the sky through the hole. This was at the beginning of September, and the weather forecast mentioned heavy rain that afternoon.

As Dad always wants to support businesses in their tiny hometown, he called the only roofer in town listed in the phone book.

Dad: “Hi, I’m [Dad] at [address]. There is a hole in my roof that needs to get fixed.”

Roofer #1: “Uh-huh. I can drop by in May.”

Dad: “May? That’s eight months from now. I can see the sky through this hole and it needs to be fixed ASAP.”

Roofer #1: “Okay, so, see you in May, then.”

Dad: “Absolutely not. Bye.”

Dad was not happy when he consulted the phone book again and called a roofer in a neighbouring town.

Dad: “Hi, I’m [Dad] at [address] in [Town]. There is a hole in my roof that needs to be fixed.”

Roofer #2: “Oh, that doesn’t sound good at all. I could— Wait, did you say [address]?”

Dad: “Yep.”

Roofer #2: “I’m over at [Parallell Street] on a job. My lunch break is in half an hour. I’ll drop by and check your roof then if that’s okay with you.”

Dad: “Sounds good!”

The roofer came over and agreed that the hole needed to be fixed ASAP. He called again right after his lunch break.

Roofer #2: “Hi again. So, your roof needs to be fixed urgently. We are basically done here, and what’s left is just cosmetic. I want to fix your roof before this incoming rainstorm. I’ve talked to the homeowner here, and we agreed to finish his roof tomorrow, instead. He was very eager to help out a neighbour in need.”

My dad has been recommending one of these roofers ever since — the other, not so much.

But it was quite the coincidence that the good roofer was working so close and could drop by basically right away.

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