(I’m taking a load of grocery carts in the parking lot. The lot is pretty full, and I notice a large pickup truck and a shiny blue SUV flanking an empty space labeled ‘Compact.’ A female driver in a compact car carefully edges her car into the empty space, then gets out. The male driver of the blue SUV, who has been sitting inside, gets out a moment later.)

Male Driver: “Hey! Hey, lady, you need to be more careful!”

Female Driver: “Why?

Male Driver: “You could have scratched my paint!”

Female Driver: “What? I didn’t touch your car.”

Male Driver: “But you could have scratched my paint! You shouldn’t try to park in spaces that are this small if you can’t be more careful.”

(I should note that the small car is well within the lines of her parking space, whereas the SUV is halfway over his.)

Female Driver: “I didn’t scratch your car.” *starts to walk away*

Male Driver: *grabs her shoulder* “Who’s your insurance? I want to talk to your insurance!”

Female Driver: “I didn’t touch your car, so I’m not giving you any of my information!”

Male Driver: “But you could have scratched it! I might scratch my car on yours when I back up, and you’ll have to pay for it!”

(She’s clearly trying to get away from him, so at this point I walk over and intervene.)

Me: “Sir, if you hit this lady’s car when you’re backing out, you’d be the one at fault, so you’d be the one paying for it.”

Male Driver: *turns to me* “This is YOUR fault! Your parking lot is too small. Your spaces are too small! My paint might get scratched!”

Female Driver: “Look, mister, if you think the spaces are too small, maybe you shouldn’t have parked your freaking SUV in a COMPACT space!”

Male Driver: *turns red and goes quickly back to his car*

(A customer has picked something up to go (that my coworker prepared) all the while complaining. Apparently she had ordered food from another diner by accident and was angry when we didn’t have her food ready for her. My coworker quickly took her order and got her the food. 10 minutes later the phone rings and I am closest to the front.)

Me: “Thank you for calling. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

(My voice is very bubbly. In a fake bubbly voice the customer starts yelling.)

Customer: “Well, hi, [My Name]! This is the customer who wanted a pastrami melt but who got a patty melt!”

Me: “I am so sorry, ma’am. If you would like to come back I can give you refund?”

Customer: “Oh, sure! Because I just love driving all over town! My husband and I are coming in and sitting down to eat!”

(She hangs up. When she comes in, I decide to put her in my section so my coworker doesn’t have to deal with her anger. She immediately starts yelling and answers everything I say sarcastically while her husband watches on. I go to get her drinks and when I come back she looks embarrassed.)

Customer: “I would like to apologize. My husband asked me if you were the one that had helped me before and when I said no he asked ‘well, what are you yelling at the girl for?’ I’m sorry.”

(I was shocked. I told her not to worry, got her food out, was very attentive, and they left an excellent tip. I guess it goes to show that we all have bad days.)

(This is at a midnight showing of a newly released Star Wars movie.)

Me: “When the doors open, please go in and take your seats. You will not be allowed to save seats for people further back in line.”

(A customer waves his hand in the air like a Jedi.)

Customer: “You will let us save seats.”

Child: “What’s the Cretaceous period?”

Mother: “Something scientists made up.”

Me: *chiming in* “It’s the third period that the dinosaurs lived in. It was from about 140-65 million years ago.”

Child: “Really?”

Mother: “The Cretaceous period is just something that scientists made up to dispute Christ.” *turns to face me* “But we won’t get into that.”

This story is part of the Children-Behaving-Better-Than-Their-Parents roundup!

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(I have just got a new boyfriend, and we are both 23 years old. We’re shopping at a store when we see someone run into a display, knock it on the floor, and run away. We decide to help by picking things up.)

Boyfriend: “Huh? Do you know what these are?” *shows me condoms*

Me: *a little tense* “Uh… just put them back.”

Boyfriend: “Okay.”

(Later we go outside to the street.)

Me: “Alright, listen. I do not appreciate you teasing me about condoms. I’m not that type of person, and we’ve only been dating for two weeks.”

Boyfriend: “Why would I tease you? I was just asking what it is because I don’t know.”

Me: “…seriously?”

Boyfriend: “What’s the matter?”

Me: “You… really do not know what condoms are?”

Boyfriend: “I don’t know everything. Why are you hounding me on asking a simple question?”

Me: “Well, I’m surprised. But if you don’t know, then let’s forget this. Go look up what a condom is on the internet or something.”

(It is later in the day, and we’re at our respective homes.)

Boyfriend: “Now that was pretty gross.”

Me: “What?”

Boyfriend: “What you told me to look up. I had no clue how people have babies before today!”

Me: “…wait, you didn’t even know that?”

Boyfriend: “Everyone told me storks brought babies.”