Me: “Thank you for calling [Hotel]. This is [My Name]. How may I assist you today?”

Customer: “What time do you stop room service?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t offer room service.”

Customer: “What’s up with that?”

Me: “We don’t have a kitchen in the hotel.”

Customer: “Well, y’all need to get one!”

Me: “You’re right. I will start filing for permits and hiring subcontractors and have the kitchen built before you arrive.”

Customer: “That’s great! You truly offer excellent customer service!”

This story is part of our Weird Hotel Guests roundup!

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(I work at a store that is open 24/7, and only closed for 36 hours out of the entire year. Around EVERY holiday, there is someone who calls the store wondering if the store is open. This past 4th of July, I decided to have a little fun with it.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, I was wondering if you guys were open today?”

Me: “No, I’m the only one here to answer the phone.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, I’m out in the parking lot and there are a lot of cars parked out here.”

Me: “Yeah, I like to drive a lot.”

This story is part of the Humorless Customers roundup!

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Customer: *to her boyfriend* “Don’t ask him. He’s the one who said he liked that other movie!”

Me: “Um, I’m sorry? What movie did I say I liked before to you?”

Customer:  “You said that In Bruges was good.”

Me: “Um, yeah. I actually really liked that movie. What was wrong with it?”

Customer: “It was sad, and there was a lot of blood in it!”

Me: “…and?”

Customer: “You didn’t tell me there was going to be blood!”

Me: “Ma’am, I told you it was a movie about hitmen.”

Customer: “So?!”

Me: “If I can just get your signature there…”

Elderly Customer: *scribbles his name, then starts drawing on the counter*

Me: “Uh… sir?”

Elderly Customer: *starts drawing up the side of the cash register*

Me: “Sir? You just… sign your name.”

Elderly Customer: *doodles in the air, up and up… and then jabs me in the forehead with the pen and tries to draw on my face*

Me: *Jerking back violently.* “What the h***?”

Elderly Customer: “Reactions like that would have gotten you killed in the war!”

This story is part of the Customers-Who-Make-You-Say-WTF roundup!

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(It is Halloween; I am wearing clown makeup, a bright pink wig, and a bright orange shirt with our store’s logo on it in a HUGE font. A woman with a Bible in one hand and a cross in another comes up to me.)

Woman: “Do you work here?”

Me: “…yes.”

Woman: “YOU WILL ALL BURN IN HELL FOR SELLING THESE ITEMS CELEBRATING SATAN’S HOLIDAY!” *turns to customers* “…AND YOU WILL BURN FOR SUPPORTING THEM!”

Manager: *over loudspeaker* “Thank you for shopping at [Store]! All items are now 6.66% off for the next 6 minutes, 66 seconds. Thank you, and have a nice day!”

This story is part of our Devilish Halloween roundup!

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