(An elderly woman drives up in her Mercedes and asks about our services.)
Woman: *in her Mercedes, after hearing prices* “These car washes aren’t expensive enough!” *drives away*
Manager: “I would’ve charged her more if she asked.”
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(A customer had a complaint about his food. He refused to let the woman working the register help him.)
Man: “I want to talk to a manager.”
Female Employee: “Yes, sir.”
(The employee gets a shift manager to help her.)
Shift Manager: “Can I help you, sir?”
Man: “No, I want a manager!”
Shift Manager: “I am a shift manager, sir.”
Man: “I want to see the store manager!”
Shift Manager: “Uhm, okay, sir, I’ll be right back.”
(I was in the office working on the crew schedules for the next week. Shift Manager comes in and asks me to deal with the customer. She didn’t need to explain. I’d heard it all… He was very loud. I went to help deal with the situation.)
Me: “Can I help you, sir?”
Man: “I want to see a f****** God-d*** manager! Where’s the f****** store manager?”
Me: “I am the store manager, Sir.”
Man: “I want to speak to a male manager!”
Me: “Sir, all of my shift managers are female. As, clearly, am I.”
(Actually, every person working that day was female.)
Man: “I demand to speak to your d*** f***ing boss!”
Me: “I can get you a number so you can call my district manager, sir. Will that be okay?”
Man: “Finally! DO IT NOW!”
Me: “Yes, sir. Just a second.”
(I go into my office and grab one of the district manager’s cards.)
Me: “Here you are, sir. If you give HER a call, I’m sure SHE will be happy to help you.”
(I thought he was going to have a heart attack after that. Purple was definitely not his color.)
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I work at a gourmet sandwich company. We can make sandwiches for delivery, pickup, or sit-down. We often get calls from a lot of stoners that want their sandwiches delivered. Probably for “munchies.” It’s about 4 pm on Saturday when I get this call.
Me: “Welcome to [sandwich shop], this is [My Name]. How can I help you?”
Stoner #1: “Hey… yeah…”
Me: “How can I help you today, sir?”
Stoner #1: “What?”
Me: “Would you like to order something?”
Stoner #1: “Yes…”
(After about two minutes of silence…)
Me: “Hello? Are you still there, sir?”
Stoner #1: “Yeah, I’m waiting for you to like, ask me what I want.”
Me: “…Okay, what would you like?”
Stoner #1: *tells me his order*
Me: “Would you like anything else with that?”
Stoner #1: “Yeah… get me a cookie.”
(At this point, I hear a plethora of other stoners in the background.)
Stoner #2: “Cookies!? Where?”
Stoner #1: *laughing* “Dude, I’m on the phone with the cookie company!”
(Now I can hear [Stoner #2] grab the phone and he begins talking to me.)
Stoner #2: “Hey, cookie company? Make that two cookies!”
Stoner #3: “Four cookies! I want two!”
Stoner #2: “SIX COOKIES!”
Me *trying not to laugh* “Okay, sir, will that be all?”
Stoner #2: “Yeahhhhhh.”
Me: “Will that be for pickup or delivery?”
Stoner #2: “Delivery…” *gives address*
Stoner #1: “DUDE, WHAT IF SHE’S A NARC?”
Stoner #2: “S***! You know that address I just gave you? I lied about it!”
(Now I decide to have a little fun with them, considering they wasted my time.)
Me: “Okay, but as a little treat, I’m going to have it delivered anyway. My car will be the one with red and blue flashing lights that reads P-O-L-I-C-E on the side.”
Stoner #2: “A car with lights? That’s awesome!”
Stoner #1: “Dude, she means the police!”
Stoner #2: “S***!” *click*
(We ended up delivering to them anyway because TECHNICALLY they never canceled their order. Our delivery guy came back with the full order, telling us that someone answered the door to tell him no one was home.)
(A customer comes up to the counter to drop off laundry. Without warning, she sticks her hand into my cereal bowl, grabs a handful, and starts crunching. A confused look crosses her face.)
Customer: “What on earth is this?”
Me: “That’s my breakfast.”
Customer: “Oh, excuse me; I thought it was a snack.”
(My coworker is approached at the till by a woman, somewhere in her 40s.)
Customer: “How long does your one-hour service take?”
(My coworker looks at me, and without missing a beat…)
Me: “A week.”
Customer: “Oh, never mind then.” *walks off*
(The coworker and I look at each other and start to laugh.)
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