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, , , , , | Right | June 13, 2022

A woman walks up to the counter with an old picture showing a group of people.

Customer: “I need you to take everyone except me out of this picture.”

Me: “You mean digitally remove them? Ma’am, I don’t think that’s possible with a picture like this. We’d have to remove nearly all of the photo.”

Customer: “But… Photoshop?”

Me: “I’m sure someone with a lot of time and talent could give it a go, but we’re a humble photo lab. We can do basic manipulation but nothing like what you’re asking.”

Customer: “But… this is a photo… shop?”

Me: “Well, yes. But we can’t do—”

Customer: “Adobe?”

Me: “Well, that’s the company that—”

Customer: “Microsoft?”

Me: “… Ma’am. Are you just saying computer words hoping it will work?”

Customer: “…”

Me: “…”

Customer: “Excel Photoshop?”

Me: “…okay, I don’t think we can help you, ma’am.”

A Godly Glitch

, , , , , | Right | June 6, 2022

I worked in the photo department of a pharmacy store chain a few years ago. Our card machine randomly spat out three pamphlets for a funeral service that had been ordered about ten days prior. It was weird because our orders only stayed in the system for three days. Neither my manager nor I could not figure out how it had printed these pamphlets, but we finally shrugged and I threw them on top of our waste pile.

About an hour later, a woman came up to my counter.

Woman: *Quietly* “How long are orders stored? My brother’s funeral was last week, and I wasn’t able to get one of the pamphlets.”

I just stared at her for a second, then walked over, grabbed the mysterious pamphlets, and placed them in front of her. They were for her brother’s funeral.

Me: “Our machine randomly printed these three copies out for no reason.”

The woman started crying.

Woman: “How much do I owe you?”

I just laughed.

Me: “We don’t charge for acts of God.”

It was the only explanation I could come up with.

Some People Have Never Been Told “No” And It Shows, Part 4

, , , , , | Right | May 26, 2022

I work in a big box store in their photo/electronics department with a pretty awesome crew. The customers, however, take some getting used to.

A woman purchases a pre-paid cell phone. I ring up her order and take her money. Nothing unusual. She proceeds to stand there.

Customer: “Well, aren’t you going to set it up?”

Me: “No, ma’am, I’m afraid we don’t do that, and I have a line. It’s really straightforward. Just call the number and set it up.”

Customer: “Aren’t you going to give me a list of numbers to choose from?”

Me: “No, you set up a phone number when you call and activate the phone.”

She gives me a weird look and leaves. Not even fifteen minutes later, the phone rings.

Me: “[Store], this is [My Name].”

Customer: “Yeah, I was just in there and I bought this prepaid phone. You were supposed to set it up and you didn’t.”

Me: “Yes, I remember you. I’m not supposed to set it up for you. I had a line and I needed to do my job.”

Customer: “Well, you were supposed to give me a list of numbers to choose from.”

Me: “I’ve been selling those phones for years. I’ve never been given a list of numbers to choose from.”

Customer: “Well, last time I was there, [Random Name] set it up for me and he gave me a list of numbers.”

Me: “I can give you the [Provider] number and they can help you set up a number.”

Customer: “No, I have that number. You’re not listening to me.”

Me: “Ma’am, I am listening. You want me to set up the phone and give you a list of numbers to choose from. As I told you before, we’re not responsible for setting up the phones.”


Me: “[Provider] gives you the numbers, not me. We have never done that. Once you purchase the phone, you no longer deal with [Store]; you deal with [Provider].”

Customer: “I SWEAR, THIS STORE ONLY HIRES F****** R****DS!”

Me: “Ma’am, if you don’t calm down, I’m hanging up.”

Customer: “F*** YOU, YOU F***!”

Me: *Click*

Luckily, my new awesome assistant has been listening to my side of the conversation the entire time, and she laughs when I actually hang up on the customer. She is amazed at how I kept my cool. I tell her how the customer tried to be verbally abusive, and I wouldn’t have any of it.

Sure enough, a call comes in on the manager’s phone and it is the same customer. I hear most of the conversation on the assistant’s side and she instantly becomes my new favorite person.

[Awesome Assistant] tells the customer that “[Random Name]” has never worked here, we don’t set up phones, we don’t give lists of numbers… blah, blah, a repeat of what I told her. The customer proceeds to tell [Awesome Assistant] that I was rude and didn’t let her speak. [Awesome Assistant] immediately shuts her down.

Awesome Assistant: “Ma’am, I was standing next to [My Name] when she was on the phone with you. She was nothing but courteous and professional. You, on the other hand — I heard you yelling profanities through the phone. If that’s the way you’re going to treat my associates, we don’t need your business.”

The phone was silent (the customer was probably stunned) as [Awesome Assistant] then hung up the phone.

Honestly, if she had just called the number herself, it would have taken a twentieth of the time it took to do all that complaining. I guess setting up her phone was beneath her but throwing multiple tantrums was not.

Some People Have Never Been Told “No” And It Shows, Part 3
Some People Have Never Been Told “No” And It Shows, Part 2
Some People Have Never Been Told “No” And It Shows

An Extra Deposit Of Film-Worthy Crazy

, , , , | Right | February 15, 2022

A middle-aged woman comes into the store holding a single-use disposable film camera.

Customer: “Hello, do you do 35 mm film development?”

Me: “Yes, we do. We can send them off to get developed.”

I go through the options available to develop her single-use camera.

Me: “You will pay a £6.00 deposit to send it off, and that comes off of the total £11.99 you will have to pay the rest of when you come to collect.”

Customer: “Okay, well, I’m not sure whether I’ve used this camera properly as I couldn’t always get it to fire.”

These cameras are pretty straightforward to use as there are clear instructions printed on the cameras themselves. 1) Press the shutter button to take a photo, or 2) you pull a trigger on the front to activate the flash, let a light blink on to show it’s ready, and then take the photo with a flash, as well. That’s it.

The customer starts to fiddle with the camera in front of me, clearly not understanding how to use it. Not only that but she’s used the camera up fully somehow despite her confusion, so anything she tries now won’t work anyway. She gives up despite me trying to explain and show her this.

Customer: “Can I get this camera developed anyway and buy another to use?”

Me: “Sure, no problem.”

I hand her a new one for her to look at and get her head around as she’s still struggling. I grab another of EXACTLY the same product off the shelf to scan into the till, and she looks up at me doing so.

Customer: “Hold on. That’s a different one!”

Me: “No, miss, this is the same product; I’m just using this one to scan it into the till whilst you’re holding that one.”

Customer: *Getting very snippy all of a sudden* “No, it’s not! That’s different!”

Me: “I assure you, miss, this is the same product with the same barcode, so it makes no difference if I scan this one or the one in your hands.”

Customer: *Condescendingly* “Are you sure?!”

Me: *Confused and annoyed* “Yes.”

Never, in the fifteen years that I’ve worked in retail, has someone questioned me if I knew how barcodes work before, so this throws me a bit.

Customer: “Can I see them both?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but why?”

Customer:Can I just see them?!

I give up and don’t want to cause a scene, so I hand her the second camera. She then pulls out her reading glasses and directly compares the barcodes and packaging on both products despite the fact they look EXACTLY the same.

Customer: *Still not sounding convinced* “HMPH! Okay fine!”

She hands one of the cameras back. Carrying on whilst shaking my head, I total the payment for both the new disposable camera (£10.00) she’s bought and the deposit for getting her used camera processed (£6.00) which comes to £16.00 total. She hands me £20 to cover the total and I give her £4.00 change.

Me: “Please, may I take your name and phone number so we can contact you when your film is back?”

Customer: “Oh, well, when will they be back? I have a phone but I don’t use it, so I’ll just come back around the time they should be done.”

She says this whilst thoroughly shaking her head in disapproval of her own phone and any technology like it. Of course, she has a phone she doesn’t trust, either.

Me: “Okay? That’s fine, miss. Feel free to check back late next week.”

Over a week passes. The customer comes back. My colleague serves her, she pays for the rest of the charge for processing her camera, and she then leaves without any issues. A few minutes later, she comes stomping back into the store and speaks to me.

Customer:Excuse me?! It says here on the receipt I paid a deposit for my film development. I did not pay a deposit. I will not be seen as someone who didn’t pay for what I owe!

At this point, it’s been a busy past week and I can’t remember off the top of my head how exactly she paid for the deposit previously, as we get so many film processing orders, but I know for a fact she definitely did.

I double-check on the till to be sure though as I don’t wanna shoot myself in the foot by calling her out.

Me: “Okay, that’s strange as that doesn’t normally happen. Let me just make sure.”

Customer: “I definitely didn’t pay a deposit!”

Me: “Well, after looking through the till, nothing has been inputted incorrectly; you did pay the £6.00 deposit.”

Customer:No, no, no, I didn’t. Here!

She gets £6.00 cash out of her purse and slams it on the counter.

Customer: “Take it! I don’t want to be seen as someone who doesn’t pay when they should have!”

Me: “With all due respect, miss, we don’t want your money because you don’t need to pay anymore.”

Customer: “No! Take it!”

Me: “No, miss, you don’t owe us anything. If we have made a mistake somehow, then that’s on us and you get to keep £6.00.”

Customer: “I can’t accept that; check your CCTV and you will see that I did not pay £6.00!”

Me: “I don’t want to be rude, but we don’t want your money and you’re simply wrong, miss. I’m trying to save you your money. The till literally will not let us process a film development order without a deposit, and our till total wasn’t out at the end of the da—”

Customer: “Well, I don’t want to be rude, but no! I will not be seen as someone who doesn’t pay. Check your CCTV! You are wrong!”

She then stormed out, leaving the money. We ended up putting her now overpaid £6.00 into a charity pot. The funny thing is that my colleague told me later that she looked at her camera prints before leaving and most of them were blanks or bad quality.

Maybe You Should’ve Just Hired A Model

, , | Right | January 23, 2022

Client: “Hey, can you retouch photos? I’ve got my album cover photo, but it needs some minor touch-ups. Zits and stuff.”

Me: “Sure, let me take a look.”

Client: “So, just remove that blemish on my nose and the zit on my forehead.”

Me: “No problem.”

Client: “Also, I forgot to shave, so take care of my stubble.”

Me: “Stubble’s not the easiest thing to remove—”

Client: “Ah, well, my sideburns and hairstyle could use some help, too.”

Me: “Well—”

Client: “And how do you think I’d look with sunglasses and different clothes? You know, this is getting ridiculous. Just let me see some options.”