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Going To Be A Dead Pool

, , , | Working | January 5, 2019

(I’m training a new cashier when one of my coworkers, who has the day off, comes to check out. I don’t particularly like this coworker since she has an attitude and is as dumb as a box of rocks. This interaction just proves it.)

Me: “Hey, [Coworker].”

Coworker: “Hey. I’m getting this plastic pool. I can’t believe [Boss] marked it down so low.”

Me: “She probably wanted to get rid of it.”

Coworker: “Well, it worked. What’s in this, anyway? Do I have to get a pump and stuff?”

(It’s clearly marked on the box with a huge picture of the pump.)

Me: “It’s got the pump. All you’ll really need to get is the chlorine and water testers.”

Coworker: “Oh, if it gets algae in it, I’ll just dump bleach in it.”

(I stare a moment before telling her that’s a bad idea.)

Coworker: “Why?”

Me: “Your skin will slough off.”

(She paid and walked away, a look of confusion on her face. I don’t think the message got through, and with ideas like that, I wonder how she’s still alive.)

Books Should Categorized By Cover Color

, , , , | Right | November 29, 2018

Customer: “I’m trying to find a book about the University.”

Me: “You’ve come to the right place. Let me show you our local interest section.”

(I do so, and the customer looks for the book they want.)

Customer: “I don’t see it.”

Me: “Well, maybe we can special order a copy. Do you know the book’s title?”

Customer: “No, but it’s green.”

Me: “That’s one of our school colors.”

Customer: “Well, it’s about this big.” *motions with his hands*

Me: “Um… I’m going to talk to my manager.”

(I walk into the back of the room. My manager is talking to a semi-retired teacher in his sixties.)

Me: “I have a customer that’s looking for a book, and he only knows that it’s green and about this big.” *motions with hands*

Senior Employee: “Oh, he means that book.”

Me & Manager: “Huh?!”

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Stupidity Reaches Exclamation Point

, , , | Right | November 24, 2018

(I am working a call center for a government agency. These are federal employees whose wages are a matter of public information. The caller in question makes $90k+ a year.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Call Center]. This is [My Name]; how may I assist you?”

Caller: “I need a password for [system], please.”

Me: “Of course! I just need you to verify your security code.”

(The caller verifies and I reset the password.)

Me: “Okay, your password is Vacation, zero, one, exclamation point, with a capital V on ‘vacation.’” *Vacation01!*

Caller: “Exclamation point? What’s that?”

Me: *pause* “On your keyboard that would be Shift-1.”

Caller: “OH! You mean the line with the dot under it!”

Me: *another pause* “Yes, sir.”

(I completed the call with a headache at the thought that these are our tax dollars hard at work.)

Pervert’s Ideas Are The Fault Of The Victims, Apparently

, , , , | Right | November 23, 2018

I am working on putting small freight items away whilst running the register. I have fairly long hair, and to keep it from getting caught in fixtures around the store, I wear it back in a braided ponytail. As I’m picking up several boxes to put away, an elderly gentleman grabs me by the hair and proceeds to exclaim, “Look at the mane on this one!”

I have my hands full, so I can’t grab my hair back, and being shocked at his behavior, I’m scared into stillness. My coworker gets him to let go.

I walk as quickly as I can to put the items in my arms away and hide in that corner of the department until the guy leaves. I return to the register where my coworker tells me that the customer said to her, “She really shouldn’t keep her hair long like that; it gives perverts ideas.”

I just stare at her in disbelief. To this day, I have avoided that customer.

Driving Them To Smoke

, , , , | Right | November 20, 2018

(Prices for all our cigarettes have recently gone up, averaging about eighty cents a carton. Of course we had signs posted for a few weeks before it went into effect. In my gas station, we also have a food area where I am currently scheduled to work. I decide to cut through the front area to get some things quicker.)

Customer: “I need two packs of cigarettes. What are your cheapest brands?”

Me: “It’s [Brand]. I think with the new tax it’s [price].”

Customer: *huffy* “Well, I only have twelve dollars! And I need two packs and some gas!”

Me: “Would you like to pump your gas first, then? If you don’t have enough, maybe you’ve got some quarters hanging around.”

Customer: “No! I need two packs of cigarettes! Your prices are too high! You need to fix this!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but we can’t change the prices.”

Customer: “You have to do something to fix this! I need my smokes!”

(I always thought enough gas to get going was more important than smoking, but apparently not.)