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The Next Marvel Movie Will Be Personal

, , , , , , | Right | September 14, 2019

(Lately, we’ve had an ongoing promo toy giveaway related to a recent major movie release. The toys are called “Marvel Micropopz,” and on the self-checkouts, a screen will appear before the payment options offering one if the purchase qualifies. The message is poorly-worded, and the whole promotion has generally been poorly explained and poorly advertised, so I’ve gotten used to explaining the same things to customers over and over. But when one older gentleman comes up to me after a purchase, his confusion about it really takes the cake.)

Customer: “Hey, there was this message about redeeming points on my register.”

Me: *ready to go into my usual explanations* “Oh, that’s a—”

Customer: “But it wasn’t my name on the screen. It said it was for Marv Mikropovitz or something.”

Red Vest Alert

, , , | Right | July 25, 2019

(As head cashier, I’m on shift mornings for most of the week and my boss will generally trust me to lead the front. Today, she approaches me and leads me away from a couple of customers with a question.)

Boss: “So, what happened yesterday?”

Me: “Nothing. All was normal. I got one of the sets done and I had the new girl clean the tool tables. Pretty standard day. Why? What’s up?”

Boss: “I just got a complaint about a cashier with inappropriate clothing of all things. I saw you and [New Girl] yesterday, so I know it wasn’t you. However, the complaint said they knew the girl as [Name nothing close to any of my cashier’s names]. Know anything about it?”

(It’s been on the colder side for the last few days, so my other cashiers and I have all been wearing long-sleeved shirts or light sweaters under our bright red vests.)

Me: “Unless some kind of weird party happened after I left, I don’t know anything. Sorry.”

Boss: “Okay. It was probably a prank, then. Keep up the good work.”

(She leaves and I get back to doing my regular work. An hour or two passes by, and I remember something, so I call my boss on the walkie.)

Me: “Hey, [Boss], I think I know who that dress complaint was about.”

Boss: “Oh? Who do I have to write up?”

Me: “Well, unless you can write up customers, there’s not much we can do.”

Boss: “What?”

Me: “A young lady came in yesterday in a big red shirt and shorts. The shirt was so long and the shorts so tiny, it almost looked like she wasn’t wearing bottoms. That’s the only person I can think that was dressed any kind of inappropriately all day yesterday.”

Boss: “Okay, then. [District Boss] will be told that we have to not let customers wear red shirts, then. Thanks, [My Name].”

Words Are Pretty But Hugs Are Beautiful

, , , , , | Hopeless | June 4, 2019

(I’m at work and feeling incredibly lousy. I went to the hospital last night for an ongoing migraine and in the mix of meds they gave me to help, Benadryl was one. This results in me being sluggish and tired, and on top of that, my head still hurts, so I’m not at the top of my game. I’ve been told today that I look like h***, too. An hour or so before closing, a family I went to school with comes in with their young son who is talking up a storm. He eventually walks past where I’m currently straightening up stock and says something that really lifts my spirits.)

Kid: “You’re really pretty, miss. I like you. You’re always nice to me.”

(This causes me to tear up a bit, and I turn to the parents.)

Me: “Can I hug your son?”

Mom: “Of course! Sweetie, the nice lady wants a hug.”

Kid: “But… you’re working. Won’t you get in trouble?”

Me: *in a sneaky voice* “Not if the boss doesn’t see.”

(He eagerly comes and gives me a hug, which I happily return.)

Me: *to him* “Thanks for your kind words, kiddo. You have no idea how much I needed that today.” *to parents* “You guys are doing an amazing job raising him. Thank you.”

(The parents thanked me in return and I got the kid a candy bar. I still felt horrible, but the kid’s words really helped my morale.)

Time To Bail On This Scam

, , , , , , | Friendly | May 25, 2019

(Two ladies behind me on the bus are chatting.)

Lady: “Oh, I got a call yesterday from some fellow claiming to be a sheriff from someplace in Utah.”

Friend: “Oh, what did he want?”

Lady: “He said my grandson was in jail and I needed to send him bail money right away.”

Friend: “You don’t have any grandsons.”

Lady: “Yeah. So, I asked him if it was ‘Randall.’”

Friend: “And?”

Lady: “He said yes, and I told him to forget it. Said I never liked that little s***, anyway, and he could stay in jail.”

(Fortunately, I had to get off the bus then, or I’d have burst out laughing.)

Always Lives Up To It

, , , , , | Right | May 22, 2019

(This happens literally every time this customer comes into the bank:)

Me: “Hi. How are you?”

Customer: “I’m well, and you?”

Me: “Good, thanks! What can I do for you?”

(Then, there’s more small talk as I do his transaction.)

Customer: “I think I saw you the other day on [Street]. I didn’t know you lived there.”

Me: “No, that wasn’t me; I don’t live over there.”

Customer: “Oh, well, where do you live?”

Me: “…”

(I give him a different answer about where I live every single time. It’s never the correct street or even near my house, yet he asks me where I live every time he sees me. No.)