(A male customer is in the feminine hygiene aisle and has requested to speak to a female employee.)

Me: “Hi, can I help you with something?”

Customer: *obviously embarrassed* “I need some ‘female products.’”

Me: “Okay, you’re in the right place. This is all our selection.”

Customer: “Really?” *points to the pads* “I don’t think these will work. They all look so small.”

Me: “Well, most women prefer that. But if you want something different, the tampons are right here as well.”

Customer: “Oh, gross. No, I would rather these but bigger, so they’ll work.”

Me: “This is really all we have.”

Customer: “Hmm, what about some diapers or something like that? Do you have those?”

Me: “What? Do you mean baby diapers? Sir, I really don’t think that’s what you want.”

Customer: “You’re right, they probably cost twice as much, anyway. I think I’m going to tell my wife to come in after work and figure this out herself.”

Me: “I think that’s a very good idea, sir.”

Me: “What kind of bag would you like?”

Customer: *without hesitation* “A hot blonde with blue eyes, six feet tall, smart, and successful.”

Me: “Me and you both, buddy. But you’re in luck, as it just so happens our bags are tan and blue. Will that be okay?”

Customer: “That’s fine. It’s better than what I have back at home.”

(I approach a teenage girl who seems to be looking for something.)

Customer: “Do you have the Evanescence CD?”

Me: “That would be over here. It looks like the only one we have left right now is an Australian import version, if that is okay with you?”

Customer: “What does that mean? Is she singing in Australian or something?”

This story is part of our Musically Ignorant Customers roundup!

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(I sell a dress to a lady and she leaves. As I am coming back from hanging a sign, she returns to the yard sale.)

Customer: “I want to return this dress.”

Me: “This is a yard sale. I don’t take returns.”

Customer: “You don’t have a sign up. You should have a sign that says no returns.”

Me: “I don’t need one. This is a yard sale.”

Customer: *getting angry* “I want to return the dress. I don’t want it anymore!”

Me:  “This is a yard sale. I am not a store, so I do not take returns.”

Customer: “That’s dishonest; I’m calling 911!”

(The customer dials 911 on her cell phone and I hear her talking to the dispatcher.)

Customer: “Hello! I’m at a yard sale and they won’t take back my dress!”

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Me: “Hello, sir, what can I get for you today?”

Customer: “I just came from Mexico. I had some good beans there. What were they? Ah, yes! Frijoles!”

Me: “Sir, frijoles is just the word for beans in Spanish.”

Customer: “No! I had special beans in Mexico and they were called frijoles! Get me frijoles!”

Me: “Sir, we only have refried beans at this deli. These are frijoles. Would you like these, or something else?”

Customer: “Frijoles! How is this so difficult to understand?”

Me: “Sir, frijoles are beans… in Spanish.”

Customer: “Then get me beans in Spanish!”

This story is part of our Confused-With-Spanish roundup!

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