Not Very Vanilla Behavior

, , , , , , | Right | October 2, 2017

I worked at a bakery and coffee shop for the summer. It had been around for over a century and was a huge tourist draw. It was always monstrously busy, with a line out the door every day.

One day, in the middle of a rush, a woman in her 60s came up and ordered a “French Vanilla.” I asked her to clarify what she would like made with French Vanilla: a latte, a cappuccino, a macchiato, etc. She looked at me like I had slapped her, and said she didn’t want any of that, just a French Vanilla.

It took every ounce of willpower I had not to define “adjective” for her. Instead I told her that we could add vanilla syrup to any of our drinks, but that she needed to tell me which drink she wanted. Her friend started to chime in about my incompetence and mumbled, “Just give the woman her godd*** French Vanilla, already.”

My supervisor came over and, not realizing what was happening, complicated the situation by telling them that we didn’t actually have French Vanilla syrup, just regular vanilla syrup. The woman then screamed, in front of a few dozen people, “I JUST WANT A FRENCH VANILLA!”. I eventually just made her a vanilla latte, which she said was the worst thing she had ever tasted.

A couple months later, I went into a very popular chain coffee shop and saw “French Vanilla” listed on their menu, and it all made sense. What was the drink? Basically, a vanilla latte.


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Displaying Full Evidence Of Idiocy

, , , , , , , | Right | September 29, 2017

A customer pulls up in a burgundy taxi, tells the driver to wait, and then comes into the store.

He then pulls a knife and a garbage bag, and tells me to fill the bag with cartons of cigarettes.

I fill the bag, and watch as the crook then runs into what he thinks is his burgundy taxi, and slams the door behind himself.

Unbeknownst to him, I have just watched the taxi drive away, after seeing him attempt to rob the store, and a burgundy cop car, driven by a store regular, pull up.

Now the cop has just pulled into the gas station to get fuel, and some random guy has jumped into the back of his cop car, holding a knife and a bag full of stolen cigarette cartons, and locked himself in…

It takes a full hour for the cop to take my statement, because we can’t stop laughing at the idiot who arrested himself while holding the evidence of his robbery.

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Should Stop Donating Your Advice

, , , , | Right | September 29, 2017

(We are in the building next to a [Major Supermarket Chain] in a small, affluent, seaside town. The supermarket is undergoing renovations which have blocked off the footpath to the other end of town. Our shop has a back door, which means that walking through our shop is now the quickest way to get to the supermarket. My manager has decided to make use of the extra foot-traffic, and has put signs up asking for donations to an oceanic charity.)

Customer: “You should start charging a toll for people who walk through here!”

Me: “Well, we actually have a donation tin for the Dolphin institute, like the big sign says…”

Customer: *expression drops*

(This happens every shift, multiple times. They’ll exit without saying another word to me.)

Probably Does A Better Job As A Statue

, , , , , | Related | September 28, 2017

(A relative of ours held a prominent government position back in the day. We are taking a trip to his home-town in order to learn about family history. There is a statue of him there, with a plaque below containing a biography. [Cousin #1] is seven, and [Cousin #2] is four.)

Cousin #1: “It talks about what he did before he was [Prominent Government Position], but what about afterwards?”

Cousin #2: “He was a statue, silly!”

Charity Begins At (Selling Things From) Home

, , , , , | Working | September 27, 2017

(My friend run a small business and, on occasion, they have special events that include renting out market stalls. They take bookings ahead of time, but on this occasion, one of their regulars hasn’t arrived so there is an empty table. The rent they receive goes to a charity. I am helping them out in their main shop when one of their staff members comes over.)

Staff: “Hey, [Owner], I thought the table next to my shop was for [Regular Stall Holder]?”

Owner: “It is; she’s not arrived yet.”

Staff: “Well, some woman has just sat down at it and started putting out items, and has been asking people to buy them.”

Owner: “I’ll come over and take a look; maybe [Regular] asked her to start setting up.”

Staff: “There’s nothing there that she would normally sell.”

(A few minutes later the owner comes back, he is fuming.)

Owner: “What is wrong with people? This woman saw an empty table and decided to set her own stall up. I asked her what she was doing, and she told me she wanted to sell her things. I told her that she needed to pay rent for the stall. She refused to do that because ‘it’s a charity event and the tables should be free.’ So, I asked how much of her takings she would be donating, and she told me that she isn’t going to donate anything because she is selling her own things.”

(Stall holders were also donating a percentage of their sales towards the charity. They ended up kicking her out and sitting one of their volunteers at the table with their own stock.)

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